Worth Updating...
My journal is mostly forgotten. The reason why is because I do not have much to write about. Work, Sleep, nothing interesting going on in my life. With the exceptions of a booming time of partying, most about times lately is not worth the mention, except the other night.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Much like previous nights of parties, a bunch of friends came to my apt to chill, drink up, etc...just like many of the other nights, i had to work both my jobs beforehand and was tired afterward. Long days, but long days are worth fun nights.
This party was different for a particular reason. I had a particular substance I was under the influence of. For personal reasons, i do not want to speculate what particular agent it was. But I will say it has not been the first time.
We did not take the subjected instance until 3am, when everyone had left with the exception of myself, Wink, and a friend of his. As before, it was strong and its effects lasted a long time.
But this particular time, something happened in my head. I actually went crazy, if you can label it as such. The strange thing is I could completely understand everything that was going on around me, but could not communicate with anyone. I could barely speak, and I could not write. When someone would ask me a question, I would understand, but before I could answer, my mind would shift to a different thought...My friends did not know what to do, speculated taking me to the emergency room.
Another strange thing is when I would look into the mirror, my facial expression did not/could not change. It was this same crazed look on my face, and the emotion overcame me. My friends thought as if it was possibly permanent when it got to the 3 hour of this. My breathing became uncontrollably fast, and they also thought it could have been lung/heart, which had a combo effect which sent me into the hospital a few years ago for some time.
It's hard to not think about certain people who are labeled "crazy" by the rest of us. I am now fully convinced, while they are in a state of mind deemed to be unacceptable to the rest of us, they understand as complete as they did when they were sober, if you wish to call it that.
I also believe that a particular substance, while with the negative effects promoted by anti-campaigns, forgets about one possible advantage...possible expansion into different parts of the brain. I will use one particular example for this theory.
A Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh: Everyone knows this painting. But I did not fully understand it or what he was so intrigued by until I was in this state. And granted, again this is not the first time I have seen this, but only while in this state. This particular painting has an effect in which, while "under the influence", you see things a little differently. Now I have to go into detail regarding this. I am going to describe how this picture looks if in the stat of mind I was in. If you look closely into the picture, the center of the two big swirls in the center has a dab of orange in the middle. That piece of the picture comes at you in 3-d form, then the small wind appears to move as if the entire picture is moving. Now, this is something that you may be able to say, ok, your eyes are fucked up, and that is the illusion of the picture....But the next part is the unexplainable. While the color patterns of yellow/blue/black with little strips of orange become green, you can understand that. But the picture changes colors while moving, from blue to green to yellow to orange to (huh?) red to purple. Now, any research ive done cannot explain this color change. These colors simply do not mix, any way you put them out there...How is this possible?
Maybe, as Van Gogh may have been under similar substances, it appeared this way to him while painting. But as much research as ive done, on line/in books, I cannot find a single account of what I have seen. Everyone agrees it is an amazing painting, but i cannot find any recollection of anyone else seeing what I have. I have tried to see this movement while sober, but is not possible.
My guess, is that possibly, while my brain was using something normally not used, other parts of my brain were not being addressed properly, and that makes perfect sense. For instance, communication skills could be temporarily unused so I could access greater definition into colors. Perhaps this is the way things are seen by owls, who's vision is much sharper...
It almost makes me want to enter a career field into studying these individuals, understanding what is for people who are stuck in this state, as I myself was for a 3 hour period. It makes you bring into account how poorly some of these people are thought of, while quite possibly, they have a part of the next step of evolution.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Much like previous nights of parties, a bunch of friends came to my apt to chill, drink up, etc...just like many of the other nights, i had to work both my jobs beforehand and was tired afterward. Long days, but long days are worth fun nights.
This party was different for a particular reason. I had a particular substance I was under the influence of. For personal reasons, i do not want to speculate what particular agent it was. But I will say it has not been the first time.
We did not take the subjected instance until 3am, when everyone had left with the exception of myself, Wink, and a friend of his. As before, it was strong and its effects lasted a long time.
But this particular time, something happened in my head. I actually went crazy, if you can label it as such. The strange thing is I could completely understand everything that was going on around me, but could not communicate with anyone. I could barely speak, and I could not write. When someone would ask me a question, I would understand, but before I could answer, my mind would shift to a different thought...My friends did not know what to do, speculated taking me to the emergency room.
Another strange thing is when I would look into the mirror, my facial expression did not/could not change. It was this same crazed look on my face, and the emotion overcame me. My friends thought as if it was possibly permanent when it got to the 3 hour of this. My breathing became uncontrollably fast, and they also thought it could have been lung/heart, which had a combo effect which sent me into the hospital a few years ago for some time.
It's hard to not think about certain people who are labeled "crazy" by the rest of us. I am now fully convinced, while they are in a state of mind deemed to be unacceptable to the rest of us, they understand as complete as they did when they were sober, if you wish to call it that.
I also believe that a particular substance, while with the negative effects promoted by anti-campaigns, forgets about one possible advantage...possible expansion into different parts of the brain. I will use one particular example for this theory.
A Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh: Everyone knows this painting. But I did not fully understand it or what he was so intrigued by until I was in this state. And granted, again this is not the first time I have seen this, but only while in this state. This particular painting has an effect in which, while "under the influence", you see things a little differently. Now I have to go into detail regarding this. I am going to describe how this picture looks if in the stat of mind I was in. If you look closely into the picture, the center of the two big swirls in the center has a dab of orange in the middle. That piece of the picture comes at you in 3-d form, then the small wind appears to move as if the entire picture is moving. Now, this is something that you may be able to say, ok, your eyes are fucked up, and that is the illusion of the picture....But the next part is the unexplainable. While the color patterns of yellow/blue/black with little strips of orange become green, you can understand that. But the picture changes colors while moving, from blue to green to yellow to orange to (huh?) red to purple. Now, any research ive done cannot explain this color change. These colors simply do not mix, any way you put them out there...How is this possible?
Maybe, as Van Gogh may have been under similar substances, it appeared this way to him while painting. But as much research as ive done, on line/in books, I cannot find a single account of what I have seen. Everyone agrees it is an amazing painting, but i cannot find any recollection of anyone else seeing what I have. I have tried to see this movement while sober, but is not possible.
My guess, is that possibly, while my brain was using something normally not used, other parts of my brain were not being addressed properly, and that makes perfect sense. For instance, communication skills could be temporarily unused so I could access greater definition into colors. Perhaps this is the way things are seen by owls, who's vision is much sharper...
It almost makes me want to enter a career field into studying these individuals, understanding what is for people who are stuck in this state, as I myself was for a 3 hour period. It makes you bring into account how poorly some of these people are thought of, while quite possibly, they have a part of the next step of evolution.