SPN Big Bang Fic: Hitori Kakurenbo - Epilogue and Notes
See masterpost for rating, summary and further information.
EPILOGUE
Dean doesn’t kiss Sam when it’s over. There are a few opportunities where a kiss would have been appropriate, but the time/place thing gets in the way every time. When Sam got out of the hole would have been a fantastic moment, but at that point, his little brother was shaking and bleeding and they frankly had more urgent concerns. Then, after the doll and the spirit/creature/thing were gone and it was all over, and the sky was beginning to show the first signs of beginning dawn, Dean should have swept his brother off the ground in a grand gesture of relief and kissed the living daylights out of him. Unfortunately, seeing something that looked like Sam burn in a hole in the ground was a surprisingly effective killer for his libido and his sense of romance.
It just continues after that. They get back to the motel, where an exploded kitchen is still waiting for them, and decide to pack up and leave right after Dean properly took care of Sam’s cuts and Sam checked Dean’s head and torso. A phone call to Bobby is made to let him know they are still alive, then they hit the road and drive towards the rising sun. Dean could have leaned over and placed a kiss on Sam’s lips then, but by the time he gets that idea, Sam is slumped against the window and lost in la-la land. So much for that.
They stop at a diner around noon. Sam eats, drinks and uses the bathroom, which in itself kind of makes Dean want to kiss him, since it limits the risk of Sam dying of exploded kidneys at an inconvenient moment. But there are a lot of people around, and that Dean has accepted the fact that he’d like to do things to another guy who happens to be his brother (or rather, his brother who happens to be another guy) doesn’t mean he’s quite ready to do it in public.
Also, Sam might have hacked off his balls with the fork. He’s crafty like that.
At sunset they turn in at another motel. This one is a little better than the ones they usually prefer, but they did good work, Dean is in high spirits and they must have saved hundreds of dollars through Sam’s eating habits anyway.
Dean decides to work on that next. Can’t have his brother starve on him. And he has no illusions that Sam will miraculously be all okay now, gain fifty pounds in two weeks and stop having nightmares. Things are still looking good, though, and they’ll continue getting better.
Their room is a good start. It’s clean, nice looking, and has one king instead of two queens. Dean might have accidentally done that on purpose. He spontaneously decides that they deserve a vacation and can stay two nights. Or three. The TV looks awesome, too.
Sam sits on the edge of the bed that seems to be horribly comfortable and looks at Dean with a mix of uncertainty and expectation that makes Dean’s body move without asking him first. With two long strides he’s standing in front of Sam and taking his face in his hands, and then he’s kissing him.
It’s not the wild, passionate kiss he expected. It starts almost chaste until Sam returns it and his hands come to rest on Dean’s hips. Dean trails his tongue along Sam’s lips then, before sliding between them, and Sam pulls him closer, and then he falls backwards onto the bed, pulling Dean on top of him.
After that, when hands find their way under clothes and trail over new and old injuries, bruises on one man and protruding ribs on the other, when Sam leans into his touch and arches beneath him and makes those quiet, helpless gasps, Dean can’t help but wonder how long it’s been for his brother.
Hell, it has been long enough for Dean. And he doesn’t see a reason to hold back anymore.
Pushing Sam down, his hand finds the fly of Sam’s pants and guide Sam’s searching hands to his own. Dean is as careful as he has to be with all the pains and aches Sam must still be suffering from, and as passionate as he wants to be while being exactly where he should be. And it’s perfect, until he realises that Sam’s hands on his shoulders aren’t caressing but pushing, and Sam isn’t just gasping his name but saying “Dean, Dean, wait,” as he looks at him through wide, wide eyes full of confusion and fear.
Dean wants to ask what’s wrong, but he can’t bring himself to speak. Worry, confusion, and dread render him silent.
“Dean, did…” Sam stops, looks at Dean with something akin to panic. “Did we do this before? Did we… We did, didn’t we?”
“What? No!” Dean leans back, then reaches out to cradle Sam’s face between his hands. “Of course not. What makes you say that?” What kind of question was that?
