Dear Facebook Friend:

[valancy_s]

I have a political opinion. Actually, what I have is a political fact, because all the facts support my position and none of them support the opinion I see some people expressing here on your Facebook wall today. I wanted to comment, not because I am an argumentative person or need to be right - God knows, I hate arguing - but because I thought your best friend from college, your boss, and your favorite aunt needed to be told that they are idiots. It's nothing personal, I've never met them, they just happen to hold a political opinion that only an idiot could hold. They need to know. It's also important that I point this out because other people might not realize that they are idiots, and look at all the trouble that could cause! They might start listening to idiot facts instead of facts that support my opinion, which are the only real facts. I applaud you, Facebook friend, for asking for civil discussion in this matter. Civil discussion is a great opportunity to clear away logic flaws, by which I mean arguments that I can totally disprove by applying straw man, false dilemma, or slippery slope fallacies to them. If you'd like, Facebook friend, I could send you some links to internet articles by other people who know all the real facts too. Wouldn't your best friend from college, your boss, and your favorite aunt like to read them, so they can stop being, so regrettably, people I have to call idiots? In fact, I have a lot of friends on Facebook who, like me, also support the only political position held by people who aren't actively out to destroy all the good in this world. Is it okay if I tag them all in this post? Never mind, I've already done it. Now they can repeat what I've said at greater length until you, and everyone reading this thread, realizes: of course I'm right.

P.S. It was so nice to meet you last week! Hope you'll become a permanent member of our softball league.