Confessions of a SMF junky
So I did not get a role inf this upcoming SMF. Yes I am upset, but then again I am also kind of relieved.
You see, I know how disappointing this can be- I went through it last year. Maybe not quite the same as not getting a role period, but still pretty close.
Yes, I got the role of Eumolpos but I had really had my heart set on something much bigger. Had put my heart and soul into. Even felt as if I had rocked my piece. I was confident. And then I saw the cast list and my bubble burst. I don't know how long I spent lying in bed blubbering in my own self pity. All I knew was that I felt wronged. (Of course it didn't help my judgment that I was in a deep depression and in complete denial about it.)
I didn't even reply to the email. A day or two of intense soul searching passed and BB ended up calling me- did I want in or not? In the end I did indeed accept- if only to be a part of the family that I new and loved. If only to help give birth to a new script and steer the Mysteries in a new direction.
I do not regret the decision. I do regret not getting a role different than what I had had previously- I so wanted to grow in a new direction. But in the end, maybe I did. And this year I will use this loss as an opportunity to grow yet again. There are things I can do to help with the festival that don't necessarily have to do with the cast.
Yes, I am going to miss that extended family that the cast is, but I have had a wonderful time over the last three years helping to present the Mysteries. And yes, my heart goes out to those that auditioned (some for the first time and some who have auditioned more than once and still not gotten a role) that were not cast. I feel your pain. There is always next year and I will be there yet again, vying for a place in the Mysteries- vying for a position to present something that has become very near and dear to me over the last several years.
You see, I know how disappointing this can be- I went through it last year. Maybe not quite the same as not getting a role period, but still pretty close.
Yes, I got the role of Eumolpos but I had really had my heart set on something much bigger. Had put my heart and soul into. Even felt as if I had rocked my piece. I was confident. And then I saw the cast list and my bubble burst. I don't know how long I spent lying in bed blubbering in my own self pity. All I knew was that I felt wronged. (Of course it didn't help my judgment that I was in a deep depression and in complete denial about it.)
I didn't even reply to the email. A day or two of intense soul searching passed and BB ended up calling me- did I want in or not? In the end I did indeed accept- if only to be a part of the family that I new and loved. If only to help give birth to a new script and steer the Mysteries in a new direction.
I do not regret the decision. I do regret not getting a role different than what I had had previously- I so wanted to grow in a new direction. But in the end, maybe I did. And this year I will use this loss as an opportunity to grow yet again. There are things I can do to help with the festival that don't necessarily have to do with the cast.
Yes, I am going to miss that extended family that the cast is, but I have had a wonderful time over the last three years helping to present the Mysteries. And yes, my heart goes out to those that auditioned (some for the first time and some who have auditioned more than once and still not gotten a role) that were not cast. I feel your pain. There is always next year and I will be there yet again, vying for a place in the Mysteries- vying for a position to present something that has become very near and dear to me over the last several years.