Valadil's Greatest Hits: Volume 1
So kalliejenn2 complained commented suggested that I don't post often enough. She said that my posts are usually entertaining and/or interesting. The reason they're interesting is because I try to post only when I have something interesting to say, as opposed to "my corn flakes were soggy again, fuck you milk." Being that works been decent and I haven't caused any explosions in recent memory, I don't have anything interesting to discuss. Vis-a-vis, I delve into the past.
How could your life be complete without these classics?
"Why were my keys in the Raisin Bran? And why did I know to look for them in there?"
"I just discovered that my right thigh was shaved while I was unconscious. I'm not sure if I'm more bothered by the fact that it was shaved or that it took me 3 days to notice."
"My brother now owns and operates a 'dew rag.' "
And where would you be without these memories?
"I then offered* the cookie to natbudin. To his credit, Nat managed a whole bite before cursing my name, coughing twice, and dying on the couch in a shallow pool of his own feces**. (* whether or not I "offered" or "force-fed" the oreo is still up for debate. ** The word "dying" is a typo. It was supposed to say "sitting." Also, no feces were present.) "
"Well, except for galathilion, who stabbed me with a pen. "
"Rather than make the bleeding stop with bandages or something intelligent, I dipped my thumb in hot wax to seal it shut."
All the punchline, none of the context!
"I laid a slice of cheese on the cookie, let it melt, tucked it in a bun and set it with the other cheeseburgers."
"Extinguished 0 Shelbies. "
"Dear Dan Rather, Esse, I cut you so bad ... you ... you wish I never cut you so bad! Your pal, Jon."
That's not all! VGH:V1 is a full multimedia experience. How could it be complete without...
Snakes on a Plane 2: Goats on a Boat?
But wait! Order now and you'll also receive Valadil's Greatest Hits: Volume 1 The B Sides, including such hits as...
"I'm alive. Sorry, Kolb. "
"I got drunk with my brother for the first time. I'm pretty sure he's been drunk before, but we've never had any liquor together. Once he was thoroughly trashed (after a mere two drinks) I made him play football with me outside. Poor fucker ran into a cactus. At least he doesn't seem to remember that part. "
"Now I'm all wet and sticky. "
Both discs, all for the low, low price of $19.99! Shipping and handling not included.
How could your life be complete without these classics?
"Why were my keys in the Raisin Bran? And why did I know to look for them in there?"
"I just discovered that my right thigh was shaved while I was unconscious. I'm not sure if I'm more bothered by the fact that it was shaved or that it took me 3 days to notice."
"My brother now owns and operates a 'dew rag.' "
And where would you be without these memories?
"I then offered* the cookie to natbudin. To his credit, Nat managed a whole bite before cursing my name, coughing twice, and dying on the couch in a shallow pool of his own feces**. (* whether or not I "offered" or "force-fed" the oreo is still up for debate. ** The word "dying" is a typo. It was supposed to say "sitting." Also, no feces were present.) "
"Well, except for galathilion, who stabbed me with a pen. "
"Rather than make the bleeding stop with bandages or something intelligent, I dipped my thumb in hot wax to seal it shut."
All the punchline, none of the context!
"I laid a slice of cheese on the cookie, let it melt, tucked it in a bun and set it with the other cheeseburgers."
"Extinguished 0 Shelbies. "
"Dear Dan Rather, Esse, I cut you so bad ... you ... you wish I never cut you so bad! Your pal, Jon."
That's not all! VGH:V1 is a full multimedia experience. How could it be complete without...
Snakes on a Plane 2: Goats on a Boat?
But wait! Order now and you'll also receive Valadil's Greatest Hits: Volume 1 The B Sides, including such hits as...
"I'm alive. Sorry, Kolb. "
"I got drunk with my brother for the first time. I'm pretty sure he's been drunk before, but we've never had any liquor together. Once he was thoroughly trashed (after a mere two drinks) I made him play football with me outside. Poor fucker ran into a cactus. At least he doesn't seem to remember that part. "
"Now I'm all wet and sticky. "
Both discs, all for the low, low price of $19.99! Shipping and handling not included.