Цитатник Англофила по выходным - 7: иронический тест на "Britishness".
В этот раз я решил привести не набор цитат - мудрых мыслей, высказанных некими знаменитостями. А просто скопировать газетный материал (весь! И длинный!), опубликованный в минувшую пятницу в Daily Telegraph. Это такой своеобразный тест на знание Британии. Почему? Он на злобу дня: один из широко обсуждаемых сейчас вопросов в Британии - это что такое "Britishness" ("Британскость"), надо ли ее продвигать в сознание людей, а если надо - то как это делать. У меня был в свое время пост на эту тему: Фундаментальные ценности и символы британской национальной идентичности в зеркале социологии.
В предлагаемом "тесте" (ссылка на него была на днях и в журнале vimvim) 5 разделов ("Еда и манеры", "География и климат", "Спорт", "Политика и культура", "История"), в каждом - по 10 вопросов. Можно пытаться выбрать один из четырех предлагаемых ответов на каждый вопрос. Но все же лучше рассматривать их как иронический комментарий к нынешним дискуссиям о "Britishness", ведущимся, быть может, слишком серьезно. Для тех, кто живет за пределами Альбиона, некоторые вопросы (и предлагаемые варианты ответов) могут не вызвать ассоциаций. Например, я сомневаюсь, что в России многие знают, кто такая Jade Goody и чем она знаменита (это "звезда" местного реалити-шоу, вызвавшая своей руганью с индийской актрисой в программе "Celebrity Big Brother" беспрецедентный скандал). Или почему на вопрос об импортируемых товарах предлагается такой ответ: "Being scavenged on a beach in east Devon" (здесь ссылка на событие недельной давности). Или взять самый первый вопрос насчет британского национальногог блюда: почему один из вариантов - "Chicken tikka masala"? Если Вы свяжете этот ответ с именем популярного покойного политика Робина Кука, то Вы очень много знаете о современной Британии! А некоторые вопросы пародируют Тест на знание британских реалий перед принятием гражданства, который с некоторых пор предписано проходить всем, кто претендует получение гражданства Великобритании.
Ну а можно просто относиться к этому "тесту" как образцу английcкого юмора с его фирменной самоиронией. Не скрою, одним из побудительных мотивов дать здесь этот текст послужила запись в жж юзера olshansky, который решил в очередной раз от души обругать Лондон, а заодно и английскую "цивилизацию" в целом. В частности, он пишет:
англичане невероятно злобные, неприятные, необщительные люди... сам строй английской жизни есть нечто адское и полностью противоположное русскому характеру. Это культивируемое спартанство, садизм закрытых школ, варварская жестокость британского национального менталитета, дома, где еще совсем недавно не было центрального отопления и смесителей, явная гордая бедность, гнуснейший патриотизм, наконец... Британия - цивилизация упырей.
Ведь этот знаток "британского национального менталитета" на самом деле знает о нем absolutely nothing. Что предлагаемый ни на что не претендующий текст из консервативной английской газеты ненавязчиво (хотя и длинновато) иллюстрирует.
Test your knowledge (By Ben Fenton)
Food & manners
1) Britain's national dish is:
a) Roast Aberdeen Angus Beef, Yorkshire Pudding and braised leeks.
b) Fish and chips
c) Chicken tikka masala
d) Inedible, whatever it is.
2) Fish and chips is:
a) Inedible, whatever it is
b) Not the same as when I was a child
c) An egalitarian meal enjoyed by people from all walks of life
d) Not the same since the EU stopped us eating out of newspaper.
3) Mushy peas are:
a) Something my grandparents might have eaten
b) Delicious with fish and chips
c) Easily mistaken for guacamole
d) Inedible, whatever it is.
4) The best cooks in the world are:
a) The French
b) Our mums
c) The ones that don't appear on the telly
d) The British
5) British chocolate is:
a) A blend of small amounts of cocoa and large amounts of vegetable fat
b) Much better than anything you buy abroad
c) Good for you
d) Easily mistaken for guacamole
6) When eating at a British family dinner table, it is unacceptable to:
a) Belch
b) Not belch
c) Mention Tony Blair
d) Announce that you are a vegan actually and ask the cook if she has any alfalfa sprouts.
