okay.TL;DR
1 hours sleep last night.
i dont know what is going on.
i realised.i fucking hate having so little sleep.
but i like the feeling of only having one meal a day.
so far ive eaten nothing today and the hunger isnt bothering me.
maybe because i am so fucked up with a lack of sleep.
i will sleep tonight.i fucking better sleep tonight.
last night i caved and had dinner.
i was fucking starving.
i am a girl who likes her fucking food motherfuckers.
i had veggie tacos and they were delicious.
i will have my dinner tonight and that will be all.
i am sick of snacking on rubbish.its making my skin so bad.
i think i am doing this to become more aware of my bodys needs.
i eat out of boredom, instead of when i am actually hungry.
so i am trying to become aware of when i am really hungry, and when i'm just eating kill time.
or comfort eating.or whatever.
my body tells me constantly im fucking starving, but thats because ive shoved so much shit in it since i was a kid that i seem to never satisfy a hunger.
i am hungry now.i know i am hungry.
so i will eat dinner and leave it at that.
try to let my body get used to less food so i dont have this constant need to snack on shit.
does this make fucking sense to anyone but me?
for the record, i dont have an eating disorder, never did, never want one.
i am doing this purely do regulate my body, know its wants and get it used to eating less.
whatever about eating.
i havent been in the mood for anything.
taking pictures.putting them up.talking to a soul.
i am enjoying being alone.by myself.
the thoughts of being around someone the way i feel just annoys me.
i can feel myself getting annoyed at the thought of having to talk to someone.
where has this come from?
i am an extrovert.i thrive on conversations with people and human contact.
i never was a loner.i always loved to be around people.
i have had moods where i just want to be alone, but usually it lasts for a day.
this is lasting so long.but i am enjoying my own space.my own time.just being by myself.listening to my own thoughts, watching my own movies and doing my own thing.
i think ive had enough bullshit of people for a while.
not bullshit.just stress of people.
steph and jay invited me out on friday.i declined.
steph invited me out on saturday for graham leaving for south africa for 6 weeks.i declined.
i love my friends.so dearly.but seriously.i want to be alone.
completely.
i dont even like it when my mam talks to me.
what the fuck.
uggh.
i am rambling on.
i hope you're all doing well.
i think i am.but i actually dont know whether i'm happy or sad.
i am indifferent.
right.
back to fucking work.
i dont know what is going on.
i realised.i fucking hate having so little sleep.
but i like the feeling of only having one meal a day.
so far ive eaten nothing today and the hunger isnt bothering me.
maybe because i am so fucked up with a lack of sleep.
i will sleep tonight.i fucking better sleep tonight.
last night i caved and had dinner.
i was fucking starving.
i am a girl who likes her fucking food motherfuckers.
i had veggie tacos and they were delicious.
i will have my dinner tonight and that will be all.
i am sick of snacking on rubbish.its making my skin so bad.
i think i am doing this to become more aware of my bodys needs.
i eat out of boredom, instead of when i am actually hungry.
so i am trying to become aware of when i am really hungry, and when i'm just eating kill time.
or comfort eating.or whatever.
my body tells me constantly im fucking starving, but thats because ive shoved so much shit in it since i was a kid that i seem to never satisfy a hunger.
i am hungry now.i know i am hungry.
so i will eat dinner and leave it at that.
try to let my body get used to less food so i dont have this constant need to snack on shit.
does this make fucking sense to anyone but me?
for the record, i dont have an eating disorder, never did, never want one.
i am doing this purely do regulate my body, know its wants and get it used to eating less.
whatever about eating.
i havent been in the mood for anything.
taking pictures.putting them up.talking to a soul.
i am enjoying being alone.by myself.
the thoughts of being around someone the way i feel just annoys me.
i can feel myself getting annoyed at the thought of having to talk to someone.
where has this come from?
i am an extrovert.i thrive on conversations with people and human contact.
i never was a loner.i always loved to be around people.
i have had moods where i just want to be alone, but usually it lasts for a day.
this is lasting so long.but i am enjoying my own space.my own time.just being by myself.listening to my own thoughts, watching my own movies and doing my own thing.
i think ive had enough bullshit of people for a while.
not bullshit.just stress of people.
steph and jay invited me out on friday.i declined.
steph invited me out on saturday for graham leaving for south africa for 6 weeks.i declined.
i love my friends.so dearly.but seriously.i want to be alone.
completely.
i dont even like it when my mam talks to me.
what the fuck.
uggh.
i am rambling on.
i hope you're all doing well.
i think i am.but i actually dont know whether i'm happy or sad.
i am indifferent.
right.
back to fucking work.