Random bitchy post
Okay, so maybe I shouldn't read other people's complaints about the world. It makes me want to post my own.
I'm hiding back here with the computer because DH has the TV on, the heat pump is cycling pretty often, and the dryer is running. That's a lot of noise. At this end of the house at least it's only the heat pump and a faint trickle of TV, but he wants to know why I'm not sitting with him.
I'm not sitting with him because the inside of my head is a very noisy place right now and none of it is coming out in tidy useful words toward writing a novel or even a fanfic. If I sit with him, the words he will insist on giving to me will clash with the hubbub already here. He will insist that I should try opening my mouth a little to prevent subvocalization (which is NOT the problem, and if it were I would have a job in a circus act as The Amazing Polyvocal Woman doing it aloud) or some other such nonsense, and sometimes I really do just want to be left alone. He doesn't get that. He's from a bigger family, and 'alone' doesn't seem to be in his vocabulary. 'Quiet,' either.
I just really can't handle much of anything right now. I'm going to leave the search team, as I'm too damn fragile to do any good. Yeah, me. Tough hide, no endurance for battle these days. That's why I prefer to win on the first hit. And every damnfool thing from getting time to write to getting a job to how I train my dog has been a frickin' battle these days.
I'm hiding back here with the computer because DH has the TV on, the heat pump is cycling pretty often, and the dryer is running. That's a lot of noise. At this end of the house at least it's only the heat pump and a faint trickle of TV, but he wants to know why I'm not sitting with him.
I'm not sitting with him because the inside of my head is a very noisy place right now and none of it is coming out in tidy useful words toward writing a novel or even a fanfic. If I sit with him, the words he will insist on giving to me will clash with the hubbub already here. He will insist that I should try opening my mouth a little to prevent subvocalization (which is NOT the problem, and if it were I would have a job in a circus act as The Amazing Polyvocal Woman doing it aloud) or some other such nonsense, and sometimes I really do just want to be left alone. He doesn't get that. He's from a bigger family, and 'alone' doesn't seem to be in his vocabulary. 'Quiet,' either.
I just really can't handle much of anything right now. I'm going to leave the search team, as I'm too damn fragile to do any good. Yeah, me. Tough hide, no endurance for battle these days. That's why I prefer to win on the first hit. And every damnfool thing from getting time to write to getting a job to how I train my dog has been a frickin' battle these days.