7) You are standing in a crowded train and somebody stands on your foot, so you:
a) Stand on theirs, crying 'See, that's what it feels like, you troglodyte'.
b) Ignore it and hope nobody notices that you haven't made a fuss
c) Ignore it and hope everybody notices that you haven't made a fuss.
d) Apologise and move a few feet sideways.
8) A foreigner stops you in the street near your home and asks in well-modulated English for directions, so you:
a) Speak loudly and clearly and slowly and treat them like a child
b) Speak normally and tell them how to get to where they are going
c) Pretend you are a foreigner too and shrug, in a fashion suggesting that nothing in Britain is worth that much effort to go and see anyway
d) Be natural, helpful and charming, but direct them to somewhere else completely.
9) You are attending a parents' evening at school when your mobile telephone goes off, so you:
a) shrug, answer it and engage in a brief conversation with the caller, it might be important
b) look around crossly, tutting and privately scrabble around in your pocket to try to find the off button
c) Apologise to everyone present and leave the room
d) Answer the phone in a noisy fashion, saying "No, nothing special, fancy a pint later?".
10) A red traffic light is:
a) An important safety precaution
b) Guidance
c) Stuck
d) Amber, officer, I could have sworn it was on amber.
Geography & climate
1) Britain is:
a) England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland
b) Only the first three because if you add Northern Ireland it's the United Kingdom
c) A prosperous federation of culturally diverse regions on the northwest edge of the European Union
d) Slightly smaller than Oregon.
2) The northernmost point in Britain is:
a) Out Stack, Shetland Islands
b) Dunnett Head, Caithness, Scotland
c) Watford
d) Even colder and wetter than the rest.
3) The southernmost point in Britain is:
a) Less cold and wet than the rest
b) Les Minquiers Reef, Jersey
c) Dover
d) Chiantishire, Tuscany.
4) The principal exports of Britain are:
a) Money
b) Manufactured goods, fuels and chemicals
c) Expats
d) Crusader troops bent on re-establishing imperial hegemony over the developing nations of the world.
5) The principal imports of Britain are:
a) Being scavenged on a beach in east Devon
b) manufactured goods, machinery, fuels
c) Feckless, lazy individuals from other countries trying to take our jobs/benefits and unblock our u-bends
d) Much cheaper than anything we can make of the same quality.
6) The best thing about the British climate is:
a) At least it isn't worse
b) It gives the British something to talk about
c) There isn't one, it's ghastly
d) It's getting warmer.
7) The worst thing about the British climate is:
a) There isn't one, it's marvellous
b) It gives the British something to talk about.
c) For some inexplicable reason, it isn't suited to our railway infrastructure
d) It's getting warmer.
8) You should carry a brolly when you go out in Britain:
a) Just in case it rains
b) It's more likely to be sunny if you do
c) Do you mean an umbrella?
d) It makes you look suave and sophisticated, especially if your brolly has the name of an expensive sporting event you haven't been to printed on it.
9) Tornadoes happen in Britain:
a) More often than anywhere else in the world
b) On quiet news days when there isn't anything else to put in the papers
c) But not anywhere near us
d) And the odd thing is that they never hit caravan parks.
10) Global warming will mean:
a) Less Britain
b) More rain
c) Less rain
d) More moaning
Sport
1)"It is not the winning that counts but the taking part" is the watchword of:
a) The England cricket team
b) The Scottish rugby team
c) The Welsh football team
d) Losers.
2) Cricket is the most British of sports because:
a) It was invented here but everyone else now does it better
b) The English media gets very excited about it, ignoring the fact that the Scots, Welsh and Irish aren't really very interested at all
c) It epitomises the values of decency and fair play which made this nation great
d) Ordinary people play it, but it's usually the posh ones who get made captain.
