Its been a while my old friend...
Well its been a while since I wrote in my journal last, I felt today that I needed to vent a little bit so for all of you that were looking for some drama, well here you go. I bet its more than you needed...
Life is fucked up. As every away message I normally have it seems that there is always something sad or depressing that is concerning me. Is it just that there isnt enough to keep me occupied? Or is it that there are so many options yet still none of them appeal to me? Recently I have been thinkin about Ms Remshak who seems to be gettin married at the pace she is going. I miss ya beck! She is really a wonderful woman and im glad that she is so happy finally. I messed things up for her for a bit there but im really glad and so happy for her. I cant stop thinking about how happy I am for her because I just think she is such a great gal. You go girl. Otherwise I do miss hanging out with her and her friends, as I do miss hanging out with some old friends from highschool like carli, renee, mason fong, jill, bee xiong, flanders, jagememann, just so many people that i dont get to see anymore. Those people were real freinds and they used to matter the most to me even though I never got out much. Now i try to get out as much as possible but too many of my friends only chose to drink or do something that envolves spending money. Isnt there something in the middle that I can do so that im not bored? I dont think most people understand how hard it is to keep friends if you can pay to go out to eat fast food, the DU, or to grab some beers to drink for a night. I want to hang out with so many of my friends, and specifically lambdas but I just cant afford it. Does that make sense to you guys?
Along with the friends issues and wishing i hung out with more people more often, I have been having clashes with a buddy of mine. Yes im going to talk about you in my journal but the people that matter in my life dont mind and the people that do mind dont matter. But anyways, I used to post bad shit up about my ex because she pissed me off. I can honestly tell you that everything I said was the truth. But if you know how all relationships go sometimes the other person changes the story, denies things, forget how they really happened and will never say that you ARE telling the truth even though it may very well be just that. I tried writing in my journal about my ex, I tried talking to her on the phone, I tried emailing her but still she never seemed to grasp anything i ever told her or tried to discuss to fix our relationship. Communication is key and she lacked every aspect of it. Sometimes she was so blinded by the bullshit she made up in her head that even when we had the slightest problem it would take hours of deliberation just to make her feel better or to understand. The point of me saying this is that I have said many things about her, about our relationship because i still think about it and I still ponder if some day she might speak to me again and apologize for claiming she didnt make that promise not to see other people, for not understanding that i told her the truth about mexico (even though what I did was wrong), and so forth. But her friend got pissed at me for posting it because he was her friend and he was defending her.
But get this, he defends her when she hated him for having a "thing" for her when my ex and I were dating. Even though I defended him and got into fights with my ex about it because I truly thought he was telling me the truth about what he ment by it when in turn, he then told DANA my new gf that he did have a thing for my ex. So it ends up he caused more problems in my realtionship by lying to me as I tried to defend him and then he posted a picture of my ex and him up on facebook as well. See, now heres the thing you have to ask yourself. Is it fair to defend someone that lies to you and respect their or their friends feelings by not posting bad things online, and then that they post something online that deeply offends you? I bet any person with true common sense would say that they need to respect you if you are to respect them. I mean sometimes I wish you people that read my journal would post comments about things like that on how thats stupid of him to do that and completley disrespect me especially with regards for how I have defended him in the past!
The stress, I swear it never leaves me.
Now more about relationships. Some girls and guys think its hard to leave someone that they love so much as I did, but sometimes we need to know whats best for US. We may care about someone but it doesnt mean shit if they make us feel bad each day of our lives. However this only comes out of pure fact and not superstition that you might make things up in your head like most people do. Or else if they do make a mistake that pisses you off but they are honest about it and choose to tell you about it just after it happens, then maybe you need to consider how truthful and honest they have been to you. But to get to the point, is that if someone hurts your feelings in a manner from which you know is true and not something you made up or are hypothetically guessing about, then you need to end it. I broke up with my ex was because every time I fought with her it was like fighting with her mother. Straight up illogical thinking, irrational motions, not understanding anything said and refusing to listen to your argument when she was being completley insane. That was how my ex acted and thats why I broke up with her. I still loved her, but when someone drags you down that much, doesnt aprpeciate how truthful you were with them, then when you asked them to tell you who they were going out with because she would talk to me like she was hiding things and she would yell at you. It means that something is up and even though you love them, they arent respecting you as much as you respected them. They dont deserve you and she didnt deserve me because she was a liar about a lot of things when she would get upset. I still miss her and think about her but she will never change. And if she does change well then maybe there is something in the future. But right now im happy with dana. Now i know that im cutting this short but I need to use the bathroom then I have class so I will continue this story later this after noon!!! ttyl guys, please leave comments!!
