bravery
“If you love somebody
You better let it out
Don’t hold it back
While you’re trying to figure it out
Don’t be timid
Don’t be afraid to hurt
Run toward the flame
Run toward the fire
Hold on for all your worth
Cause the only real pain a heart can ever know
Is the sorrow of regret
When you don’t let your feelings show ”
At least out of this situation I can say I was able to give my all. I hadn’t been able to for years out of fear. For some reason it felt safe. While many times my instincts were to run and leave it behind even before things got bad… I stayed. I felt like this was just easy. There wasn’t any effort needed. I liked him he liked me. He wanted to see me I wanted to see him.
I didn’t care about his baggage. I overlooked that he wasn’t divorced yet. I overlooked that he did have a child with someone else and just embraced it all. I knew it was sort of fast to be spending nearly every night at his place… but I didn’t care. I took his lead and trusted.
I trusted and then I loved. I loved fully. I loved without asking for love back as I knew he was damaged and would take a long time to get there. I accepted that. I knew I deserved more but I accepted it.
The way it ended wasn’t necessary. I gift wrapped exits for him so I could possibly get out without being hurt too deeply. Making it more my choice. I begged to hear that he didn’t care for me… instead I got that he didn’t want his current issues in his head to ruin us long term. Just didn’t want to let me go.
Even after bring dragged through the dirt, I still believed when he looked me in the eyes and said I could trust him. I believed him when he said he was going to get his shit together and come back to me. I never thought I would be essentially told “have a good life” in a text message days later. Then to find out he’s already moving on with some girl just days after his promises.
I’ve been struggling with my feelings on this for a few days. Should I have ran? Do I regret meeting him? I guess part of me is happy I got to feel what I felt for someone the way I did him… and the other part is so angry that I was lied to for months just so he had someone around. I feel embarrassed that I got to meet his parents, friends, sister, and all our friends saw the relationship and then it was broadcasted all over the internet by his new girl that he had traded me in within days. How do you recover from that? How do you trust someone again after they deliberately lied to you to hurt you? When all you ever did was love and care for not only them but their kid.
I guess just dust myself off, harden my shell a bit more… but do it all over again one day. Because at least I can come out of this with the satisfaction that I am not a completely broken person that can’t let anyone in their heart because there is just no room.
I said it. I meant it. I lived it. And that makes me far braver than he will ever be.
You better let it out
Don’t hold it back
While you’re trying to figure it out
Don’t be timid
Don’t be afraid to hurt
Run toward the flame
Run toward the fire
Hold on for all your worth
Cause the only real pain a heart can ever know
Is the sorrow of regret
When you don’t let your feelings show ”
At least out of this situation I can say I was able to give my all. I hadn’t been able to for years out of fear. For some reason it felt safe. While many times my instincts were to run and leave it behind even before things got bad… I stayed. I felt like this was just easy. There wasn’t any effort needed. I liked him he liked me. He wanted to see me I wanted to see him.
I didn’t care about his baggage. I overlooked that he wasn’t divorced yet. I overlooked that he did have a child with someone else and just embraced it all. I knew it was sort of fast to be spending nearly every night at his place… but I didn’t care. I took his lead and trusted.
I trusted and then I loved. I loved fully. I loved without asking for love back as I knew he was damaged and would take a long time to get there. I accepted that. I knew I deserved more but I accepted it.
The way it ended wasn’t necessary. I gift wrapped exits for him so I could possibly get out without being hurt too deeply. Making it more my choice. I begged to hear that he didn’t care for me… instead I got that he didn’t want his current issues in his head to ruin us long term. Just didn’t want to let me go.
Even after bring dragged through the dirt, I still believed when he looked me in the eyes and said I could trust him. I believed him when he said he was going to get his shit together and come back to me. I never thought I would be essentially told “have a good life” in a text message days later. Then to find out he’s already moving on with some girl just days after his promises.
I’ve been struggling with my feelings on this for a few days. Should I have ran? Do I regret meeting him? I guess part of me is happy I got to feel what I felt for someone the way I did him… and the other part is so angry that I was lied to for months just so he had someone around. I feel embarrassed that I got to meet his parents, friends, sister, and all our friends saw the relationship and then it was broadcasted all over the internet by his new girl that he had traded me in within days. How do you recover from that? How do you trust someone again after they deliberately lied to you to hurt you? When all you ever did was love and care for not only them but their kid.
I guess just dust myself off, harden my shell a bit more… but do it all over again one day. Because at least I can come out of this with the satisfaction that I am not a completely broken person that can’t let anyone in their heart because there is just no room.
I said it. I meant it. I lived it. And that makes me far braver than he will ever be.