Flashback: 28.11.2009 - 9/10 AM
Alright. THis is kinda pre-written by me when I was sitting on the train but not having an internet connection of course - the world would be too nice if I could steal some Wlan from someone somewhere and somehow. Whatever. This day started being a bitch pretty early.
I basically really slept for 1 or 2 hours and when I woke up my alarm clock showed me 7.38 am. Epic fail, as I figured out by looking at my mobile phone´s time. It was one hour later, it was already 8.38 am and my alarm clock obviously had changed its time back to German time. Once again. And this timing, exactly today -.- I´d have loved to smack the damned alarm clock against the wall….but decided against it since it would be a waste of time LOL
I got fastly dressed and rushes to the close-by trainstation, having then still 21 minutes left when I sat in the train. Great morning, just as I had it planned -.- My breakfast is Coca Cola and Twixx and my stomach kinda must´ve given up on me already because it even doesn´t bitch about that anymore. Or I am good ignoring it.
When the train started it felt like someone was ripping me apart, that inner voice was screaming at me and telling me to get off this train before it is too late. It is too late. The past minutes I´ve been staring out of the window, hypnotizing each tree we passed, wanting it to be burned into my mind so I will not forget.
And to end this tearful time, I thought I could type this and get some distraction…okay, good distraction I something else, but well, don’t have any choice *yawning* It really feels weird to pass all these landscapes and places without knowing when I will see this all again. I never thought I´d care.
But every place just feels like it belongs to me in a way, looking at how often I passed them when going on my Deep Insight trips. The further I go away from Vaasa the number I feel somehow, I even dunnot realize anymore if tears are running down my face or not, I don’t care. I don’t care what everyone around me here thinks, why should I?
There is just one thing that doesn´t make me stay numb- the gig tonight. I will try to enjoy it, of course, will be a sucker for every word, every tune. But it will be so painful, it will be hurting, I know that. I am not sure how I am supposed to get through this all, with this huge lack of sleep that grew so badly during the past days…with my emotions and everything else. I know I will see them again, at least I think this will happen and I wanna make it happen soon.
But still. Its this: maybe I will see them, maybe not - not knowing things exactly are really bad in such situations -.- I should be sleeping the next hours until I will change the train in Jyväskylä - but there are too many people around and I just am too emotional and melancholic. Maybe later on, after Seinäjoki when the train got emptier again as I hope. At least it´s been like this the last time….
It´s all grey outside, raindrops run over the trainwindows, tears are coming up in my eyes aswell - it´s like the weather is reflecting my feelings which I am trying to oppress…god, how I love this whole place, with all the fields, all the nature. How I love those old crappy trains. How I love each tree, each piece of grass growing, every drop of water in those water-places running besides the fields….
I basically really slept for 1 or 2 hours and when I woke up my alarm clock showed me 7.38 am. Epic fail, as I figured out by looking at my mobile phone´s time. It was one hour later, it was already 8.38 am and my alarm clock obviously had changed its time back to German time. Once again. And this timing, exactly today -.- I´d have loved to smack the damned alarm clock against the wall….but decided against it since it would be a waste of time LOL
I got fastly dressed and rushes to the close-by trainstation, having then still 21 minutes left when I sat in the train. Great morning, just as I had it planned -.- My breakfast is Coca Cola and Twixx and my stomach kinda must´ve given up on me already because it even doesn´t bitch about that anymore. Or I am good ignoring it.
When the train started it felt like someone was ripping me apart, that inner voice was screaming at me and telling me to get off this train before it is too late. It is too late. The past minutes I´ve been staring out of the window, hypnotizing each tree we passed, wanting it to be burned into my mind so I will not forget.
And to end this tearful time, I thought I could type this and get some distraction…okay, good distraction I something else, but well, don’t have any choice *yawning* It really feels weird to pass all these landscapes and places without knowing when I will see this all again. I never thought I´d care.
But every place just feels like it belongs to me in a way, looking at how often I passed them when going on my Deep Insight trips. The further I go away from Vaasa the number I feel somehow, I even dunnot realize anymore if tears are running down my face or not, I don’t care. I don’t care what everyone around me here thinks, why should I?
There is just one thing that doesn´t make me stay numb- the gig tonight. I will try to enjoy it, of course, will be a sucker for every word, every tune. But it will be so painful, it will be hurting, I know that. I am not sure how I am supposed to get through this all, with this huge lack of sleep that grew so badly during the past days…with my emotions and everything else. I know I will see them again, at least I think this will happen and I wanna make it happen soon.
But still. Its this: maybe I will see them, maybe not - not knowing things exactly are really bad in such situations -.- I should be sleeping the next hours until I will change the train in Jyväskylä - but there are too many people around and I just am too emotional and melancholic. Maybe later on, after Seinäjoki when the train got emptier again as I hope. At least it´s been like this the last time….
It´s all grey outside, raindrops run over the trainwindows, tears are coming up in my eyes aswell - it´s like the weather is reflecting my feelings which I am trying to oppress…god, how I love this whole place, with all the fields, all the nature. How I love those old crappy trains. How I love each tree, each piece of grass growing, every drop of water in those water-places running besides the fields….