3) Britain gets four chances to win the World Cup and the European Championship while every other country only has one because:
a) They might as well be separate countries when they play football anyway, they hate each other so much
b) It's only fair because we invented the game
c) The alternative is devolution
d) That's a very good point, don't you think FIFA ought to look into it?
4) The British and Irish Lions:
a) Are one of those extinct species that used to wander around when there were wolves and bears and so on
b) Are the only example of a co-operative sports team involving all the nations of the British Isles
c) Only win when the Welsh are in charge
d) Are the model for all future sports teams from this part of the world.
5) When Tim Henman is knocked out of Wimbledon, you are:
a) Disappointed that we can't produce a winner
b) Relieved that it's over for another year
c) Certain that Andy Murray will be no better
d) Practising your backhand
6) Your attitude to foreign football stars is:
a) This is a multicultural society and it reflects the fluidity of the modern world
b) They are debasing the standards of the game with their histrionic habits and allowing teams to purchase success
c) They do British-born players out of a chance and lower our chances of ever winning anything
d) I wish my team could afford some.
7) The Marquis of Queensberry Rules:
a) were dropped when FIFA was founded
b) govern the noble art of boxing
c) are for losers
d) OK.
8) All of the best football managers are:
a) Foreign
b) Scottish
c) Signed by some other club
d) Unavailable to manage England.
9) When England play any other nation at cricket, you support: a) England
b) The other side
c) The underdog
d) The League Against Cruel Sports.
10) The London 2012 Olympics will be a tournament for the entire country to celebrate because:
a) As we're all going to pay for it, we might as well enjoy it.
b) Our athletes will win glory and gold medals galore
c) We will teach the rest of the world what it means to be good losers
d) Sebastian Coe seems like a jolly nice, efficient sort of a chap.
Politics & culture
1) Britain's greatest Prime Minister was:
a) Pitt the Younger
b) Winston Churchill
c) Tony Blair
d) Still a politician.
2) We should erect a statue of John Prescott in Parliament Square because:
a) He is a monumental figure in British politics
b) It would remind politicians not to take themselves too seriously
c) Covering him in molten bronze would be no bad thing
d) Who is John Prescott?
3) The 25th anniversary of the Falklands War this year will mark:
a) A risky foreign adventure
b) A brilliantly executed response to armed aggression c) A crime against humanity
d) The last time we had anything remotely resembling a Navy.
4) Vast City bonuses:
a) Are the unacceptable face of capitalism
b) Are the justifiable reward for people whose work underpins Britain's economic well-being
c) Will trickle down into the rest of the economy
d) Will trickle down into the rest of the economy of the Bahamas.
5) Hunting was banned in Britain because of:
a) Cruelty to animals
b) Class envy
c) A fundamental misunderstanding of rural traditions by metropolitan politicians
d) Everyone had enough to eat and could buy food from the supermarket.
6) Devolution will never really happen in Britain because
a) Scotland needs the rest of Britain
b) Britain needs the oil of Scotland
c) The EU doesn't want any more small, broke nations joining it
d) Most Brits haven't finished with evolution yet, never mind devolution.
7) The West Lothian Question is:
a) Frankly, not worth bothering about
b) Why should Scots MPs be able to vote on English issues when English MPs can't vote on Scottish ones
c) The one I always get asked in pub quizzes
d) Where is West Lothian?
8) The BBC makes me:
a) Proud to be British
b) Hopping mad
c) See the value of Freeview
d) Pay my licence fee whether I want to or not.
9) Modern British Art makes me:
a) Proud to be British
b) Proud to be a Philistine
c) Slightly queasy
d) Appreciate the towering genius and talent of Jackson Pollock.
10) I watch Celebrity Big Brother:
a) Regularly because it gives me such a fascinating insight into the human psyche and the paradigms of interpersonal relationships
b) Only when a loaded Taser is placed in my mouth
c) Because I like to be able to keep up with what's going on in the newspapers
d) But please don't tell my friends.
