day 10: and if you feel like i feel, baby, then come on.
hi friends!
so the other day i randomly decided i wanted to climb a hill. and so i set out for the one with the big C on it (berkeley landmark, bear pride, etc. it's pretty much a giant cement C painted yellow on the side of a hill. you can see it from campus. very exciting) and i figured maybe i'd write when i got up there. but i forgot my canteen and was hella thirsty before i even reached the nature-y portion of the trek (also known as the steepest and most dangerous bits) so i decided not to actually go all the way up. i took a break and sat in the middle of this mostly deserted parking lot and looked over the bay (stellar views up on this hill), when i heard movement in the bushes behind me. my immediate thoughts were whatthefuck is that, jesus, and probably a fucking bobcat, fuck, i'm gonna die. after a moment the rustling stopped and i realized that it was probably a squirrel or someshit, but i vaguely knew that while i was busy convincing myself it was a squirrel, a fuckin bobcat could hop the fuck out and eat me, so that sucked. plus, i was up on this hill in this pretty deserted area during the summer when pretty much no one lives at the dorm building i was nearest to, and no one knew i was there. basically, i was going to die. so i turn around and it's a fucking.... deer.
...
i'm not making this shit up. the beginning of summer, i'm in a parking lot on a hill with nature behind me (and yea, nature, but still, i was not anticipating an animal i had never encountered before) and for unknown reasons, i started freaking the fuck out. but here, okay. i'm certain you've seen When Animals Attack, right, and that shit scarred the fuck out of me as a kid. cuz i would look and wonder, like, what was that dude doin hangin around sharks in the first place?? and my mom would slant me a glance and inform me with world-weary wisdom that, "Black people don't do that." and, as a child, i figured that somehow, just by virtue of being Black, i wouldn't be put into any situation where i would need to 'play dead', asitwere. i'm older now and know better (because, yes, it's shocking but Black people do stupid shit too), but i have never sat and actually contemplated what i would do when faced with an unfamiliar animal of whose intentions i am unsure. apparently, the answer was sit and stare, open-mouthed, as i search my mind to try and remember where deer are herbivores are what (i know all kinds of useless information, but this fact escaped me and that's just not fair), while simultaneously trying to see if this deer had particularly threatening body language (but seriously, how the fuck would i know how to read the body language of a fucking deer, jesus). at the same time, i'm tryign to take photos with my phone without moving too much (hoping neither to scare it off, nor to convince it that i am something particularly delicious and that stomping on my precious head with its hooves would be a good plan). eventually it decides that i am of no interest and carries on walking towards the other parking lot.
and, in case you missed the deer, because cameraphones suck and are useless,
a few moments later it glances back and i belatedly hear more rustling and i'm like FUCK I HOPE THAT'S NOT A BOBCAT COMIN TO EAT THE DEER, THAT WOULD BE SOME FUCKED UP ASS PLANET EARTH SHIT but it was, alas, another deer. this fucker noticed me much more quickly than the first one did and we definitely had like a 3-minute staredown. it was scary.
and zoom
again, i'm taking photos and keep saying what the fuuuuuck to myself quietly. it's looking at me like it's wondering the same thing.
and i probably don't need to zoom for this one, but just in case you didn't spot the deer,
yea. this was the point when i decided i was just gonna head right on home. that was more than enough excitement for my day. i called liam to freak the fuck out to him, though, because i'm lame that way. but i felt better afterwards.
oh and i stopped by urban outfitters on the way home, to visit chloe, and i ended up seeing this.