Life is fucked up. As every away message I normally have it seems that there is always something sad or depressing that is concerning me. Is it just that there isnt enough to keep me occupied? Or is it that there are so many options yet still none of them appeal to me? Recently I have been thinkin about Ms Remshak who seems to be gettin married at the pace she is going. I miss ya beck! She is really a wonderful woman and im glad that she is so happy finally. I messed things up for her for a bit there but im really glad and so happy for her. I cant stop thinking about how happy I am for her because I just think she is such a great gal. You go girl. Otherwise I do miss hanging out with her and her friends, as I do miss hanging out with some old friends from highschool like carli, renee, mason fong, jill, bee xiong, flanders, jagememann, just so many people that i dont get to see anymore. Those people were real freinds and they used to matter the most to me even though I never got out much. Now i try to get out as much as possible but too many of my friends only chose to drink or do something that envolves spending money. Isnt there something in the middle that I can do so that im not bored? I dont think most people understand how hard it is to keep friends if you can pay to go out to eat fast food, the DU, or to grab some beers to drink for a night. I want to hang out with so many of my friends, and specifically lambdas but I just cant afford it. Does that make sense to you guys?
Along with the friends issues and wishing i hung out with more people more often, I have been having clashes with a buddy of mine. Yes im going to talk about you in my journal but the people that matter in my life dont mind and the people that do mind dont matter. But anyways, I used to post bad shit up about my ex because she pissed me off. I can honestly tell you that everything I said was the truth. But if you know how all relationships go sometimes the other person changes the story, denies things, forget how they really happened and will never say that you ARE telling the truth even though it may very well be just that. I tried writing in my journal about my ex, I tried talking to her on the phone, I tried emailing her but still she never seemed to grasp anything i ever told her or tried to discuss to fix our relationship. Communication is key and she lacked every aspect of it. Sometimes she was so blinded by the bullshit she made up in her head that even when we had the slightest problem it would take hours of deliberation just to make her feel better or to understand. The point of me saying this is that I have said many things about her, about our relationship because i still think about it and I still ponder if some day she might speak to me again and apologize for claiming she didnt make that promise not to see other people, for not understanding that i told her the truth about mexico (even though what I did was wrong), and so forth. But her friend got pissed at me for posting it because he was her friend and he was defending her.
But get this, he defends her when she hated him for having a "thing" for her when my ex and I were dating. Even though I defended him and got into fights with my ex about it because I truly thought he was telling me the truth about what he ment by it when in turn, he then told DANA my new gf that he did have a thing for my ex. So it ends up he caused more problems in my realtionship by lying to me as I tried to defend him and then he posted a picture of my ex and him up on facebook as well. See, now heres the thing you have to ask yourself. Is it fair to defend someone that lies to you and respect their or their friends feelings by not posting bad things online, and then that they post something online that deeply offends you? I bet any person with true common sense would say that they need to respect you if you are to respect them. I mean sometimes I wish you people that read my journal would post comments about things like that on how thats stupid of him to do that and completley disrespect me especially with regards for how I have defended him in the past!
The stress, I swear it never leaves me.
Now more about relationships. Some girls and guys think its hard to leave someone that they love so much as I did, but sometimes we need to know whats best for US. We may care about someone but it doesnt mean shit if they make us feel bad each day of our lives. However this only comes out of pure fact and not superstition that you might make things up in your head like most people do. Or else if they do make a mistake that pisses you off but they are honest about it and choose to tell you about it just after it happens, then maybe you need to consider how truthful and honest they have been to you. But to get to the point, is that if someone hurts your feelings in a manner from which you know is true and not something you made up or are hypothetically guessing about, then you need to end it. I broke up with my ex was because every time I fought with her it was like fighting with her mother. Straight up illogical thinking, irrational motions, not understanding anything said and refusing to listen to your argument when she was being completley insane. That was how my ex acted and thats why I broke up with her. I still loved her, but when someone drags you down that much, doesnt aprpeciate how truthful you were with them, then when you asked them to tell you who they were going out with because she would talk to me like she was hiding things and she would yell at you. It means that something is up and even though you love them, they arent respecting you as much as you respected them. They dont deserve you and she didnt deserve me because she was a liar about a lot of things when she would get upset. I still miss her and think about her but she will never change. And if she does change well then maybe there is something in the future. But right now im happy with dana. Now i know that im cutting this short but I need to use the bathroom then I have class so I will continue this story later this after noon!!! ttyl guys, please leave comments!!