I've been commenting a lot lately.
Yeah, kind of felt like a creeper, so I thought I'd just post something.
So, my goal is to love everybody, which I'm pretty sure ya'll know by now. Well I'm naturally kind of a cynical, selfish, impatient and needy person inherently (not saying this to be self deprecating, I think even many wonderful people have some of these qualities), so agape is kind of something far far off for one such as myself. In order to allow myself to even attempt this I've had to change my mindset and personality quite a bit, and it's been hard to describe these in a cohesive orderly fashion, but I was finally able to come up with a visual for it. Think of something like, a river being blocked off by several gates leading to the ocean, and each of these gates need be open ton get to where I want to be with myself. I haven't fleshed this out entirely, but they're something like.
- Micro perspective, focus on small nuances of personalities, and try to find beauty in every person
- Accept that not everyone has perspectives, pains over trivial things for one with a smaller perspective may be as great as pain over life altering events for someone with a larger perspective.
- Suppression of "Self", ignore own emotions when it is pragmatic to do so.
- Acceptance of any possible "bad endings" that may occur. Being alone, or forgotten, or "betrayed", or never appreciated for example.
- Disregard any metaphysical self preservation, maintain constant exposure to remain constantly available.
- Express love frequently and earnestly.
The first one is pretty easy, but the rest give me trouble, especially that last one, expression is always hard to do, often even with people you are close to.
So, my goal is to love everybody, which I'm pretty sure ya'll know by now. Well I'm naturally kind of a cynical, selfish, impatient and needy person inherently (not saying this to be self deprecating, I think even many wonderful people have some of these qualities), so agape is kind of something far far off for one such as myself. In order to allow myself to even attempt this I've had to change my mindset and personality quite a bit, and it's been hard to describe these in a cohesive orderly fashion, but I was finally able to come up with a visual for it. Think of something like, a river being blocked off by several gates leading to the ocean, and each of these gates need be open ton get to where I want to be with myself. I haven't fleshed this out entirely, but they're something like.
- Micro perspective, focus on small nuances of personalities, and try to find beauty in every person
- Accept that not everyone has perspectives, pains over trivial things for one with a smaller perspective may be as great as pain over life altering events for someone with a larger perspective.
- Suppression of "Self", ignore own emotions when it is pragmatic to do so.
- Acceptance of any possible "bad endings" that may occur. Being alone, or forgotten, or "betrayed", or never appreciated for example.
- Disregard any metaphysical self preservation, maintain constant exposure to remain constantly available.
- Express love frequently and earnestly.
The first one is pretty easy, but the rest give me trouble, especially that last one, expression is always hard to do, often even with people you are close to.