The first five purchases Vala made on Earth.
Word Count: 1958
1)The Joy of Sex and The Kama Sutra, from Barnes & Noble.
The bookstore was one of the first places Daniel took her off base. He thought that it was a good place to start, since he could leave her in the Erotica aisle and go check out the latest fictions in the Archaeology section.
And it did start out smoothly…Vala grabbed a stack of reading material and plopped to the floor. She looked interested enough, and Daniel didn’t want to give the plain-clothed SF’s that were inconspicuously tailing them that much ammo about how much time he spent with the alien chick in the sex aisle. So, he went and found those two books and set them down beside her.
“Here,” he said. “Lots of pictures.”
Vala smiled, but was otherwise saucer-eyed and quiet, so Daniel walked off, pretty damn pleased with himself.
Things went downhill when they tried to leave about an hour later. Right as they were about to pass through the exit, one of the SF’s shot forward and grabbed Vala by the arms.
“Ow,” Vala protested, trying to pull away. “Hey!”
Daniel recognized the beginnings for a very loud conversation and it would have broken his heart to be banned from the Barnes & Noble. Quickly, he moved between Vala and the SF’s, closing his fingertips around each of her shoulders.
“Guys? What’s going on?” He tried to ignore the way Vala’s face lit up and she started squirming against him.
“She has merchandise under her shirt,” said one of the SFs, pointing at Vala’s chest.
“I do not!” Vala protested.
“Shhh,” Daniel pleaded.
“These are all me,” she said arching her back into Daniel’s torso.
“Vala,” Daniel said, keeping his voice down. “What do you have under your shirt?”
“Just me.” She tilted her head back to look at him and showed him lying, white teeth.
“Vala.”
“If you don’t believe me, you’re welcome to check.” And she was squirming again.
“Sir -“ the SF started.
“No,” Vala said. “Not you. I want Daniel to search me.”
People were starting to stare, and at this rate, Daniel was getting banned and Vala would never be allowed off base again. He considered making that threat for a second - but then he thought better of it. Threats didn’t really work on Vala.
“Look,” he said. “I will buy whatever it is that you want. You don’t have to steal it and you don’t have to cause a scene.”
And maybe he sounded desperate, because Vala abruptly lifted the hem of her sweater and the two heavy paperbacks tumbled to the floor. Quickly, Daniel scooped them up and made a beeline for the register. Hefting them on to the counter, he paused long enough to wonder how Vala had hid them.
That was how Vala came to own her very first possessions from Earth. Daniel didn’t get banned from the bookstore, but in the car ride home, Vala started naming positions from the Kama Sutra and asking which ones he and the SFs had tried.
2. Two pairs of jeans.
Sam took Vala shopping for civilian clothing at the local mall. She only had her original outfit, BDU’s, and whatever random items had been donated by the nurses and other women on base. They were well meaning, but few shared Vala’s body type, and none shared her taste.
Because, as Sam repeatedly told Vala, none of them were strippers, prostitutes, or otherwise employed as sex workers.
And Vala didn’t seem to understand, nor did she think it was fair that Sam had been given veto power over her wardrobe purchases.
“Who picks out Teal’c’s clothing?” Vala asked, giving a baleful eye to basically the entire women’s department of Macy’s.
“Daniel.” Sam said. And when Vala stared at her, she amended, “Until Teal’c learned human customs, Daniel. He does it himself now.”
“I understand human customs,” Vala retorted. “And these will not do.”
Sam crossed her arms. “General Landry said you need pants.”
“I have pants.”
“He said he wants you to have something that doesn’t compromise the security of the base or the integrity of the Air Force.”
Vala smiled. “I do understand human customs, then, don’t I?”
Sam ignored her.
They’d already fought to a stalemate over shirts, so Sam picked something less complicated.
“These are jeans,” she told Vala. “Pick a pair you can bend over in.”
Unsurprisingly, that directive didn’t go over well.
“Those jeans you wore when that guy came, General O’what’s-his-face…” Vala began.
“O’Neill. Jack.”
“Right. Could you bend over in those?”
And Sam hadn’t quite expected that question. She stared at the wall next to the denim puckering around Vala’s knees. “Yes,” she lied.
But in the end, she let Vala go home with two pairs, one of which didn’t fit the criteria.