History
1) British history started:
a) Long before the Romans arrived
b) In 1066 when William the Conqueror arrived.
c) In 1707 when the Scots arrived.
d) About 11am, just after double Maths and before Personal & Social Health Education.
2) There has never been a revolution in Britain because:
a) We couldn't be bothered
b) Only foreigners get that excited
c) There has. It was in 1649 when Cromwell chopped off Charles I's head, but we've calmed down now
d) Just you wait, my friends.
3) The last battle ever fought on British soil was:
a) Sedgemoor in 1685
b) Culloden in 1746
c) A bit of a waste of time because the Scots and the English are constantly bitching about each other still
d) Jade Goody v Shilpa Shetty in 2007.
4) The British Royal Family can trace its ancestry back:
a) To Wilfred the Hairy, Count of Barcelona and beyond
b) To William the Conqueror
c) Only with the help of the BBC's Who Do You Think You Are? programme
d) As far as they like, but they're still foreigners.
5) The battle of Waterloo was won by:
a) cunning use of railway supply lines and First Great Western buffet facilities
b) Arthur Wellesley, first Duke of Wellington
c) Abba.
d) The Germans, but we never give them credit for anything
6) Our legacy from the age of Victoria is:
a) Sewerage
b) An uncomfortable feeling of cultural decline
c) A place at the top table of nations
d) Romeo, Brooklyn and Cruz.
7) When Churchill said "We will fight them on the beaches", he was referring to:
a) The Labour Party
b) German stormtroopers arriving on BMW motorcycles
c) British "beachcombers" leaving on BMW motorcycles
d) Fatboy Slim
8) The British coat of arms bears the words: "Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Pense", which means:
a) Honey, Your Silk Stocking's Hanging Down [©Sellar and Yeatman]
b) Shame on Those Who Think This Shameful
c) We Should Be Kings of France Too
d) Honours Sure Are Getting More Expensive
9) Britain joined the "Common Market" in 1973 because:
a) The Government didn't read the fine print
b) We wanted take our place alongside our long-term international partners in a brave and stabilising economic union
c) You could get Green Shield Stamps and some nice cut-glass tumblers when you signed up
d) It seemed like a good idea at the time.
10) The figure from British history I would most like to see in the Celebrity Big Brother House is:
a) Sir Isaac Newton
b) Nell Gwynne
c) Jade Goody
d) Anybody in the severely infectious stages of the Black Death
Блог Бена Фентона
В предлагаемом "тесте" (ссылка на него была на днях и в журнале vimvim) 5 разделов ("Еда и манеры", "География и климат", "Спорт", "Политика и культура", "История"), в каждом - по 10 вопросов. Можно пытаться выбрать один из четырех предлагаемых ответов на каждый вопрос. Но все же лучше рассматривать их как иронический комментарий к нынешним дискуссиям о "Britishness", ведущимся, быть может, слишком серьезно. Для тех, кто живет за пределами Альбиона, некоторые вопросы (и предлагаемые варианты ответов) могут не вызвать ассоциаций. Например, я сомневаюсь, что в России многие знают, кто такая Jade Goody и чем она знаменита (это "звезда" местного реалити-шоу, вызвавшая своей руганью с индийской актрисой в программе "Celebrity Big Brother" беспрецедентный скандал). Или почему на вопрос об импортируемых товарах предлагается такой ответ: "Being scavenged on a beach in east Devon" (здесь ссылка на событие недельной давности). Или взять самый первый вопрос насчет британского национальногог блюда: почему один из вариантов - "Chicken tikka masala"? Если Вы свяжете этот ответ с именем популярного покойного политика Робина Кука, то Вы очень много знаете о современной Британии! А некоторые вопросы пародируют Тест на знание британских реалий перед принятием гражданства, который с некоторых пор предписано проходить всем, кто претендует получение гражданства Великобритании.
