Jesus Christ Still Saved My Life
I stand alone and right now, I hate it. I am not in my room but in the room of a wider shadow. I've lost it and that may be the only way to gain things back again. I cry for Tempe. I cry cos I knew things once, directions even. I am a disappointment, I know it. I want people. I know it. I need these people and I know this more than anything else I know right now. I don't think I know much of anything, other than I've been terrible at any sort of relationship, ever. I am carried by my own reservations, neglecting those who attempt to get what they want out of our relationship and aknowledging my own selfishness. But that night in the car. The car that I don't own, I screamed out of liberation. I was happy for those two or three hours of one night with boys I didn't know and a friend that I don't get along with. I was introduced to being an eskimo with gender benders. I was grabbed and held and smiled at. I was a bird, in that car, with those people, all different people. Those people saw my organs. I have those organs and anyone in this constitution who irons their organs flat must be burning. They must be eating themselves alive, cos my organs spell out words that I am not that familiar with. And I screamed, and I screamed for this manichean to crack her plastic off of me. And her rebellion against my hand made system quieted the riot that I taught her how to throw. The two males in the front now, they were blind and def and exposed. I think I am trying to say thank you to them, for being the only two boys in this whole fake institution who are not fucking asexual. Yeah, I said the f word. I don't say the f word. Maybe I'm ready now, for "rockin the suburbs". I'm gonna keep standing here, alone, I think until I am ready to start walking again.