With any other person, Dean would have thought they were pulling his leg, would have gotten mad at them for killing the mood. But Sam’s eyes fill with tears and Dean can only speculate on what prompted this question. What kind of nightmares that fucking spirit must have filled his brother’s restless nights with.
Dean pulls Sam up and holds him close, suddenly only the big brother again. Sam’s breathing speeds up as realisation is catching up with him while he tries to separate fact from illusion and reality slips away from him. “Shh,” Dean whispers, stroking his hair. “It’s okay, Sammy. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you, it’s over...”
*-*-*-*
The hand in his hair never stills. Sam feels like they’ve been sitting here forever, like his body has gone numb along with his mind, but Dean is still stroking his hair, and his heart is still beating strongly and evenly in his chest. Sam can hear it. This is real. (Isn’t it?)
“You’re going to be fine,” Dean whispers over and over again. He brushes the hair out of Sam’s face (always there, always, always there for him) and presses a kiss to his forehead. “You’re going to be fine. You’ll see. This is just the aftershock. You’re going to be fine.”
A magic formula to defeat the darkness. It will come true if repeated often enough. Dean believes it and that will be enough. They can’t all be wrong, Sam thinks as he slowly allows himself to relax into his brother’s arms. The other Dean, the one who is just a shadow in the doorway, nods slowly as if to agree.
-* End *-
May 1, 2011
AUTHOR'S NOTES
First of all, I want to thank my beta nightrider101 who is not only very good at pointing out my mistakes but has also been incredibly supportive from the moment the idea for this story was born.
Any mistake or weird wording still to be found is entirely my own fault. I made some changes after she send back the corrected version and in some cases even choose to ignore her advice for unfathomable reasons.
I also have to mention zenamydog, my partner in crime. She created the awesome video trailer for this story and has been a pleasure to work with. This was my first big bang and both her and my beta did their part to make it a very fun experience for me!
The Hitori Kakurenbo ritual exists. I am by no means an expert on it and I have never tried it myself. All I know about it comes from various online blogs and I used what information I have on it somewhat loosely.
If you want to know more about it, google “one man hide-and-seek” or go here for the article that first made me think “This would be a cool idea for a story!”
EPILOGUE
Dean doesn’t kiss Sam when it’s over. There are a few opportunities where a kiss would have been appropriate, but the time/place thing gets in the way every time. When Sam got out of the hole would have been a fantastic moment, but at that point, his little brother was shaking and bleeding and they frankly had more urgent concerns. Then, after the doll and the spirit/creature/thing were gone and it was all over, and the sky was beginning to show the first signs of beginning dawn, Dean should have swept his brother off the ground in a grand gesture of relief and kissed the living daylights out of him. Unfortunately, seeing something that looked like Sam burn in a hole in the ground was a surprisingly effective killer for his libido and his sense of romance.
It just continues after that. They get back to the motel, where an exploded kitchen is still waiting for them, and decide to pack up and leave right after Dean properly took care of Sam’s cuts and Sam checked Dean’s head and torso. A phone call to Bobby is made to let him know they are still alive, then they hit the road and drive towards the rising sun. Dean could have leaned over and placed a kiss on Sam’s lips then, but by the time he gets that idea, Sam is slumped against the window and lost in la-la land. So much for that.
They stop at a diner around noon. Sam eats, drinks and uses the bathroom, which in itself kind of makes Dean want to kiss him, since it limits the risk of Sam dying of exploded kidneys at an inconvenient moment. But there are a lot of people around, and that Dean has accepted the fact that he’d like to do things to another guy who happens to be his brother (or rather, his brother who happens to be another guy) doesn’t mean he’s quite ready to do it in public.
Also, Sam might have hacked off his balls with the fork. He’s crafty like that.
At sunset they turn in at another motel. This one is a little better than the ones they usually prefer, but they did good work, Dean is in high spirits and they must have saved hundreds of dollars through Sam’s eating habits anyway.
Dean decides to work on that next. Can’t have his brother starve on him. And he has no illusions that Sam will miraculously be all okay now, gain fifty pounds in two weeks and stop having nightmares. Things are still looking good, though, and they’ll continue getting better.