Ну а можно просто относиться к этому "тесту" как образцу английcкого юмора с его фирменной самоиронией. Не скрою, одним из побудительных мотивов дать здесь этот текст послужила запись в жж юзера olshansky, который решил в очередной раз от души обругать Лондон, а заодно и английскую "цивилизацию" в целом. В частности, он пишет:
англичане невероятно злобные, неприятные, необщительные люди... сам строй английской жизни есть нечто адское и полностью противоположное русскому характеру. Это культивируемое спартанство, садизм закрытых школ, варварская жестокость британского национального менталитета, дома, где еще совсем недавно не было центрального отопления и смесителей, явная гордая бедность, гнуснейший патриотизм, наконец... Британия - цивилизация упырей.
Ведь этот знаток "британского национального менталитета" на самом деле знает о нем absolutely nothing. Что предлагаемый ни на что не претендующий текст из консервативной английской газеты ненавязчиво (хотя и длинновато) иллюстрирует.
Test your knowledge (By Ben Fenton)
1) Britain's national dish is:
a) Roast Aberdeen Angus Beef, Yorkshire Pudding and braised leeks.
b) Fish and chips
c) Chicken tikka masala
d) Inedible, whatever it is.
2) Fish and chips is:
a) Inedible, whatever it is
b) Not the same as when I was a child
c) An egalitarian meal enjoyed by people from all walks of life
d) Not the same since the EU stopped us eating out of newspaper.
3) Mushy peas are:
a) Something my grandparents might have eaten
b) Delicious with fish and chips
c) Easily mistaken for guacamole
d) Inedible, whatever it is.
4) The best cooks in the world are:
a) The French
b) Our mums
c) The ones that don't appear on the telly
d) The British
5) British chocolate is:
a) A blend of small amounts of cocoa and large amounts of vegetable fat
b) Much better than anything you buy abroad
c) Good for you
d) Easily mistaken for guacamole
6) When eating at a British family dinner table, it is unacceptable to:
a) Belch
b) Not belch
c) Mention Tony Blair
d) Announce that you are a vegan actually and ask the cook if she has any alfalfa sprouts.
7) You are standing in a crowded train and somebody stands on your foot, so you:
a) Stand on theirs, crying 'See, that's what it feels like, you troglodyte'.
b) Ignore it and hope nobody notices that you haven't made a fuss
c) Ignore it and hope everybody notices that you haven't made a fuss.
d) Apologise and move a few feet sideways.
8) A foreigner stops you in the street near your home and asks in well-modulated English for directions, so you:
a) Speak loudly and clearly and slowly and treat them like a child
b) Speak normally and tell them how to get to where they are going
c) Pretend you are a foreigner too and shrug, in a fashion suggesting that nothing in Britain is worth that much effort to go and see anyway
d) Be natural, helpful and charming, but direct them to somewhere else completely.
9) You are attending a parents' evening at school when your mobile telephone goes off, so you:
a) shrug, answer it and engage in a brief conversation with the caller, it might be important
b) look around crossly, tutting and privately scrabble around in your pocket to try to find the off button
c) Apologise to everyone present and leave the room
d) Answer the phone in a noisy fashion, saying "No, nothing special, fancy a pint later?".
10) A red traffic light is:
a) An important safety precaution
b) Guidance
c) Stuck
d) Amber, officer, I could have sworn it was on amber.
1) Britain is:
a) England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland
b) Only the first three because if you add Northern Ireland it's the United Kingdom
c) A prosperous federation of culturally diverse regions on the northwest edge of the European Union
d) Slightly smaller than Oregon.
2) The northernmost point in Britain is:
a) Out Stack, Shetland Islands
b) Dunnett Head, Caithness, Scotland
c) Watford
d) Even colder and wetter than the rest.
3) The southernmost point in Britain is:
a) Less cold and wet than the rest
b) Les Minquiers Reef, Jersey
c) Dover
d) Chiantishire, Tuscany.
4) The principal exports of Britain are:
a) Money
b) Manufactured goods, fuels and chemicals
c) Expats
d) Crusader troops bent on re-establishing imperial hegemony over the developing nations of the world.
