thomas FYI. if you read this, that is.
i just want you to see how i am.
you dont have to pay attention.
i am the most heartbroken i've ever been.
my thought process has been i dont care to absolutely devastated every few hours.
i still fee like i need this.
i just want you to know how much it fucking hurts.
and how sorry i am.
and maybe soon you'll understand.
i dont want to hurt you anymore.
but i just cant be committed.not right now.
i dont want to be half heartedly in something with you.
it needs to be all or nothing.
and i just cant put myself into it completely right now.
i am still trying to figure out why.and i cant say because i dont know.
it just feels right to be my own person.
it has nothing to do with you.pressure.commitment.
its something in me,.
with a person like you, i need to give 110%.
and i cant give myself to you completely.
i want to figure my own shit out.i need to figure my own shit out.
because if anything were to happen again, it needs to be completely totally involved.
and right now, i just cant do it.
there is no sense in it for you to understand.but i know i need this.
it makes sense in my head.
i wont ask you to wait for me because its not fair.
and who knows if i will even feel the same in a few months?
its not worth waiting for.
i tried to make it hard for you.i tried to ignore all my feelings.
i tried to act so cold.but as soon as you walked away from me the tears wouldnt stop.
dont think i'm heartless and don't think i'm cold.
i want you to remember me this way.
maybe it will make it easier for you, i dont know.
just know that i'm sorry.
i've never felt such fucking regret and guilt about anything and i've done some pretty shitty things.
i wish you were here, so i could give you a proper goodbye.
the goodbye wasnt good enough for you.
i want you to understand but i cant find the words that would relate it to you.
i would like to hug you.and just apologise.
try to explain and be honest and open.
we would talk until you felt you were okay with walking away.
i can do this now.
it was such a suprise to see you on monday.
you didnt give me any time to prepare myself, so i did what i know how to do best in those situations.
say fuck it i dont care and act like a child.
but i am ready to be open with you.
you need this.and i will give it to you.
but please dont try to win me back or fight for me.
just accept this for what it is.
you are too good for me.and you know this deep down, you really know this.
right now i'm in a weird place where i need some breathing room.
i dont know how you will react to this or anything i have written the last few days.
but i am willing to talk to you, heart open.
i dont know what else to say.
i just hope that you read this.
you dont have to pay attention.
i am the most heartbroken i've ever been.
my thought process has been i dont care to absolutely devastated every few hours.
i still fee like i need this.
i just want you to know how much it fucking hurts.
and how sorry i am.
and maybe soon you'll understand.
i dont want to hurt you anymore.
but i just cant be committed.not right now.
i dont want to be half heartedly in something with you.
it needs to be all or nothing.
and i just cant put myself into it completely right now.
i am still trying to figure out why.and i cant say because i dont know.
it just feels right to be my own person.
it has nothing to do with you.pressure.commitment.
its something in me,.
with a person like you, i need to give 110%.
and i cant give myself to you completely.
i want to figure my own shit out.i need to figure my own shit out.
because if anything were to happen again, it needs to be completely totally involved.
and right now, i just cant do it.
there is no sense in it for you to understand.but i know i need this.
it makes sense in my head.
i wont ask you to wait for me because its not fair.
and who knows if i will even feel the same in a few months?
its not worth waiting for.
i tried to make it hard for you.i tried to ignore all my feelings.
i tried to act so cold.but as soon as you walked away from me the tears wouldnt stop.
dont think i'm heartless and don't think i'm cold.
i want you to remember me this way.
maybe it will make it easier for you, i dont know.
just know that i'm sorry.
i've never felt such fucking regret and guilt about anything and i've done some pretty shitty things.
i wish you were here, so i could give you a proper goodbye.
the goodbye wasnt good enough for you.
i want you to understand but i cant find the words that would relate it to you.
i would like to hug you.and just apologise.
try to explain and be honest and open.
we would talk until you felt you were okay with walking away.
i can do this now.
it was such a suprise to see you on monday.
you didnt give me any time to prepare myself, so i did what i know how to do best in those situations.
say fuck it i dont care and act like a child.
but i am ready to be open with you.
you need this.and i will give it to you.
but please dont try to win me back or fight for me.
just accept this for what it is.
you are too good for me.and you know this deep down, you really know this.
right now i'm in a weird place where i need some breathing room.
i dont know how you will react to this or anything i have written the last few days.
but i am willing to talk to you, heart open.
i dont know what else to say.
i just hope that you read this.