Their room is a good start. It’s clean, nice looking, and has one king instead of two queens. Dean might have accidentally done that on purpose. He spontaneously decides that they deserve a vacation and can stay two nights. Or three. The TV looks awesome, too.
Sam sits on the edge of the bed that seems to be horribly comfortable and looks at Dean with a mix of uncertainty and expectation that makes Dean’s body move without asking him first. With two long strides he’s standing in front of Sam and taking his face in his hands, and then he’s kissing him.
It’s not the wild, passionate kiss he expected. It starts almost chaste until Sam returns it and his hands come to rest on Dean’s hips. Dean trails his tongue along Sam’s lips then, before sliding between them, and Sam pulls him closer, and then he falls backwards onto the bed, pulling Dean on top of him.
After that, when hands find their way under clothes and trail over new and old injuries, bruises on one man and protruding ribs on the other, when Sam leans into his touch and arches beneath him and makes those quiet, helpless gasps, Dean can’t help but wonder how long it’s been for his brother.
Hell, it has been long enough for Dean. And he doesn’t see a reason to hold back anymore.
Pushing Sam down, his hand finds the fly of Sam’s pants and guide Sam’s searching hands to his own. Dean is as careful as he has to be with all the pains and aches Sam must still be suffering from, and as passionate as he wants to be while being exactly where he should be. And it’s perfect, until he realises that Sam’s hands on his shoulders aren’t caressing but pushing, and Sam isn’t just gasping his name but saying “Dean, Dean, wait,” as he looks at him through wide, wide eyes full of confusion and fear.
Dean wants to ask what’s wrong, but he can’t bring himself to speak. Worry, confusion, and dread render him silent.
“Dean, did…” Sam stops, looks at Dean with something akin to panic. “Did we do this before? Did we… We did, didn’t we?”
“What? No!” Dean leans back, then reaches out to cradle Sam’s face between his hands. “Of course not. What makes you say that?” What kind of question was that?
With any other person, Dean would have thought they were pulling his leg, would have gotten mad at them for killing the mood. But Sam’s eyes fill with tears and Dean can only speculate on what prompted this question. What kind of nightmares that fucking spirit must have filled his brother’s restless nights with.
Dean pulls Sam up and holds him close, suddenly only the big brother again. Sam’s breathing speeds up as realisation is catching up with him while he tries to separate fact from illusion and reality slips away from him. “Shh,” Dean whispers, stroking his hair. “It’s okay, Sammy. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you, it’s over...”
*-*-*-*
The hand in his hair never stills. Sam feels like they’ve been sitting here forever, like his body has gone numb along with his mind, but Dean is still stroking his hair, and his heart is still beating strongly and evenly in his chest. Sam can hear it. This is real. (Isn’t it?)
“You’re going to be fine,” Dean whispers over and over again. He brushes the hair out of Sam’s face (always there, always, always there for him) and presses a kiss to his forehead. “You’re going to be fine. You’ll see. This is just the aftershock. You’re going to be fine.”
A magic formula to defeat the darkness. It will come true if repeated often enough. Dean believes it and that will be enough. They can’t all be wrong, Sam thinks as he slowly allows himself to relax into his brother’s arms. The other Dean, the one who is just a shadow in the doorway, nods slowly as if to agree.
-* End *-
May 1, 2011
AUTHOR'S NOTES
First of all, I want to thank my beta nightrider101 who is not only very good at pointing out my mistakes but has also been incredibly supportive from the moment the idea for this story was born.
Any mistake or weird wording still to be found is entirely my own fault. I made some changes after she send back the corrected version and in some cases even choose to ignore her advice for unfathomable reasons.
I also have to mention zenamydog, my partner in crime. She created the awesome video trailer for this story and has been a pleasure to work with. This was my first big bang and both her and my beta did their part to make it a very fun experience for me!
The Hitori Kakurenbo ritual exists. I am by no means an expert on it and I have never tried it myself. All I know about it comes from various online blogs and I used what information I have on it somewhat loosely.
If you want to know more about it, google “one man hide-and-seek” or go here for the article that first made me think “This would be a cool idea for a story!”