5) The principal imports of Britain are:
a) Being scavenged on a beach in east Devon
b) manufactured goods, machinery, fuels
c) Feckless, lazy individuals from other countries trying to take our jobs/benefits and unblock our u-bends
d) Much cheaper than anything we can make of the same quality.
6) The best thing about the British climate is:
a) At least it isn't worse
b) It gives the British something to talk about
c) There isn't one, it's ghastly
d) It's getting warmer.
7) The worst thing about the British climate is:
a) There isn't one, it's marvellous
b) It gives the British something to talk about.
c) For some inexplicable reason, it isn't suited to our railway infrastructure
d) It's getting warmer.
8) You should carry a brolly when you go out in Britain:
a) Just in case it rains
b) It's more likely to be sunny if you do
c) Do you mean an umbrella?
d) It makes you look suave and sophisticated, especially if your brolly has the name of an expensive sporting event you haven't been to printed on it.
9) Tornadoes happen in Britain:
a) More often than anywhere else in the world
b) On quiet news days when there isn't anything else to put in the papers
c) But not anywhere near us
d) And the odd thing is that they never hit caravan parks.
10) Global warming will mean:
a) Less Britain
b) More rain
c) Less rain
d) More moaning
1)"It is not the winning that counts but the taking part" is the watchword of:
a) The England cricket team
b) The Scottish rugby team
c) The Welsh football team
d) Losers.
2) Cricket is the most British of sports because:
a) It was invented here but everyone else now does it better
b) The English media gets very excited about it, ignoring the fact that the Scots, Welsh and Irish aren't really very interested at all
c) It epitomises the values of decency and fair play which made this nation great
d) Ordinary people play it, but it's usually the posh ones who get made captain.
3) Britain gets four chances to win the World Cup and the European Championship while every other country only has one because:
a) They might as well be separate countries when they play football anyway, they hate each other so much
b) It's only fair because we invented the game
c) The alternative is devolution
d) That's a very good point, don't you think FIFA ought to look into it?
4) The British and Irish Lions:
a) Are one of those extinct species that used to wander around when there were wolves and bears and so on
b) Are the only example of a co-operative sports team involving all the nations of the British Isles
c) Only win when the Welsh are in charge
d) Are the model for all future sports teams from this part of the world.
5) When Tim Henman is knocked out of Wimbledon, you are:
a) Disappointed that we can't produce a winner
b) Relieved that it's over for another year
c) Certain that Andy Murray will be no better
d) Practising your backhand
6) Your attitude to foreign football stars is:
a) This is a multicultural society and it reflects the fluidity of the modern world
b) They are debasing the standards of the game with their histrionic habits and allowing teams to purchase success
c) They do British-born players out of a chance and lower our chances of ever winning anything
d) I wish my team could afford some.
7) The Marquis of Queensberry Rules:
a) were dropped when FIFA was founded
b) govern the noble art of boxing
c) are for losers
d) OK.
8) All of the best football managers are:
a) Foreign
b) Scottish
c) Signed by some other club
d) Unavailable to manage England.
9) When England play any other nation at cricket, you support: a) England
b) The other side
c) The underdog
d) The League Against Cruel Sports.
10) The London 2012 Olympics will be a tournament for the entire country to celebrate because:
a) As we're all going to pay for it, we might as well enjoy it.
b) Our athletes will win glory and gold medals galore
c) We will teach the rest of the world what it means to be good losers
d) Sebastian Coe seems like a jolly nice, efficient sort of a chap.
1) Britain's greatest Prime Minister was:
a) Pitt the Younger
b) Winston Churchill
c) Tony Blair
d) Still a politician.
2) We should erect a statue of John Prescott in Parliament Square because:
a) He is a monumental figure in British politics
b) It would remind politicians not to take themselves too seriously
c) Covering him in molten bronze would be no bad thing
d) Who is John Prescott?
3) The 25th anniversary of the Falklands War this year will mark:
a) A risky foreign adventure
b) A brilliantly executed response to armed aggression c) A crime against humanity
d) The last time we had anything remotely resembling a Navy.
