(no subject)
A Screamingly Funny Site:
The Book of Ratings
Everything from Star Wars Legos, to stuff from the Dollar Store to Norse Gods and D&D monsters.
D&D Monsters
Owlbear
It's this big, owlish, bearish thing. Big deal. I can play that game too. "Watch out for the hawklion! Beware the vulturetiger! Don't worry too much about the sparrowspaniel!" The Monster Manual says that this beastie is "probably the result of genetic experimentation by some insane wizard." Insane wizards are an important part of the D&D economy, keeping inefficiently-designed catacombs stocked, adventurers busy, and dealers in magic items happy. Kind of like the WPA, only with bushier eyebrows. D+
Refrigerator Magnets
Poetry Sets
The perennial problem with these is that they don't have enough "plain" words like "an" and "the," so my poetry ends up sounding like Tonto attempting to seduce the Lone Ranger. "Moon shine through window. delicious breeze caress skin. surrender." In retaliation, I disassemble other people's poems and create the most banal sentences possible. My favorite so far: "I will join the hair club for men" B
French Food you suck on
Fruité
At first I thought the name of this product was "facile a boire," but apparently that's just to inform you that it's easy to drink. One would hope. Fruit drinks that require you disarm the poison needle hidden in the lid rarely sell well. As far as I can tell, the juice bag in question is referred to by the Fruité people as a "cheerpack," which must give the French language purity council conniptions. C+
Star Wars Lego Figures
Biggs
Hey, it's Biggs! Biggs Darklighter! With his little mustache and helmet, looking for all the world like a doomed member of some intergalactic version of the Village People! Biggs has gotten pretty screwed on the action figure front, so it's nice to see him get his moment in the sun, even if he has to do it with no nose. A
Tattooine Luke
I like this. I like his plastic removable 'do that captures the artificially full-bodied look that characterized the hairstyle everyone named "Luke" had in the seventies. I like the determined look on his face that says "I may not have knees or individual fingers, but I am going to rescue the galaxy from evil nonetheless." I like the careful and not altogether unsuccessful attempt to recreate his frumpy desert clothes. It's just a class act all around. A
(And remember, kids, if you put one's legs on becakward, he can give the other a blow job. Ahhh, Lego porn...)
Greek Gods
Gaia
Ah, yes, Gaia, the warm, loving earth mother who made a sickle so one of her sons could castrate another one of her sons, who also happened to be his brother and her husband. This, along with the fact that most of Gaia's offspring were monsters, hundred-handed giants and the like, makes hers a story more likely to go over well at a David Lynch film festival than a solstice retreat/drum circle. C-
IOW, check it out
What a day.
I have a cold. Bunny may be coming down with strep, (not to be confused with Streep, we're still waiting on that Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe callback) which means we'll all have it soon.
We were overderawn by $250 at lunch time. I got my paycheck, which was a whopping $46 for fondling all those padded bras at Victoria's Secret.
I have to work tomorrow.
I'm hungry and all I want is a beautiful rare steak. I'm getting turkey potpie.
No writing available. No inspiration. Maybe I shall give myself a 15 muinute challenge on each story under construction.
The Book of Ratings
Everything from Star Wars Legos, to stuff from the Dollar Store to Norse Gods and D&D monsters.
D&D Monsters
Owlbear
It's this big, owlish, bearish thing. Big deal. I can play that game too. "Watch out for the hawklion! Beware the vulturetiger! Don't worry too much about the sparrowspaniel!" The Monster Manual says that this beastie is "probably the result of genetic experimentation by some insane wizard." Insane wizards are an important part of the D&D economy, keeping inefficiently-designed catacombs stocked, adventurers busy, and dealers in magic items happy. Kind of like the WPA, only with bushier eyebrows. D+
Refrigerator Magnets
Poetry Sets
The perennial problem with these is that they don't have enough "plain" words like "an" and "the," so my poetry ends up sounding like Tonto attempting to seduce the Lone Ranger. "Moon shine through window. delicious breeze caress skin. surrender." In retaliation, I disassemble other people's poems and create the most banal sentences possible. My favorite so far: "I will join the hair club for men" B
French Food you suck on
Fruité
At first I thought the name of this product was "facile a boire," but apparently that's just to inform you that it's easy to drink. One would hope. Fruit drinks that require you disarm the poison needle hidden in the lid rarely sell well. As far as I can tell, the juice bag in question is referred to by the Fruité people as a "cheerpack," which must give the French language purity council conniptions. C+
Star Wars Lego Figures
Biggs
Hey, it's Biggs! Biggs Darklighter! With his little mustache and helmet, looking for all the world like a doomed member of some intergalactic version of the Village People! Biggs has gotten pretty screwed on the action figure front, so it's nice to see him get his moment in the sun, even if he has to do it with no nose. A
Tattooine Luke
I like this. I like his plastic removable 'do that captures the artificially full-bodied look that characterized the hairstyle everyone named "Luke" had in the seventies. I like the determined look on his face that says "I may not have knees or individual fingers, but I am going to rescue the galaxy from evil nonetheless." I like the careful and not altogether unsuccessful attempt to recreate his frumpy desert clothes. It's just a class act all around. A
(And remember, kids, if you put one's legs on becakward, he can give the other a blow job. Ahhh, Lego porn...)
Greek Gods
Gaia
Ah, yes, Gaia, the warm, loving earth mother who made a sickle so one of her sons could castrate another one of her sons, who also happened to be his brother and her husband. This, along with the fact that most of Gaia's offspring were monsters, hundred-handed giants and the like, makes hers a story more likely to go over well at a David Lynch film festival than a solstice retreat/drum circle. C-
IOW, check it out
What a day.
I have a cold. Bunny may be coming down with strep, (not to be confused with Streep, we're still waiting on that Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe callback) which means we'll all have it soon.
We were overderawn by $250 at lunch time. I got my paycheck, which was a whopping $46 for fondling all those padded bras at Victoria's Secret.
I have to work tomorrow.
I'm hungry and all I want is a beautiful rare steak. I'm getting turkey potpie.
No writing available. No inspiration. Maybe I shall give myself a 15 muinute challenge on each story under construction.