IT AMUSED ME.
today was a good day, even though i really didn't get up to much. when i woke up i had vague notions of hoppin on the bus and heading down to the marina to stare out at the water and perhaps write (I WROTE A WHOLE PAGE LAST NIGHT), but then i got stoned and had a bit to drink (i just kind of... felt like it) and suddenly i was high and buzzed in the middle of the day for no real reason, and in the mood to read a lot of spencer/brendon. i don't question these things though, so i just went with it. at some point i took a nap, and when i woke up, i decided that i was going to the big c again (all the way up this time, even), and that, if christa was still sitting in the living room in her pajamas, she was coming with me.
christa is eric's 15 year old daughter who lives here about 3 days out of the week, give or take? she goes to berkeley high school and i'm constantly jealous of how fucking conscious she is, at her fucking age. she's me, now, only hella younger. she's the angry feminist in her classes. her school does not celebrate Columbus Day; they call it Indigenous People's Day. she's been doin protests and shit since like 6th grade. they have an African American Studies department at her high school. i am so, so jealous of her in a lot of ways. her mom's this badass Black feminist with dreads who does sexual health work at christa's school. it's. not fair, the more i think about it, so let's move on.
christa's cool as hell, funny and dorky and sweet and she admires me in this total Older Cool Womyn way (my ego; it can't take much more of this). and i always have vague notions of being more intentional in my relationship with her and wanting to be more conscious of the fact that i have an effect on her, you know? like, i don't have a swollen sense of self here, but if i had had someone like me in my life at her age, i would have loved it. and i always wonder what kind of femsexy influence i could have on her? but then i get sidetracked because i'm extremely self-centered and often go days trying to avoid more than passing encounters with the people i live with. i can't explain it; i'm just weird sometimes is the best i can give you.
christa came to see me in the vagina monologues (along with the rest of her family, who were totally happy to come) and wrote me a letter about how it changed her life. she reads Angela Davis and is a vegetarian and is infinitely cooler than i was at, like, 19, dude. but whatever.
so i told her i was going on a hike and she totally wanted to come and we talked the entire way. it was good, because i really haven't been talking much lately. i'm trying to get back into the swing of it, even though i am immensely enjoying my solitude. i'd like to be balancing things out at some point. she laughed at me when i told her the story about the deer, but by the time we were almost to the top, she was totally creeped out by deer and bobcats and hit, too. i have a nasty habit of infecting other people with my paranoia, lmao. this is not the first time something like this has happened. it's kinda sad, y'all. also, kinda hilarious.
this is from, like, january. but so pritty. taken on the roof of loth, on the first Extreme Self Love Friday
let's end on that note! have a good night, friends! ♥
so the other day i randomly decided i wanted to climb a hill. and so i set out for the one with the big C on it (berkeley landmark, bear pride, etc. it's pretty much a giant cement C painted yellow on the side of a hill. you can see it from campus. very exciting) and i figured maybe i'd write when i got up there. but i forgot my canteen and was hella thirsty before i even reached the nature-y portion of the trek (also known as the steepest and most dangerous bits) so i decided not to actually go all the way up. i took a break and sat in the middle of this mostly deserted parking lot and looked over the bay (stellar views up on this hill), when i heard movement in the bushes behind me. my immediate thoughts were whatthefuck is that, jesus, and probably a fucking bobcat, fuck, i'm gonna die. after a moment the rustling stopped and i realized that it was probably a squirrel or someshit, but i vaguely knew that while i was busy convincing myself it was a squirrel, a fuckin bobcat could hop the fuck out and eat me, so that sucked. plus, i was up on this hill in this pretty deserted area during the summer when pretty much no one lives at the dorm building i was nearest to, and no one knew i was there. basically, i was going to die. so i turn around and it's a fucking.... deer.
...
i'm not making this shit up. the beginning of summer, i'm in a parking lot on a hill with nature behind me (and yea, nature, but still, i was not anticipating an animal i had never encountered before) and for unknown reasons, i started freaking the fuck out. but here, okay. i'm certain you've seen When Animals Attack, right, and that shit scarred the fuck out of me as a kid. cuz i would look and wonder, like, what was that dude doin hangin around sharks in the first place?? and my mom would slant me a glance and inform me with world-weary wisdom that, "Black people don't do that." and, as a child, i figured that somehow, just by virtue of being Black, i wouldn't be put into any situation where i would need to 'play dead', asitwere. i'm older now and know better (because, yes, it's shocking but Black people do stupid shit too), but i have never sat and actually contemplated what i would do when faced with an unfamiliar animal of whose intentions i am unsure. apparently, the answer was sit and stare, open-mouthed, as i search my mind to try and remember where deer are herbivores are what (i know all kinds of useless information, but this fact escaped me and that's just not fair), while simultaneously trying to see if this deer had particularly threatening body language (but seriously, how the fuck would i know how to read the body language of a fucking deer, jesus). at the same time, i'm tryign to take photos with my phone without moving too much (hoping neither to scare it off, nor to convince it that i am something particularly delicious and that stomping on my precious head with its hooves would be a good plan). eventually it decides that i am of no interest and carries on walking towards the other parking lot.
