[04] [video] a strange turn
[Juudai looks a little flushed, and his voice keeps coming out rough and slightly nasally, as though he's coming down with a sore throat and/or a headcold. He's at the inn while the rain keeps coming down with pounding force outside, battering against the windows, and his Growlithe is trodding merrily around the carpet with an oddly-shaped plush
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...The world changes all the time. People die; friends, family, everyone. It's not something humankind can prevent. Death is not defeat--the people you care for will be with you forever. The fact that they've died doesn't change how you feel about them.
And maybe you've screwed up, I don't know you well enough to say one way or the other. But if you did, then make up for it. Keep moving forward and do all you can to fix the things you've done wrong.
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I've never thought about death that seriously before. I just knew it happened, and it sucked, and I resolved not to let it get the best of me. But I wonder if it's closer than I think, now that I've been told of some catastrophe that's going to happen in the future that will probably kill hundreds of people, and probably a lot more.
So I will keep going. Giving up only means there's one outcome, but continuing on means you have options. I learned that already, definitely.
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[Otacon listened patiently, adjusting his glasses.] That bad, huh? We're kind of dealing with something like that back home--the whole world's kind of on a downward spiral. But if you know about it beforehand, maybe there's something you can do.
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Yeah... I travel the world, and some of the things I see aren't always pleasant. But there is good and bad in the world, always. It needs that balance.
As for the Zero Reverse thing, I plan on finding out more. I'll probably have to really pull some strings and wring some necks to find out about what Crow told me -- he said that there was a science project called Momentum that went wrong and destroyed the whole city of Domino, which is basically where all the weird things happen where I'm from. It's kind of dimensionally unstable, so to speak. So if I can put a stop to that somehow... then, maybe...
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Zero Reverse...I'll let you know if I hear anything about it.
[Pause.]
--and I just realized I completely forgot to introduce myself. I'm sorry, you must think I'm completely crazy. My name's Ota-...Hal Emmerich. Most people call me Otacon.
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Thanks. Ah, you're not crazy, hehe. I really appreciate the thoughts, Otacon. Not really sure what I was thinking when I posted this, since I'm not as... sulky right now, but I think I just had too much time to myself or something. It happens.
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Believe me, I understand the feeling. I've been stuck the same way myself for a while.
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There was a time in my life where I couldn't get over something terrible I'd done... but I did manage to fix it eventually. Well enough, anyway; it took my friends a while to each overcome their problems with me, but it worked itself out in the end. So I try to remember that time, and use it to remind myself I'll work it out when I need to.
...It's just, sometimes the hard part is convincing myself of that.
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...wow. That sounds...well, familiar. I did something really terrible once, something that led to a lot more mistakes and a whole mess of things. But I'm doing all I can to make up for it...because it's my responsibility in the first place.
My friends usually say it wasn't my fault...but I'm not sure I believe them.
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At first, a few of my more generous friends told me it wasn't my fault, but eventually they acknowledged it wasn't true. It was a genuine mistake, sure, but it was still my fault. So we all just dealt with it and moved along. This was in high school, and we're all graduated now and doing our own thing, so they've all had time to come to terms with it. That, and I haven't seen a lot of them in a while -- distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that, I guess.
I think even if it is your fault, it's best that you do do what you can to make up for it. And it sounds like no one's holding it against you, are they? If so, it's all you can do to just try and reconcile and move on and stuff like that. Time helps, too, I think.
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The truth is...I don't have anything left except for one friend now. Just him and the work we're doing together to try and help the world. I've lost everything because of the things I've done. The last family I had died not long before I got here.
[The fact that he said all of that with a smile might have been unnerving if the aforementioned smile wasn't clearly false.]
All I have now is to keep moving forward. There's just...nothing else.
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And, hey, maybe I don't know you that well yet, but I'll be here for you too, okay? It sucks being alone like that... I remember the feeling. You do have to move forward, definitely, but you'd be surprised how many people might be willing to reach out and help give you a little push in the process... hehe. I know I've needed that point in the right direction more than once in my life.
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...thanks, Juudai. My friend and I...we're sort of on our own back home. But I've got a few other friends here if nothing else, and even just that means a lot to me.
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Hah, it's no problem! I do my best to watch out for people when I can. It's good that you can get a few friends here, too, since we all have at least one main thing in common here, I guess.
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