Lesson - part 2

Jul 31, 2011 10:19

( Lost little children should start from the beginning.)

Title: Lesson (part2)
Rating: pg-13
Pairings: Ian/Anthony
Summary: The best thing school ever taught Ian, was the existence of Anthony Padilla.
Notes:I kinda write things confusing, I know. If there's plenty of things you don't get, then please, don't hesitate to ask me about them! xD
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.

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(Nature has provided sex as a basic need. Biologically thinking, Ian does not understand the need to mate with someone who’s useless at breeding. Then again, top feeders and those with no natural predators can afford to choose differently. There’s no need for it to make sense, as long as it feels good, he thinks.)

Ian lets out a sigh when his attempt to sneak inside the house fails, the front door expressing its disability to cooperate by creaking as loudly as it can. It should have been fine, though, because Anthony was rarely awake at the ungodly hour of 9am, and should have been sleeping according to Ian’s calculations.

No such luck.

Anthony sits at their poor excuse of a dining table, a bowl of cereal in front of him and a carton of milk beside it. His expression is so lazy that Ian can guess he might have skipped another night without any sleep.

“Hey you,” Anthony greets him, his voice slow from lack of rest.

“Hey,” Ian says back, not looking at the other at all.

The point of coming home so early and trying to sneak in was to avoid being caught by this guy, and the reason for that was because Ian was sure that what he had done last night was written all over his face. He wanted to avoid telling the truth, and really, that was the only thing he could do because he wasn’t about to lie to Anthony either.

So keeping his eyes on the ground, Ian tries to walk into his room to sleep away the twisting of his stomach. Having done what he had done, he felt both satisfied and disgusted. Right and wrong. All because he had thought about Anthony the whole time.

“Where’ve you been?” Anthony’s question halts Ian’s steps.

“Why are you asking?” Ian suddenly finds himself grinning widely, teasingly. “Don’t tell me you’ve stayed up the whole night waiting for me to come home?” Because humor is his best defense.

Anthony stares at him a moment longer, his answer of, “I might have,” doing horrible things to Ian’s heart.

“I was at Daniel’s,” Ian finds himself confessing before he had the time to even consider the words leaving his mouth. “Dan. From high school.”

“Huh?” Anthony looks confused, more awake now than he was moments before. “You’ve kept in touch with him?”

“Not until now,” Ian tells, trying to feel calm as the taste of the truth smears over his tongue.

Anthony looks a bit puzzled, like he’s trying to figure the situation out but not being able to grasp the gist of it. “Why so suddenly-“

“To have sex.” Ian interrupts and puts a quick stop to Anthony’s wondering. He had expected to feel panic now that the whole truth was out, but instead relief fills Ian. As a secret, all of this would have been much a bigger burden to carry.

Anthony on the other hand does not look as sure of himself, blinking as if he’s still lost on what is going on. “With a guy?” He tries to confirm.

“Yeah. With a guy,” Ian nods, crossing his arms while looking at Anthony with challenging eyes. “You have a problem with that?”

A long silence falls over them, as Anthony tries to swallow what Ian had just said. There’s no way Anthony won’t accept Ian just as he is, they both know that, and it’s what makes Ian feel so confident that this bit of truth won’t be the end of them.

“No,” is the answer both of them knew Anthony would give. “So are you guys together now or something?”

“No,” Ian almost snorts, amused by the thought. The one thing he and Dan had in common would have been a very poor base for a relationship. “I was just curious,” he adds like it’s not a big deal.

“Curious?” Anthony asks, raising his brows. “So you won’t do it again?”

Feeling no need to answer any more questions concerning what he had done last night and with whom, Ian turns around to continue his way into his room. “I might,” was the last thing he said about the matter, using a tone that should have left no room for Anthony to judge his choice of action.

A tiny sigh of, “I see,” follows Ian to his room, and he closes his door with a strong hand, not allowing the utter disappointment in Anthony’s voice to break his heart.

(Philosophy asks whether or not a falling tree makes a sound if there’s no one to hear it. Ian can’t say he knows the answer to that, but if he screams alone inside his car in an empty parking lot, he can at least pretend it didn’t happen.)

Everyone is laughing. It’s something contagious that Ian can’t help but be a part of even if he doesn’t think that what he had just said was that funny. Their videos are coming out well as usual and everything is seemingly fine.

Except that it’s not.

Anthony is acting weirdly. It’s not with avoidance and awkward silences like Ian had expected the other to react, but rather, he keeps close to Ian whenever there are other people around. Not to say that them being close even if there’s other people around is that unusual either, but combined with how he keeps an eye on Ian and whoever he’s talking with, is a sure sign that Ian’s confession has affected him in some weird way.

Like he now expects Ian to sleep with every guy he’s friendly with. Ridiculous.

