To honour the past
I had a good experience this weekend. I've been having good experiences lately, but this one is of particular note because it had a healing effect on a bad experience. A defining bad experience.
There was a karate seminar and black belt grading scheduled for this weekend, which I decided to attend. Some friends of mine were going for black belt, and from what I'd heard, the black belt gradings are the equivalent of excellent martial arts shows. Plus the seminars are always full of crazy new forms and techniques, and an excellent chance stuff my brain full of things that are way too advanced for my yellow beltedness. This weekend "mini-camp" as they call it, was held at the Holiday Inn.
I had not been to the Holiday Inn in 8 years. I try not to look at the Holiday Inn when I drive by (or sometimes, when I'm in that sort of mood, I deliberately stare at it, and make myself remember). For those who do not know, my high school graduating class held a grad lunch at the Holiday Inn on what quickly became the worst day of my life. While my friends and I were waiting for lunch to start, we found out (in the most brutal way possible) that our most brilliant friend Sabrina had died.
I don't like the Holiday Inn.
Walking in there, everything looked different. I thought for awhile that it had been renovated, but the colours and the angles were right, only the distances and sizes seemed all wrong. Memory and trauma had stretched the rooms to enormous heights, the halls to endless lengths, the lights and windows to darkness. The hotel was the same as it was 8 years ago, only I am different. I brought in a fear of that day, of that memory, and came out with new courage, and a new memory.
Grandmaster Platt (who says a lot of things I don't understand, and can sound a little bit like John Tesh at times) said the best way to honour the past is to makd a positive move forward into the future. Sounds simple. I've been trying to do just that for 8 years and I think I'm finally on the right path.
I'm not being sentimental, and I don't think I'm wrong here...Sab would want me to be happy, especially if happiness involves ninja training with cute guys, right?
Plus, if it ever happens again that I'm raw with grief and someone repeatedly tells me that things will get better, that I have to know that I will get over it, they will find themselves the recipient of a roundhouse to the head. And Sab would appreciate that too.
Must sleep now. Will do a job update soon (It's great!)
There was a karate seminar and black belt grading scheduled for this weekend, which I decided to attend. Some friends of mine were going for black belt, and from what I'd heard, the black belt gradings are the equivalent of excellent martial arts shows. Plus the seminars are always full of crazy new forms and techniques, and an excellent chance stuff my brain full of things that are way too advanced for my yellow beltedness. This weekend "mini-camp" as they call it, was held at the Holiday Inn.
I had not been to the Holiday Inn in 8 years. I try not to look at the Holiday Inn when I drive by (or sometimes, when I'm in that sort of mood, I deliberately stare at it, and make myself remember). For those who do not know, my high school graduating class held a grad lunch at the Holiday Inn on what quickly became the worst day of my life. While my friends and I were waiting for lunch to start, we found out (in the most brutal way possible) that our most brilliant friend Sabrina had died.
I don't like the Holiday Inn.
Walking in there, everything looked different. I thought for awhile that it had been renovated, but the colours and the angles were right, only the distances and sizes seemed all wrong. Memory and trauma had stretched the rooms to enormous heights, the halls to endless lengths, the lights and windows to darkness. The hotel was the same as it was 8 years ago, only I am different. I brought in a fear of that day, of that memory, and came out with new courage, and a new memory.
Grandmaster Platt (who says a lot of things I don't understand, and can sound a little bit like John Tesh at times) said the best way to honour the past is to makd a positive move forward into the future. Sounds simple. I've been trying to do just that for 8 years and I think I'm finally on the right path.
I'm not being sentimental, and I don't think I'm wrong here...Sab would want me to be happy, especially if happiness involves ninja training with cute guys, right?
Plus, if it ever happens again that I'm raw with grief and someone repeatedly tells me that things will get better, that I have to know that I will get over it, they will find themselves the recipient of a roundhouse to the head. And Sab would appreciate that too.
Must sleep now. Will do a job update soon (It's great!)