4. A welcome mat for her quarters on base.
Daniel took her to a home décor store shortly after her presence at the SGC became permanent. She was resentful because, as with her clothing, they didn’t trust her to shop by herself.
Daniel denied this, partially.
“It’s not so much the shopping,” he said, “it’s the stealing.”
Her base quarters were pretty bleak: dully colored and furnished only with the standard twin-sized bed, chipboard dresser and bedside table, and alarm clock.
They gave her a small budget to personalize it - she told Daniel what she envisioned.
He gave her the tight, false smile he got when he was humoring her and made a muffled comment about brothels from something called “1000 Nights”.
She ignored Daniel, because he had terrible taste and she’d seen some lovely brothels, anyway. He got to carry all the sparkly lights she wanted to string across her walls, and every time he complained, she picked something shiny from the shelves and shoved it into his hands.
The only thing she carried by herself to the register was neither shiny nor sparkly. According to the tag, it was polyester and made in China. Daniel said that wasn’t actually exotic and asked if she wouldn’t prefer something with flashing neon lights.
She might have, but he’d already explained that it went on the floor and got stepped on, and that just wouldn’t make sense.
So, instead, Vala got the plain old gray mat, with big black block lettering that read “Home Sweet Home”. She put it on the floor inside the door, and every time she came home, she stepped right on it.
5.Something tiny and delicate from the Jewelry counter at Sears.
Having promised not to steal things and presently getting an agreeable flow of funds from the SGC, Vala did like to buy jewelry. She also liked to steal it, and she did that a lot, too.
One thing she bought - bought with her own money and did not stick into her cleavage before leaving without paying - she never told anyone from the SGC about.
She may have been in the middle of pouring a rack of bracelets into her purse, but that was beside the point. The saleswoman who came upon her didn’t notice, and so there wasn’t going to be another embarrassing situation where Daniel got called down to come get her and pay for it all.
Instead, the saleswoman smiled widely and said, “Happy Mother’s Day!”
Vala blinked at her, then quickly returned the smile and the phrase, although it was meaningless to her.
“Do you have any children?” the woman asked.
“Um…yes,” said Vala, pausing before deciding on the truth. “I do.”
Her hands started to fiddle with the strands of pearls she’d been about to take possession of.
“How many?” The saleswoman was very excited about this response, and Vala wondered if she’d finally stumbled upon the Children’s section of the department store. The products in the area actually named “Children” had been quite misleading.
“Just the one,” Vala said. “All I need, really. Quite the handful, she is. Don’t think we could handle another one.”
The woman laughed heartily. “I’m sure she’s an angel!”
Vala tilted her head. “You could say that, I guess.”
“Have you looked at our collection of Mother’s Day jewelry?” The woman asked, and suddenly a tray of gold chains was sitting on top of the glass counter before Vala.
“Will her father be in today?”
Vala’s eyes automatically shot wide. “Oh, I hope not,” she said. When the saleswoman’s face sank, Vala went on quickly. “We don’t like…him…very much. Nasty fellow. Makes us sick. Happy all by ourselves.”
“Oh my,” the saleswoman covered. “You can treat yourself. How old is your daughter?”
“One day she was a baby,” Vala answered honestly. “And then she was grown and trying to take over the world.”
“Of course she was.”
And for some reason, the woman seemed to think that Adria’s existence warranted that Vala purchase a piece of jewelry announcing her role in producing the newest threat against planet Earth.
But she couldn’t quite explain why she agreed with Pam the jewelry woman, so Vala never told anyone about the necklace she bought with the tiny pendant that read “Mom” in gold cursive.
It settled inconspicuously under her clothes, warm against her skin. But unlike everything else she wore where no one could see, she hadn’t stolen this piece.
Coming out of the locker room one day after a mission, the chain was peaking over her BDU’s. And Daniel, who had no reason to be looking at her at all, let alone that intently, immediately swooped down and plucked the chain so the whole length hung out over her collar.
She covered it with her hand, but not before Daniel saw the pendant and his face shifted from preparing to give her the “Stop stealing” speech to something still and hard to read.
“I didn’t steal it,” she said, hotly, stuffing it back under and out of sight.
She half expected him to ask to see the receipt. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets and backed off, looking awkward. “Sorry,” he said.
It’s easier to wear her stolen stuff, now, because Daniel won’t yank it out for inspection, which is nice. She thinks the gold-lettering is kind of boring, but she hasn’t gone back to the store to get anything with more sparkle.
