In Total Darkness
Rating: R
Pairing: Jackson Lake/Ten
Summary: There is only touch in the darkness.
Note: Another one for the anon kink meme at sizeofthatthing . The request was only for the pairing, no specific kink given.
Yes, I do have more urgent things to do. But somethimes I need something else in between to keep myself from going mad.
Fingers on skin, breath on lips and then lips on lips and no breath for endless seconds. Fingertips trail down his back, lightly, so the random touch of nails doesn’t hurt. Nothing hurts tonight, and he is quite certain that this is wrong.
But it’s Christmas, and perhaps someone gifted him a night without pain before reality moves in with him, into these unfamiliar rooms, and he will remember that he does not quite deserve this peace, this pleasure - he, who failed to protect his wife. Who failed to protect his son. Who became someone else for his failure; someone better, but that man has not been him in the end, and it would not be appropriate, Jackson finds, to think his actions in that time redeemed him in any way. The praise should belong to the Doctor, but then the Doctor is too broken himself to believe that anything he did, anything done in his name would ever redeem him.
But still he is here, trying to keep the world away from Jackson until morning. The man now running his hands down a long, thin, shivering body remembers enough about being the Doctor to know that they are here only for his own sake. He has not been strong enough to refuse the offer, and it is a relief to know that the Time Lord never expected him to.
He also remembers the Doctor being able to enter a human’s mind with a touch of his hand, and he wonders, but doesn’t care, if the same process is happening now, for how else could he know so well, so blindly what to do if he has never done this before, with a man?
The Doctor arches as Jackson takes him, so small and slight compared to his larger form but so much harder than she had been. Jackson will not think of her now. He cannot bear it. He wonders instead if the little whimper he hears is an expression of pleasure or of pain, if he would somehow be able to tell if he caused the Doctor any discomfort. In the darkness he can only fumble.
Slender hands touch his cheeks and lips are pressed against his in a gentle kiss, as if to answer his question.
Jackson longs to light a candle, see the face of this man he fears he will not see ever again come morning. It is the vague feeling that the light would destroy the moment by making it real that keeps him from doing so. So it is in total darkness that he loves the Doctor, and it is in total darkness that he rolls onto his back, the other man on top of him, safe in his arms.
It is in the very first light of dawn that he closes his eyes and wishes for sleep to come quickly, so he won’t be awake to see the Doctor leave.
January 15, 2009
Pairing: Jackson Lake/Ten
Summary: There is only touch in the darkness.
Note: Another one for the anon kink meme at sizeofthatthing . The request was only for the pairing, no specific kink given.
Yes, I do have more urgent things to do. But somethimes I need something else in between to keep myself from going mad.
Fingers on skin, breath on lips and then lips on lips and no breath for endless seconds. Fingertips trail down his back, lightly, so the random touch of nails doesn’t hurt. Nothing hurts tonight, and he is quite certain that this is wrong.
But it’s Christmas, and perhaps someone gifted him a night without pain before reality moves in with him, into these unfamiliar rooms, and he will remember that he does not quite deserve this peace, this pleasure - he, who failed to protect his wife. Who failed to protect his son. Who became someone else for his failure; someone better, but that man has not been him in the end, and it would not be appropriate, Jackson finds, to think his actions in that time redeemed him in any way. The praise should belong to the Doctor, but then the Doctor is too broken himself to believe that anything he did, anything done in his name would ever redeem him.
But still he is here, trying to keep the world away from Jackson until morning. The man now running his hands down a long, thin, shivering body remembers enough about being the Doctor to know that they are here only for his own sake. He has not been strong enough to refuse the offer, and it is a relief to know that the Time Lord never expected him to.
He also remembers the Doctor being able to enter a human’s mind with a touch of his hand, and he wonders, but doesn’t care, if the same process is happening now, for how else could he know so well, so blindly what to do if he has never done this before, with a man?
The Doctor arches as Jackson takes him, so small and slight compared to his larger form but so much harder than she had been. Jackson will not think of her now. He cannot bear it. He wonders instead if the little whimper he hears is an expression of pleasure or of pain, if he would somehow be able to tell if he caused the Doctor any discomfort. In the darkness he can only fumble.
Slender hands touch his cheeks and lips are pressed against his in a gentle kiss, as if to answer his question.
Jackson longs to light a candle, see the face of this man he fears he will not see ever again come morning. It is the vague feeling that the light would destroy the moment by making it real that keeps him from doing so. So it is in total darkness that he loves the Doctor, and it is in total darkness that he rolls onto his back, the other man on top of him, safe in his arms.
It is in the very first light of dawn that he closes his eyes and wishes for sleep to come quickly, so he won’t be awake to see the Doctor leave.
January 15, 2009