The Dress
Every family has it. The gift that was so dreadful it surpassed badness and went straight to Family Legend. This is our family's story. The Dress.
It was 1991.
I was 5 months pregnant with Victoria.
My father was married to a size 2 with a pair of size 0 daughters, none of whom was more than 5' tall. For reference, I am 6' and size 16 at the time. I had lots of long red hair and am an autumn.
And my stepmother bought me maternity clothing.
The sweater and tops were all right, but then I opened...The Dress.
According to Mudd, a look of shocked horror passed over my face as I peered in the box.
The dress was black. With pink and orange and blue and lavender and green flowers and bubbles printed all over it. It had a dropped waist with a peplum, and a solid black rib-knit skirt that bound my thighs together. It had a bow on the butt. It had a black peter pan collar, and a pink button and a black bow and a blue button and a black bow and an orange button.
I put it on, against my better judgement.
I looked like Peggy Bundy.
Mudd had to get me down the stairs because the skirt made me only able to walk from the knees down.
My mother, later, took a single look at the dress and said "How badly does this woman hate you?"
I got the receipt and took it back. In its place, I got a lovely green dress with hints of lavender. The punchline? There were SIX identical dresses on the return rack.
It was 1991.
I was 5 months pregnant with Victoria.
My father was married to a size 2 with a pair of size 0 daughters, none of whom was more than 5' tall. For reference, I am 6' and size 16 at the time. I had lots of long red hair and am an autumn.
And my stepmother bought me maternity clothing.
The sweater and tops were all right, but then I opened...The Dress.
According to Mudd, a look of shocked horror passed over my face as I peered in the box.
The dress was black. With pink and orange and blue and lavender and green flowers and bubbles printed all over it. It had a dropped waist with a peplum, and a solid black rib-knit skirt that bound my thighs together. It had a bow on the butt. It had a black peter pan collar, and a pink button and a black bow and a blue button and a black bow and an orange button.
I put it on, against my better judgement.
I looked like Peggy Bundy.
Mudd had to get me down the stairs because the skirt made me only able to walk from the knees down.
My mother, later, took a single look at the dress and said "How badly does this woman hate you?"
I got the receipt and took it back. In its place, I got a lovely green dress with hints of lavender. The punchline? There were SIX identical dresses on the return rack.