1)The Joy of Sex and The Kama Sutra, from Barnes & Noble.
The bookstore was one of the first places Daniel took her off base. He thought that it was a good place to start, since he could leave her in the Erotica aisle and go check out the latest fictions in the Archaeology section.
And it did start out smoothly…Vala grabbed a stack of reading material and plopped to the floor. She looked interested enough, and Daniel didn’t want to give the plain-clothed SF’s that were inconspicuously tailing them that much ammo about how much time he spent with the alien chick in the sex aisle. So, he went and found those two books and set them down beside her.
“Here,” he said. “Lots of pictures.”
Vala smiled, but was otherwise saucer-eyed and quiet, so Daniel walked off, pretty damn pleased with himself.
Things went downhill when they tried to leave about an hour later. Right as they were about to pass through the exit, one of the SF’s shot forward and grabbed Vala by the arms.
“Ow,” Vala protested, trying to pull away. “Hey!”
Daniel recognized the beginnings for a very loud conversation and it would have broken his heart to be banned from the Barnes & Noble. Quickly, he moved between Vala and the SF’s, closing his fingertips around each of her shoulders.
“Guys? What’s going on?” He tried to ignore the way Vala’s face lit up and she started squirming against him.
“She has merchandise under her shirt,” said one of the SFs, pointing at Vala’s chest.
“I do not!” Vala protested.
“Shhh,” Daniel pleaded.
“These are all me,” she said arching her back into Daniel’s torso.
“Vala,” Daniel said, keeping his voice down. “What do you have under your shirt?”
“Just me.” She tilted her head back to look at him and showed him lying, white teeth.
“Vala.”
“If you don’t believe me, you’re welcome to check.” And she was squirming again.
“Sir -“ the SF started.
“No,” Vala said. “Not you. I want Daniel to search me.”
People were starting to stare, and at this rate, Daniel was getting banned and Vala would never be allowed off base again. He considered making that threat for a second - but then he thought better of it. Threats didn’t really work on Vala.
“Look,” he said. “I will buy whatever it is that you want. You don’t have to steal it and you don’t have to cause a scene.”
And maybe he sounded desperate, because Vala abruptly lifted the hem of her sweater and the two heavy paperbacks tumbled to the floor. Quickly, Daniel scooped them up and made a beeline for the register. Hefting them on to the counter, he paused long enough to wonder how Vala had hid them.
That was how Vala came to own her very first possessions from Earth. Daniel didn’t get banned from the bookstore, but in the car ride home, Vala started naming positions from the Kama Sutra and asking which ones he and the SFs had tried.
2. Two pairs of jeans.
Sam took Vala shopping for civilian clothing at the local mall. She only had her original outfit, BDU’s, and whatever random items had been donated by the nurses and other women on base. They were well meaning, but few shared Vala’s body type, and none shared her taste.
Because, as Sam repeatedly told Vala, none of them were strippers, prostitutes, or otherwise employed as sex workers.
And Vala didn’t seem to understand, nor did she think it was fair that Sam had been given veto power over her wardrobe purchases.
“Who picks out Teal’c’s clothing?” Vala asked, giving a baleful eye to basically the entire women’s department of Macy’s.
“Daniel.” Sam said. And when Vala stared at her, she amended, “Until Teal’c learned human customs, Daniel. He does it himself now.”
“I understand human customs,” Vala retorted. “And these will not do.”
Sam crossed her arms. “General Landry said you need pants.”
“I have pants.”
“He said he wants you to have something that doesn’t compromise the security of the base or the integrity of the Air Force.”
Vala smiled. “I do understand human customs, then, don’t I?”
Sam ignored her.
They’d already fought to a stalemate over shirts, so Sam picked something less complicated.
“These are jeans,” she told Vala. “Pick a pair you can bend over in.”
Unsurprisingly, that directive didn’t go over well.
“Those jeans you wore when that guy came, General O’what’s-his-face…” Vala began.
“O’Neill. Jack.”
“Right. Could you bend over in those?”
And Sam hadn’t quite expected that question. She stared at the wall next to the denim puckering around Vala’s knees. “Yes,” she lied.
But in the end, she let Vala go home with two pairs, one of which didn’t fit the criteria.
4. A welcome mat for her quarters on base.
Daniel took her to a home décor store shortly after her presence at the SGC became permanent. She was resentful because, as with her clothing, they didn’t trust her to shop by herself.