But Ian guesses it’s understandable for Anthony to react in some way after hearing his long-term best friend slept with a guy who once yearned to get into Anthony’s pants.  So if he really felt the need to observe Ian so closely to confirm that that little episode had not changed anything, and that Ian was still the same old Ian (weird and funny and still very much in love), then Ian would let him proceed to do as he pleased.

Was what Ian thought, anyway.

Truth is, Ian can’t handle Anthony being so close to him all the time. Ian doesn’t want those eyes watching him from the other side of the room, either.

Because he’s not far from having hope that he’s constantly in Anthony’s thoughts.

And soon he’ll start to mistake honest concern for jealousy. Closeness for affection. Friendship for love.

All of that is exactly what he should be avoiding at this point. He’s made a decision long ago to spare Anthony from having to deal with yet another confession he doesn’t want to hear, and so Anthony himself should be a little more considerate with his behavior.

So, “hey you,” is what Ian says one night at his friend’s retreating back, his wish to tell Anthony off no doubt caused by the alcohol in his system.

“What?” Anthony asks him, his movements a bit wobbly due to the amount of drinks he had consumed along with everyone to celebrate a pile of videos well done.

“You have a problem with me.” Ian accuses, emphasizing the accused in question by pointing a finger at Anthony. It earns him a dump look and a denial of, “no I don’t.”

“You do,” is the strongest argument Ian has to throw back. “Yes, you do,” he tells Anthony again with a slight difficulty to get the words out without a slur.

“Yeah?” Anthony says like he doesn’t have a clue.

“Yeah,” Ian nods to confirm. “Your odd behavior since I told you I slept with a guy has been noted.”

Anthony’s eyes shift a bit suspiciously and he seems to find something interesting from the empty wall to stare at. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says so unconvincingly that it’s clear to both of them that he knows exactly what Ian is talking about.

“Homophobe,” Ian grins the word out, knowing full well how much it irritates the other.

“I’m not a homophobe, Ian,” Anthony sighs.

“Fine then, but you do have a problem with it.”

“I don’t have a problem with anything,” Anthony starts to deny, but Ian won’t have it.

“You’re not comfortable with it, then.” Ian alters his words, the beginning of an explanation drying in Anthony’s mouth as the emphasized word hits its mark.

“I-“ Anthony tries, looking hesitantly at Ian’s eyes before averting his gaze to the ground. That’s all he has to say, and after that, he lets silence to greet Ian’s disappointment.

“Thanks man,” Ian grits out, voice full of bitter sarcasm. “If I’d known you’d have such a problem with it then maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut, huh?”

Anthony doesn’t say anything, but the way he’s clenching his fists is telling Ian that the guy’s not happy having to hear what Ian has to say. It makes him back down a bit, because Anthony is already bothered by him, and the last thing Ian wants now is to make Anthony angry as well.

“What’s the big deal?” Ian tries to ask with a smaller voice, starting to stare at the same floor Anthony finds so very interesting to watch. “It’s not like I ever came onto you.”

“Well maybe you should have,” is what Anthony says next, his gaze moving from the floor back to the wall, still unable to look at Ian. Anthony’s cheeks are tinted red, and Ian can’t say if it’s because of the alcohol, or because they often take that color or because Anthony is actually embarrassed.

His mouth suddenly feels impossibly dry, and as he tries to swallow, Ian whispers a weak, “don’t say that.”

Because it’s not nice of Anthony to give him false hope.

“If you were curious or whatever, then why didn’t you ask me?” Anthony asks him, not even trying to hide his displease of the choice Ian had made.

“Because you’re dedicated to girls,” is the best thing Ian can come up with. The answer doesn’t seem to satisfy Anthony, though.

“You can say that if you want, but I’m sharing my life with you, aren’t I?”

Suddenly the wall and floor hold no more interest for either of them, as Anthony stares at Ian straight in the eye. Like he’s accusing Ian for thinking that it was his wish alone to share the milk with this particular guy.

It leaves Ian lost for words, because Anthony is right, isn’t he? It was their mutual wish to live together, and it’s ridiculous how easy it is for them to plan things, “ten years from now we’ll-“ and really now, like Anthony would be immune to Ian’s charm anyway. What would the point have been to watch being fought over by a guy he didn’t want to be kept by?

Ian feels like he’s been very stupid recently.

Anthony seems to agree with that lopsided grin of his, as he just shakes his head and turns around to retreat into his room, only turning around when Ian desperately tries to get a wordy confirmation for his sudden epiphany with a, “wait, are you saying you-“

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out,” Anthony says before disappearing into his room, leaving the door open as an obvious invitation for Ian to follow.

“Son of a bitch,” is what Ian curses, but he does it with a laugh. So it’s never wrong to hope, he grins, as he enters the room to gather and give the last piece both of them need to feel complete.
(After all, even grammatically, Ian ends where Anthony begins.)
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