ese hombre es mentiroso
hey friends. sarah and i moved in sunday and are still without internet. it's driving us both crazy, but we're surviving thus far.
money and school problems are weighing me down pretty badly right now. feeling like a breakdown is on its way. i suppose it's right on time, being that finals for summer school are next week. i am nothing if not composed of patterned behavior.
it's been so long that i have literally forgotten how to write here.
i am constantly finding myself unable to just keep up, you know? i'm constantly a step behind. and in 3 weeks i'll be taking more classes than i ever have at once. i'm freaking out. i don't know how i'm supposed to manage. i don't know if i'm going to be able to do this. fees have reached new heights and show no signs of slowing down, and i can't fucking afford to stay any longer than december. i'm already going to be paying back loans for the rest of my sorry life and i just don't know if i can handle all of this shit.
the tap water in my apartment isn't very clean. it doesn't taste good and my nipple is getting infected from being soaked in that water.
my bed arrives this evening between the hours of 5pm and 9pm, which is great! except for how i don't have internet and can't do my online spanish homework, which is due at midnight tonight. not to mention i still haven't the slightest clue what performance i will do for my other class. so much hatred for like, everything.
chloe is prob not coming back. she said that she would come back for pride and she wasn't able to. she said she would move back as soon as she was able, and now she is not. i support her and i know she has to do what she has to do, but i don't know how to shut up the part of me that is angry and feeling abandoned and hopeless. it just makes me so fucking angry because i went a really fucki9ng long time here in the bay area without being dependent on anyone, and suddenly someone i think i can count on appears and seduces me into this stupid sense of security, only to wander off again. i know that's now what she actually did. and i know she's not happy to be away from me either, but i just feel so fucking sad and irritated and tired.
take care of yourselves, friends. <3
money and school problems are weighing me down pretty badly right now. feeling like a breakdown is on its way. i suppose it's right on time, being that finals for summer school are next week. i am nothing if not composed of patterned behavior.
it's been so long that i have literally forgotten how to write here.
i am constantly finding myself unable to just keep up, you know? i'm constantly a step behind. and in 3 weeks i'll be taking more classes than i ever have at once. i'm freaking out. i don't know how i'm supposed to manage. i don't know if i'm going to be able to do this. fees have reached new heights and show no signs of slowing down, and i can't fucking afford to stay any longer than december. i'm already going to be paying back loans for the rest of my sorry life and i just don't know if i can handle all of this shit.
the tap water in my apartment isn't very clean. it doesn't taste good and my nipple is getting infected from being soaked in that water.
my bed arrives this evening between the hours of 5pm and 9pm, which is great! except for how i don't have internet and can't do my online spanish homework, which is due at midnight tonight. not to mention i still haven't the slightest clue what performance i will do for my other class. so much hatred for like, everything.
chloe is prob not coming back. she said that she would come back for pride and she wasn't able to. she said she would move back as soon as she was able, and now she is not. i support her and i know she has to do what she has to do, but i don't know how to shut up the part of me that is angry and feeling abandoned and hopeless. it just makes me so fucking angry because i went a really fucki9ng long time here in the bay area without being dependent on anyone, and suddenly someone i think i can count on appears and seduces me into this stupid sense of security, only to wander off again. i know that's now what she actually did. and i know she's not happy to be away from me either, but i just feel so fucking sad and irritated and tired.
- and before i start weeping in the damn library, let's make a list of positive things!
- i live in oakland! my new place is awesome! i have wayyy too much shit and not nearly enough storage space (shelves, bookcases, side tables, other things i can't afford) to put it in. so basically all of my shit is still in boxes. oh, that's not positive. uhhhhh i am happy at the new apartment. we are having a housewarming party saturday. =)
- i've been trying new things with my hair! twist-outs are awesome! my hair is growing a lot faster and it's a lot less hassle in the morning than trying to pic it into something that isn't flat on one side.
- i'm on my way to becoming a Cool Oakland Queer. i know some people, and am not completely awkward around them.
- genne and i are finally on good terms again. long story. but it's really nice to be able to talk about old shit with her. it's really interesting to be reminded of how much of a jerk i was to her... i seriously told her that i would break up with her if she didn't go to college. i was an obnoxious 16 year old, apparently. lols.
- if all goes well, i will be in possession of a new Linkin Park album, a new Panic! at the Disco album, AND a new My Chemical Romance album within the next 6 months. how sick would that be? (to be fair, panic and mychem haven't exactly announced release dates, but both have said on twitter that they're pm done recording!)
- i bought myself some awesome shoes for my birthday. they bring me joy every day. they bring other people joy. they're GREAT shoes.
- going salsa dancing with my spanish class friday. should be fun. =)
take care of yourselves, friends. <3