Daniel denied this, partially.
“It’s not so much the shopping,” he said, “it’s the stealing.”
Her base quarters were pretty bleak: dully colored and furnished only with the standard twin-sized bed, chipboard dresser and bedside table, and alarm clock.
They gave her a small budget to personalize it - she told Daniel what she envisioned.
He gave her the tight, false smile he got when he was humoring her and made a muffled comment about brothels from something called “1000 Nights”.
She ignored Daniel, because he had terrible taste and she’d seen some lovely brothels, anyway. He got to carry all the sparkly lights she wanted to string across her walls, and every time he complained, she picked something shiny from the shelves and shoved it into his hands.
The only thing she carried by herself to the register was neither shiny nor sparkly. According to the tag, it was polyester and made in China. Daniel said that wasn’t actually exotic and asked if she wouldn’t prefer something with flashing neon lights.
She might have, but he’d already explained that it went on the floor and got stepped on, and that just wouldn’t make sense.
So, instead, Vala got the plain old gray mat, with big black block lettering that read “Home Sweet Home”. She put it on the floor inside the door, and every time she came home, she stepped right on it.
5.Something tiny and delicate from the Jewelry counter at Sears.
Having promised not to steal things and presently getting an agreeable flow of funds from the SGC, Vala did like to buy jewelry. She also liked to steal it, and she did that a lot, too.
One thing she bought - bought with her own money and did not stick into her cleavage before leaving without paying - she never told anyone from the SGC about.
She may have been in the middle of pouring a rack of bracelets into her purse, but that was beside the point. The saleswoman who came upon her didn’t notice, and so there wasn’t going to be another embarrassing situation where Daniel got called down to come get her and pay for it all.
Instead, the saleswoman smiled widely and said, “Happy Mother’s Day!”
Vala blinked at her, then quickly returned the smile and the phrase, although it was meaningless to her.
“Do you have any children?” the woman asked.
“Um…yes,” said Vala, pausing before deciding on the truth. “I do.”
Her hands started to fiddle with the strands of pearls she’d been about to take possession of.
“How many?” The saleswoman was very excited about this response, and Vala wondered if she’d finally stumbled upon the Children’s section of the department store. The products in the area actually named “Children” had been quite misleading.
“Just the one,” Vala said. “All I need, really. Quite the handful, she is. Don’t think we could handle another one.”
The woman laughed heartily. “I’m sure she’s an angel!”
Vala tilted her head. “You could say that, I guess.”
“Have you looked at our collection of Mother’s Day jewelry?” The woman asked, and suddenly a tray of gold chains was sitting on top of the glass counter before Vala.
“Will her father be in today?”
Vala’s eyes automatically shot wide. “Oh, I hope not,” she said. When the saleswoman’s face sank, Vala went on quickly. “We don’t like…him…very much. Nasty fellow. Makes us sick. Happy all by ourselves.”
“Oh my,” the saleswoman covered. “You can treat yourself. How old is your daughter?”
“One day she was a baby,” Vala answered honestly. “And then she was grown and trying to take over the world.”
“Of course she was.”
And for some reason, the woman seemed to think that Adria’s existence warranted that Vala purchase a piece of jewelry announcing her role in producing the newest threat against planet Earth.
But she couldn’t quite explain why she agreed with Pam the jewelry woman, so Vala never told anyone about the necklace she bought with the tiny pendant that read “Mom” in gold cursive.
It settled inconspicuously under her clothes, warm against her skin. But unlike everything else she wore where no one could see, she hadn’t stolen this piece.
Coming out of the locker room one day after a mission, the chain was peaking over her BDU’s. And Daniel, who had no reason to be looking at her at all, let alone that intently, immediately swooped down and plucked the chain so the whole length hung out over her collar.
She covered it with her hand, but not before Daniel saw the pendant and his face shifted from preparing to give her the “Stop stealing” speech to something still and hard to read.
“I didn’t steal it,” she said, hotly, stuffing it back under and out of sight.
She half expected him to ask to see the receipt. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets and backed off, looking awkward. “Sorry,” he said.
It’s easier to wear her stolen stuff, now, because Daniel won’t yank it out for inspection, which is nice. She thinks the gold-lettering is kind of boring, but she hasn’t gone back to the store to get anything with more sparkle.