(no subject)
lj, i am feeling very tired.
i cut off my beard and took out my lip rings.
i haven't sat and explained it to anyone, online, via text or in person. because it makes me feel sick.
everytime i think about or look at photos from not very long ago
i feel like bawling.
i guess i haven't explained it to anyone because i feel embarrassed. embarrassed that i had actually believed i wouldn't have to compromise in this way? embarrassed because i gave in to wackass societal pressures? embarrassed because i know i will start bawling if ever i try to explain it (kinda like i am now)? embarrassed because it took me this long to get rid of my pride? embarrassed because i don't know how to explain that this isn't just pride? embarrassed because i'm oversensitive and way too attached and too weak to handle life in general?
i don't know. probably all of the above.
i just feel sick. and so fucking tired.
short angst-filled entry is short and angst-filled.
i cut off my beard and took out my lip rings.
i haven't sat and explained it to anyone, online, via text or in person. because it makes me feel sick.
everytime i think about or look at photos from not very long ago
i feel like bawling.
i guess i haven't explained it to anyone because i feel embarrassed. embarrassed that i had actually believed i wouldn't have to compromise in this way? embarrassed because i gave in to wackass societal pressures? embarrassed because i know i will start bawling if ever i try to explain it (kinda like i am now)? embarrassed because it took me this long to get rid of my pride? embarrassed because i don't know how to explain that this isn't just pride? embarrassed because i'm oversensitive and way too attached and too weak to handle life in general?
i don't know. probably all of the above.
i just feel sick. and so fucking tired.
short angst-filled entry is short and angst-filled.