and, in case you missed the deer, because cameraphones suck and are useless,
a few moments later it glances back and i belatedly hear more rustling and i'm like FUCK I HOPE THAT'S NOT A BOBCAT COMIN TO EAT THE DEER, THAT WOULD BE SOME FUCKED UP ASS PLANET EARTH SHIT but it was, alas, another deer. this fucker noticed me much more quickly than the first one did and we definitely had like a 3-minute staredown. it was scary.
and zoom
again, i'm taking photos and keep saying what the fuuuuuck to myself quietly. it's looking at me like it's wondering the same thing.
and i probably don't need to zoom for this one, but just in case you didn't spot the deer,
yea. this was the point when i decided i was just gonna head right on home. that was more than enough excitement for my day. i called liam to freak the fuck out to him, though, because i'm lame that way. but i felt better afterwards.
oh and i stopped by urban outfitters on the way home, to visit chloe, and i ended up seeing this.
IT AMUSED ME.
today was a good day, even though i really didn't get up to much. when i woke up i had vague notions of hoppin on the bus and heading down to the marina to stare out at the water and perhaps write (I WROTE A WHOLE PAGE LAST NIGHT), but then i got stoned and had a bit to drink (i just kind of... felt like it) and suddenly i was high and buzzed in the middle of the day for no real reason, and in the mood to read a lot of spencer/brendon. i don't question these things though, so i just went with it. at some point i took a nap, and when i woke up, i decided that i was going to the big c again (all the way up this time, even), and that, if christa was still sitting in the living room in her pajamas, she was coming with me.
christa is eric's 15 year old daughter who lives here about 3 days out of the week, give or take? she goes to berkeley high school and i'm constantly jealous of how fucking conscious she is, at her fucking age. she's me, now, only hella younger. she's the angry feminist in her classes. her school does not celebrate Columbus Day; they call it Indigenous People's Day. she's been doin protests and shit since like 6th grade. they have an African American Studies department at her high school. i am so, so jealous of her in a lot of ways. her mom's this badass Black feminist with dreads who does sexual health work at christa's school. it's. not fair, the more i think about it, so let's move on.
christa's cool as hell, funny and dorky and sweet and she admires me in this total Older Cool Womyn way (my ego; it can't take much more of this). and i always have vague notions of being more intentional in my relationship with her and wanting to be more conscious of the fact that i have an effect on her, you know? like, i don't have a swollen sense of self here, but if i had had someone like me in my life at her age, i would have loved it. and i always wonder what kind of femsexy influence i could have on her? but then i get sidetracked because i'm extremely self-centered and often go days trying to avoid more than passing encounters with the people i live with. i can't explain it; i'm just weird sometimes is the best i can give you.
christa came to see me in the vagina monologues (along with the rest of her family, who were totally happy to come) and wrote me a letter about how it changed her life. she reads Angela Davis and is a vegetarian and is infinitely cooler than i was at, like, 19, dude. but whatever.
so i told her i was going on a hike and she totally wanted to come and we talked the entire way. it was good, because i really haven't been talking much lately. i'm trying to get back into the swing of it, even though i am immensely enjoying my solitude. i'd like to be balancing things out at some point. she laughed at me when i told her the story about the deer, but by the time we were almost to the top, she was totally creeped out by deer and bobcats and hit, too. i have a nasty habit of infecting other people with my paranoia, lmao. this is not the first time something like this has happened. it's kinda sad, y'all. also, kinda hilarious.
this is from, like, january. but so pritty. taken on the roof of loth, on the first Extreme Self Love Friday
let's end on that note! have a good night, friends! ♥