on reasoning
Life has been really great lately. Moving has gone smoothly, I love my roomates to death. I've gotten really close with them and learned a lot obout myself, life, and experience. It's funny to look back at all that I;ve lived through and experienced, the people i've met, the places I've gone, Im so grateful for all of it. Good and bad. What a journey it has been so far. I do, however, Miss a lot of these people. Ken, my true life soul mate (best friend, not lover) I miss the most. I miss the girls in Florida, especially Carla. I miss Yohan and Nathan and Matt. I miss Josh and Red and Nikki. I miss Ryan. But, here i am, with a new chapter, it is beautiful and mysterious and all that other nastologic bullshit you read about.
Coy threw me a party on Friday night. I thought i was going to be a fancy dinner with his family, and when i got there it was all my good friends, Rach had to work, but its ok, we got to do lots of art the next day. I got a skate board, which i love, and used while at work today on my breaks.
Megan played a song for me today, it really touched my heart in a weird way. I stood there in the dark of Starbucks, right as they were setting the alarm to leave. Dressed in my long green coat, hat on, tears streaming down my face. I dont wipe away tears when they mean something. I couldnt hear anyone, only the song and the lyrics.
It brought me back to a morning in Kenny's apartment. I went up to the attic, poking around at all the strange things up there. Boxes of his past, photos, journals, art. I sat at an old piano, who knows why it was in the attic. I sat behing his drum set, but never touched it. Everyone was still downstairs, sleeping or really passed out from the heavy drinking the night before. I was hung over with a rotten orange juice taste in my mouth. I pulled a white plastic lawn chair over to the window that over looked main street. I put on Cat Stevens, sat there with my legs crossed, heaped in pile of Kenny's pajamas, he had to put me in from the night before. (this is a story all on its own.) My leg was crusted over, the blood had dried where they hadn't cleaned it off. I light a cigarette and gean to cry, the same tears I cried tonight at Starbucks. I never wiped them away. The sun was so warm and bright, I dont think I will ever forget this day.
I miss that time of my life. But i wouldnt want it back, it was what it was when it was for a reason.
I have many memories of watching my feet as I walked.
I suppose im done for now. Please, remember, its alright. yes i mean that to be that general.