Ups and Downs
Plus-Doing great on the photography thing. My pictures are getting better every time I do another shoot and I love it. The people are great and it is nice to share in a good part of there lives. It is nice to be needed in this way. Simply beautiful. I love this job. This will be what I am going to do for the rest of my life, this is no longer going to be the JOB it is going to be the Career. Love it, Thank you god for this loving family that you have blessed me with.
Downs-I will never be a part of the family and I am going to have to learn to let go before I end up getting so hurt that I do something wrong. In the past I always say how my father's side is all about his wife's children. And it look like for a while things where getting better, but then Sandy got sick. I offerd the help if I could. I stayed away at the request of my father and I am now finding myself the little black sheep again. The 4th hurt me allot. I called because I wanted him to ask if I could come over. Instead he just let me know that everyone else was there and that he needed to leave. I have no time for you, and you are not important. I know he did not mean to make me feel this way but I do. I wish I could let her know what she is doing to me, but I offten wonder if I am blaming the wrong person. But, if she loved me as much as she say's she does then she would tell my father to call and ask us to come by too. She dosen't she has the people there that she wants there and I am going to have to let it go. That is the hard part. HOW do you let go.
Ever see the show the Dealiest Catch. Phil reminds me so much of my father. I am afraid something is going to happen and no one is going to tell me. It has happen before and the only way I found out was because I cornerd Sandy and made her tell me where my father was, and still after I found out he was in the hospital I still had not clue why he was there. He says he does it because he does not want me to worry, why in the hell would you do something like that. He is my father and I am always going to worry.
Plus- I have the most beautiful children in the world. I pray that they never have to go through the hell we have be through growing up. I pray that pain stay's away from them.
That is all, nothing else.
Downs-I will never be a part of the family and I am going to have to learn to let go before I end up getting so hurt that I do something wrong. In the past I always say how my father's side is all about his wife's children. And it look like for a while things where getting better, but then Sandy got sick. I offerd the help if I could. I stayed away at the request of my father and I am now finding myself the little black sheep again. The 4th hurt me allot. I called because I wanted him to ask if I could come over. Instead he just let me know that everyone else was there and that he needed to leave. I have no time for you, and you are not important. I know he did not mean to make me feel this way but I do. I wish I could let her know what she is doing to me, but I offten wonder if I am blaming the wrong person. But, if she loved me as much as she say's she does then she would tell my father to call and ask us to come by too. She dosen't she has the people there that she wants there and I am going to have to let it go. That is the hard part. HOW do you let go.
Ever see the show the Dealiest Catch. Phil reminds me so much of my father. I am afraid something is going to happen and no one is going to tell me. It has happen before and the only way I found out was because I cornerd Sandy and made her tell me where my father was, and still after I found out he was in the hospital I still had not clue why he was there. He says he does it because he does not want me to worry, why in the hell would you do something like that. He is my father and I am always going to worry.
Plus- I have the most beautiful children in the world. I pray that they never have to go through the hell we have be through growing up. I pray that pain stay's away from them.
That is all, nothing else.