(no subject)
Oh who uses livejournal anymore.
I woke up this morning to Rick setting a plate of eggs and bagels in front of my face. He had even gone out to Starbucks to get me coffee. I don't like coffee, except for when Rick gets it for me.
He left to take a test and I stayed in bed a bit longer. The old frienship journal from last fall was at arm's reach, so I read it. All of it.
I feel so sad.
Everyone used to be so together. Ali and Dylan and Brit and Ian kept me strong. I kept searching for my "peanut butter," for the one who would compliment my waves. And I admired them. I didn't want to accept anything less than what they had (though I did so many times).
Ali wrote about wanting to marry Dylan and Dylan about wanting to kiss Ali every five seconds. Ali, Brit and I were becoming best friends and fantasized about growing old together.
While reading this I thought about Ali returning in a month. I thought for a second that maybe everything would magically be better when she got back. That it would be like Morgan said, once she was back it would be like she had never left. Maybe Ali and Dylan could fall back in love. Maybe they would be better than ever. And we would all be together again
And then I got on livejournal. To see the first entry Ali had written in months.
She wants to be with Phil. She may not come home at all.
She hopes we understand, and that she still treasures our friendship, and maybe we'll both end up in Japan together one day.
Oh its so fair. Its her living life.
But I just want to fight it.
I want her to come back and realize she can be happy here too. Maybe she just forgot how much she fits here? How much she loves us? Oh if only she came back....then she'd surely remember...
I have Rick now! Just come back and Brit will have her Ian and she could have her Dylan again and I'll finally not be the fifth wheel. We can take pictures on that bridge together and go on picnics and you guys can photograph me and rick kissing with cookies in our hands and playing on the monkey bars.
I feel like such a baby. I'm not getting what I want and I'm throwing a fit.
I don't want Dylan to be with Christina
I don't want Ali to be far away anymore.
I don't want us to be apart
I know I'm happy. I know I love having David and Corwin close to me now
but in this moment, I just want to cry.
a lot.
I woke up this morning to Rick setting a plate of eggs and bagels in front of my face. He had even gone out to Starbucks to get me coffee. I don't like coffee, except for when Rick gets it for me.
He left to take a test and I stayed in bed a bit longer. The old frienship journal from last fall was at arm's reach, so I read it. All of it.
I feel so sad.
Everyone used to be so together. Ali and Dylan and Brit and Ian kept me strong. I kept searching for my "peanut butter," for the one who would compliment my waves. And I admired them. I didn't want to accept anything less than what they had (though I did so many times).
Ali wrote about wanting to marry Dylan and Dylan about wanting to kiss Ali every five seconds. Ali, Brit and I were becoming best friends and fantasized about growing old together.
While reading this I thought about Ali returning in a month. I thought for a second that maybe everything would magically be better when she got back. That it would be like Morgan said, once she was back it would be like she had never left. Maybe Ali and Dylan could fall back in love. Maybe they would be better than ever. And we would all be together again
And then I got on livejournal. To see the first entry Ali had written in months.
She wants to be with Phil. She may not come home at all.
She hopes we understand, and that she still treasures our friendship, and maybe we'll both end up in Japan together one day.
Oh its so fair. Its her living life.
But I just want to fight it.
I want her to come back and realize she can be happy here too. Maybe she just forgot how much she fits here? How much she loves us? Oh if only she came back....then she'd surely remember...
I have Rick now! Just come back and Brit will have her Ian and she could have her Dylan again and I'll finally not be the fifth wheel. We can take pictures on that bridge together and go on picnics and you guys can photograph me and rick kissing with cookies in our hands and playing on the monkey bars.
I feel like such a baby. I'm not getting what I want and I'm throwing a fit.
I don't want Dylan to be with Christina
I don't want Ali to be far away anymore.
I don't want us to be apart
I know I'm happy. I know I love having David and Corwin close to me now
but in this moment, I just want to cry.
a lot.