wow.
it has been a looooonng three years since i have updated my Lj.
i miss it, doing this probably would have gotten me through alot.
im 21 now, a single mother, and lonely. the man boy i loved turned out to not be such a knight in shinning armor.
the boy i have been with off and on for almost the past three years.wesley aaron davis.
he has lied, cheated, belittled me and left me to fend for myself with a 5 month old baby, all because he didnt want to be tied down and wasn't ready to grow up and except his responsibility. wow it must be nice to just walk away and leave your burdens at the door. it must be nice to not be tied down and not worry about anyone but yourself.
for a while it took me a while to get it in my head that he is the one missing out. i thought i was and for a minute i was blaming my son. then i realized this is in no way his fault he didnt ask to be brought into this world, and i have to take responsibility for my actions. when i got pregnant me and wesley were not even together. he was talking to me and another girl at the same time. unfortunately i found all of this out on of course my birthday. i was turning 20 years old crying my eyes out finding out the person i had trusted so much had actually had more secrets than i thought. what a way to enjoy getting older. it almost made me think if this is what i have to look forward to then why the hell even try anymore. after a while wesley came around and he actually wanted to try to make things work and act like a little family. we got a house and decorated it got all the baby's things and put them together. it all seemed to be workin out i thought for sure "wesley has changed he is a new man" like maybe things would actually turn out better than i thought. well after a grueling labor with my son i had to have a c section. so i was very sore and very tired. wesley took care of me until felt better. he would take care of the baby change his diaper cook me dinner the shabang. when i got my health some what back i didnt exactly have time to everything a exceptional wife would do and this brought on drama when the dishes were dirty when the trash didnt get taken out when there was no dinner for him when he got home. well if that wasnt enough we were soon hit with other bad news, wesley lost his job. worried about what the hell we were going to do for in come wesley and i applied for a couple jobs.wesley wasnt very persistant which worried me and made me look harder. so i finally got a job at dairy queen. wesley had to stay home with gibson. gibson was used to me being around all the time so when i was gone he wouldcry alot because he wasnt comfortable with wesley. well after working i would come home stay up with gibson, wake up with gibson and then get ready for work then the whole process would start over again. of course i was wore out with the lack of help from wesley the constant gripping about the unclean house and then there was taking care of the baby. well eventually fighting turned into a everyday ritual. when wesley finally got another job he got a truck from his brother. i guess he saw that as freedom and took advantage and wouldnt come home after work because he would try to avoid the daily fights. i dont blame him but it still upset me at the same time.the fact that he didnt even want to come home to his girlfriend and his son. that now way to live your life. eventually i would just ask wesley if he was happy or not. at first he would say he was then it turned into i dont want to talk about it and then an i dont know and finally after he wouldnt talk to me i just decided that i would go stay with my parents for a couple days to give us a break from the fighting. when i got home wesley was a different person. he seemed distant and i got the idea he finally realized what he wanted. and it wasnt me. after a few more trips back and forth to my parents house i came to the decision that i was leaving because living with someone who does hug you or kiss you or even say i love you is enough to drive a person crazy. i guess after like 3 days of being gone wesley found someone else and started to move on. it hurt so much to know that it didnt take very long to replace me. thats enough to make a person hate theirself. when i went back to let wesley see his son it was so hard because i know everytime he looked at his phone it was her texting him. all in all im living with my parents he is living by himself talking to some little girl with a 2 year old kid that is just going to use him for his money and so she wont be lonely. im just trying to go on day by day. its slowly getting easier and im starting to cry less. im starting to gain confidence back and im starting to have fun more and more enjoying everyday i can with my son.
i miss it, doing this probably would have gotten me through alot.
im 21 now, a single mother, and lonely. the man boy i loved turned out to not be such a knight in shinning armor.
the boy i have been with off and on for almost the past three years.wesley aaron davis.
he has lied, cheated, belittled me and left me to fend for myself with a 5 month old baby, all because he didnt want to be tied down and wasn't ready to grow up and except his responsibility. wow it must be nice to just walk away and leave your burdens at the door. it must be nice to not be tied down and not worry about anyone but yourself.
for a while it took me a while to get it in my head that he is the one missing out. i thought i was and for a minute i was blaming my son. then i realized this is in no way his fault he didnt ask to be brought into this world, and i have to take responsibility for my actions. when i got pregnant me and wesley were not even together. he was talking to me and another girl at the same time. unfortunately i found all of this out on of course my birthday. i was turning 20 years old crying my eyes out finding out the person i had trusted so much had actually had more secrets than i thought. what a way to enjoy getting older. it almost made me think if this is what i have to look forward to then why the hell even try anymore. after a while wesley came around and he actually wanted to try to make things work and act like a little family. we got a house and decorated it got all the baby's things and put them together. it all seemed to be workin out i thought for sure "wesley has changed he is a new man" like maybe things would actually turn out better than i thought. well after a grueling labor with my son i had to have a c section. so i was very sore and very tired. wesley took care of me until felt better. he would take care of the baby change his diaper cook me dinner the shabang. when i got my health some what back i didnt exactly have time to everything a exceptional wife would do and this brought on drama when the dishes were dirty when the trash didnt get taken out when there was no dinner for him when he got home. well if that wasnt enough we were soon hit with other bad news, wesley lost his job. worried about what the hell we were going to do for in come wesley and i applied for a couple jobs.wesley wasnt very persistant which worried me and made me look harder. so i finally got a job at dairy queen. wesley had to stay home with gibson. gibson was used to me being around all the time so when i was gone he wouldcry alot because he wasnt comfortable with wesley. well after working i would come home stay up with gibson, wake up with gibson and then get ready for work then the whole process would start over again. of course i was wore out with the lack of help from wesley the constant gripping about the unclean house and then there was taking care of the baby. well eventually fighting turned into a everyday ritual. when wesley finally got another job he got a truck from his brother. i guess he saw that as freedom and took advantage and wouldnt come home after work because he would try to avoid the daily fights. i dont blame him but it still upset me at the same time.the fact that he didnt even want to come home to his girlfriend and his son. that now way to live your life. eventually i would just ask wesley if he was happy or not. at first he would say he was then it turned into i dont want to talk about it and then an i dont know and finally after he wouldnt talk to me i just decided that i would go stay with my parents for a couple days to give us a break from the fighting. when i got home wesley was a different person. he seemed distant and i got the idea he finally realized what he wanted. and it wasnt me. after a few more trips back and forth to my parents house i came to the decision that i was leaving because living with someone who does hug you or kiss you or even say i love you is enough to drive a person crazy. i guess after like 3 days of being gone wesley found someone else and started to move on. it hurt so much to know that it didnt take very long to replace me. thats enough to make a person hate theirself. when i went back to let wesley see his son it was so hard because i know everytime he looked at his phone it was her texting him. all in all im living with my parents he is living by himself talking to some little girl with a 2 year old kid that is just going to use him for his money and so she wont be lonely. im just trying to go on day by day. its slowly getting easier and im starting to cry less. im starting to gain confidence back and im starting to have fun more and more enjoying everyday i can with my son.