Dec 30, 2005 20:45
I know that I talk about this way too much but it the number one thing that bothers me and I still dont' understand it. Sometimes I really really hate my dad . I can't realy think of the last time that i've had a conversation with him.. This makes me realize how much I hate alcohol because he always drinks it. Alcohol ruins everything or alot in my life . They say that most people drink to run from there problems I can't get my head around this no matter how hard I try . I've never gotten shit faced but I don't see how it could be so great. How can waking up with a splitting head ache in the same world , same life, same problems be that great.This drink is a quick fix , a lie. Nothing about it is true except what people say when there drinking .Something that they can't say in real life but this amazing drink gives them a fearless attitude and they can say anything . It doesn't matter how much it's going to hurt the person because you have an excuse, you where drunk. Sometimes I wish that , that everyone just said what they mean and that we where all thruthful. It's just too painful to know the truth all the time.
So what makes me say all this? my dad of course. he choose to drink , to hide from his problems. I dont' know all of my dads problems but one of them is money of course . it's sad to say but money has always been a problem in my life. I know that and no matter how hard I try I know that alot of people around me know it too .IT doens't bother me because I know that I'm rich with love and thats all that matters to me. My dad thought it more than that and I dont know what to do about it . Still this makes no sence to me if you have money problems and you go and spend a bunch of money on alcohol.. My dad is just digging himself in a bigger hole too because a while ago , he promised not to or my mother would leave him for good. Sometimes I just wish that my mother would say those words. I wish she would leave him. but where would we go . I don't want to have divorsed parents .My parents are the only ones still together why should my mom and us have to suffer becuase hes mad at the world. He makes a decsion for all of us when he opens that bottle of beer. He makes the decision to make us all suffer to all be unhappy . To take us all down with everything he says and does. So I guess we don't always have controle over everything that happens . I choose not to become an Alcoholic . I promise myself from this day on . I promise to not make myself go through what my mom is. I will not marry an Alcoholic. Casual drinking doesn't bother me even gettin shit faces every once in a while doesn't bother me but when your life affect other people. people that are younger than you and that look up to you for guidence.when you put those people down then everything they do is never good enough for you . that pisses me off. Maybe i'm just pissed off at the world too.