You seemed like such a big part of my life and my heart..but the truth is, i've found something new.
I think everyone-- high school or not high school-- has this immense desire to be the most important person in someone else's life. It's just how it goes, right? Nobody is so completely happy that they can rely on themselves completely for a sense of love and belonging. it just doesnt work.
For the first time in my life i feel completely alone...one best friend stopped being there months ago for reasons still unexplained...the other just recently got what she has wanted and obsessed over for YEARS and no longer has need for me...the ex boyfriend who has been the only person to make me feel good about myself (for artificial reasons i'm sure...but how do you know the difference?) now has someone else......and i'm here.
and now i sound like a bitch. I'm happy for these people-- i'm glad these people i have always cared so much about have found what they are looking for. We shouldnt rely on someone for happiness, it is too much pressure on that person. i just dont want to feel so alone. i hate myself like this. I should bury myself in other things..normally it would be forensics...but i seem to be fucking up in that area too. School? i already do study my butt off for Bs. Theatre? quitting for forensics....uuuggghhhh
this is probably the most i have and ever will open up on a live journal. im probably going to regret this later....but for now it stays. I, Valerie Inwald, am not a happy camper today and i'm not going to pretend to be.
i think a new semester will be good.
For the first time in my life i feel completely alone...one best friend stopped being there months ago for reasons still unexplained...the other just recently got what she has wanted and obsessed over for YEARS and no longer has need for me...the ex boyfriend who has been the only person to make me feel good about myself (for artificial reasons i'm sure...but how do you know the difference?) now has someone else......and i'm here.
and now i sound like a bitch. I'm happy for these people-- i'm glad these people i have always cared so much about have found what they are looking for. We shouldnt rely on someone for happiness, it is too much pressure on that person. i just dont want to feel so alone. i hate myself like this. I should bury myself in other things..normally it would be forensics...but i seem to be fucking up in that area too. School? i already do study my butt off for Bs. Theatre? quitting for forensics....uuuggghhhh
this is probably the most i have and ever will open up on a live journal. im probably going to regret this later....but for now it stays. I, Valerie Inwald, am not a happy camper today and i'm not going to pretend to be.
i think a new semester will be good.