4) Vast City bonuses:
a) Are the unacceptable face of capitalism
b) Are the justifiable reward for people whose work underpins Britain's economic well-being
c) Will trickle down into the rest of the economy
d) Will trickle down into the rest of the economy of the Bahamas.
5) Hunting was banned in Britain because of:
a) Cruelty to animals
b) Class envy
c) A fundamental misunderstanding of rural traditions by metropolitan politicians
d) Everyone had enough to eat and could buy food from the supermarket.
6) Devolution will never really happen in Britain because
a) Scotland needs the rest of Britain
b) Britain needs the oil of Scotland
c) The EU doesn't want any more small, broke nations joining it
d) Most Brits haven't finished with evolution yet, never mind devolution.
7) The West Lothian Question is:
a) Frankly, not worth bothering about
b) Why should Scots MPs be able to vote on English issues when English MPs can't vote on Scottish ones
c) The one I always get asked in pub quizzes
d) Where is West Lothian?
8) The BBC makes me:
a) Proud to be British
b) Hopping mad
c) See the value of Freeview
d) Pay my licence fee whether I want to or not.
9) Modern British Art makes me:
a) Proud to be British
b) Proud to be a Philistine
c) Slightly queasy
d) Appreciate the towering genius and talent of Jackson Pollock.
10) I watch Celebrity Big Brother:
a) Regularly because it gives me such a fascinating insight into the human psyche and the paradigms of interpersonal relationships
b) Only when a loaded Taser is placed in my mouth
c) Because I like to be able to keep up with what's going on in the newspapers
d) But please don't tell my friends.
1) British history started:
a) Long before the Romans arrived
b) In 1066 when William the Conqueror arrived.
c) In 1707 when the Scots arrived.
d) About 11am, just after double Maths and before Personal & Social Health Education.
2) There has never been a revolution in Britain because:
a) We couldn't be bothered
b) Only foreigners get that excited
c) There has. It was in 1649 when Cromwell chopped off Charles I's head, but we've calmed down now
d) Just you wait, my friends.
3) The last battle ever fought on British soil was:
a) Sedgemoor in 1685
b) Culloden in 1746
c) A bit of a waste of time because the Scots and the English are constantly bitching about each other still
d) Jade Goody v Shilpa Shetty in 2007.
4) The British Royal Family can trace its ancestry back:
a) To Wilfred the Hairy, Count of Barcelona and beyond
b) To William the Conqueror
c) Only with the help of the BBC's Who Do You Think You Are? programme
d) As far as they like, but they're still foreigners.
5) The battle of Waterloo was won by:
a) cunning use of railway supply lines and First Great Western buffet facilities
b) Arthur Wellesley, first Duke of Wellington
c) Abba.
d) The Germans, but we never give them credit for anything
6) Our legacy from the age of Victoria is:
a) Sewerage
b) An uncomfortable feeling of cultural decline
c) A place at the top table of nations
d) Romeo, Brooklyn and Cruz.
7) When Churchill said "We will fight them on the beaches", he was referring to:
a) The Labour Party
b) German stormtroopers arriving on BMW motorcycles
c) British "beachcombers" leaving on BMW motorcycles
d) Fatboy Slim
8) The British coat of arms bears the words: "Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Pense", which means:
a) Honey, Your Silk Stocking's Hanging Down [©Sellar and Yeatman]
b) Shame on Those Who Think This Shameful
c) We Should Be Kings of France Too
d) Honours Sure Are Getting More Expensive
9) Britain joined the "Common Market" in 1973 because:
a) The Government didn't read the fine print
b) We wanted take our place alongside our long-term international partners in a brave and stabilising economic union
c) You could get Green Shield Stamps and some nice cut-glass tumblers when you signed up
d) It seemed like a good idea at the time.
10) The figure from British history I would most like to see in the Celebrity Big Brother House is:
a) Sir Isaac Newton
b) Nell Gwynne
c) Jade Goody
d) Anybody in the severely infectious stages of the Black Death
Блог Бена Фентона