These are not good nights
Life seems to be slowly drowning.
Scottland and I just aren't having fun lately. Maybe just not as much. I've had a sickness of some influenza sort all week. The muscle pains and bowel problems have ceased, but I now am stricken with an annoying dull soreness of throat.
I've been depressed today, wondering the stores in City Centre with no purpose. I can't seem to find anything I really really like anymore. It's all gone.
I saw Karen walking down 102 avenue today. She was carrying a lot as usual. She ignored me. I know she noticed me though, as she looked back and stared at me without being direct. I was going to say hello, but the words didn't come out. It is quite obvious she does not wish to talk. Sigh.
I saw my bald sister at city centre by her work. She was with her friends on break. She's so uplifted in person. I can't do that.
Scottland wanted me to be happier looking today. I can't pretend things. He asked me what he could do to make everything better. I just have no idea.
I wanted to go for a walk or do something interesting. Interesting being introducing Shasta to other cats, but Scottland surprised me immensely by declaring he thought I was just joking all along about this subject. I had no idea my dreams and wishes were so fantastic or "out of the question" to others, especially him. What the hell is so bad about bringing my parent's cat over to the apartment for a bit to see how Shasta interacts with other cats? Scott thinks it would be "disruptive" to their lives. He's so weird. What does he think cats are? Weak injured seniors who will die if they are moved? I am just asking for them to be together in the same house for a day or a few hours. I don't understand what the big deal is. I don't understand what the big deal is with a lot of things when it comes to Scottland. For instance, what is so damn outrageous about going outside the city for the night to see the countyside when there is no work or commitments the next day? What the hell is the problem with going for a walk at night in a forest? Oh my God...the trees are going to eat me. I sure hope the troll people don't come out, they like to sit on people. Scottland's adversity to simple interesting peaceful beautiful things really bothers me sometimes. I wish he was more adventurous.
Sometimes I have ideas of something different for us to do together, but Scottland continues to be uninterested. I don't know what to do. I love Scottland. I wish we were having more fun. I don't consider fun to just be sleeping, eating, drinking, and watching movies.
I'm bored and depressed when Scottland isn't around because I want to do things with him, but when he is here, we seem to get like this a lot. Sigh..........
I want Scottland to tell me all the things he wants to do with me. I want him to take me seriously when I suggest things. Sigh....I don't know what else to type right now.
Scottland and I just aren't having fun lately. Maybe just not as much. I've had a sickness of some influenza sort all week. The muscle pains and bowel problems have ceased, but I now am stricken with an annoying dull soreness of throat.
I've been depressed today, wondering the stores in City Centre with no purpose. I can't seem to find anything I really really like anymore. It's all gone.
I saw Karen walking down 102 avenue today. She was carrying a lot as usual. She ignored me. I know she noticed me though, as she looked back and stared at me without being direct. I was going to say hello, but the words didn't come out. It is quite obvious she does not wish to talk. Sigh.
I saw my bald sister at city centre by her work. She was with her friends on break. She's so uplifted in person. I can't do that.
Scottland wanted me to be happier looking today. I can't pretend things. He asked me what he could do to make everything better. I just have no idea.
I wanted to go for a walk or do something interesting. Interesting being introducing Shasta to other cats, but Scottland surprised me immensely by declaring he thought I was just joking all along about this subject. I had no idea my dreams and wishes were so fantastic or "out of the question" to others, especially him. What the hell is so bad about bringing my parent's cat over to the apartment for a bit to see how Shasta interacts with other cats? Scott thinks it would be "disruptive" to their lives. He's so weird. What does he think cats are? Weak injured seniors who will die if they are moved? I am just asking for them to be together in the same house for a day or a few hours. I don't understand what the big deal is. I don't understand what the big deal is with a lot of things when it comes to Scottland. For instance, what is so damn outrageous about going outside the city for the night to see the countyside when there is no work or commitments the next day? What the hell is the problem with going for a walk at night in a forest? Oh my God...the trees are going to eat me. I sure hope the troll people don't come out, they like to sit on people. Scottland's adversity to simple interesting peaceful beautiful things really bothers me sometimes. I wish he was more adventurous.
Sometimes I have ideas of something different for us to do together, but Scottland continues to be uninterested. I don't know what to do. I love Scottland. I wish we were having more fun. I don't consider fun to just be sleeping, eating, drinking, and watching movies.
I'm bored and depressed when Scottland isn't around because I want to do things with him, but when he is here, we seem to get like this a lot. Sigh..........
I want Scottland to tell me all the things he wants to do with me. I want him to take me seriously when I suggest things. Sigh....I don't know what else to type right now.