Fuck you world, indeed
Some days do you ever feel like you're getting screwed in every aspect of your life? Today was one of those days for me.
After studying hardcore for my econ midterm this whole week I tried to be positive when I woke up at 8am this morning. I tried to study all day today and actually for once, truly felt like I understood the material. So I sit down to write my exam and still manage to fuck it all up.
I just feel like I shouldn't have even bothered wasting my time. Not that I should have been out at GT's last night with all the usual party-hard, work-never western stereotypes. I am here to get my degree and nothing else.
The other thing that has been dragging me down is the whole relationship aspect of life. Or lack of it in my case. I'm so sick of settling for less than a real, positive relationship. Recently I've even settled for the idea of a relationship. Shaun has officially made me feel like the stupidest person to walk to face of the earth. I hear he's dating some other girl but he flat out denies it to me. I could understand this if he was trying to play me but he's not. I don't know what the fuck he's thinking. I almost wish at this point he'd flat out reject me so I'd know where I stand. And I'm torn between being a bitch and being the nice girl. The bitch can demand answers but the nice girl always comes out looking better or at least sane. So I haven't done anything. I let him message me and then give half-assed answers tending towards nice. I am an idiot.
Today I also found out that my school is giving me zero dollars this year. I was counting on getting around $750. Last year it was $1750. This eliminates the idea of a real spring break for me and means I have to explain to my credit-happy housemates that I'm not getting into debt for the Dominican.
Money frustrates me. They say that working your way through university with no money builds character. I don't give a fuck. It sucks not being able to spend money on anything but groceries and the odd night out. $50 a week is no way to live. The worse part is that my parents have money - well, my dad does. But if I need something he has nothing and I am not allowed to question the new flat screen tv that shows up the next week. I don't want to bitch about money to my mom though because she's already working like crazy to support my sisters and I.
So basically I can't say anything. About anything. I can't do anything right.
The lesson here: hard work does not pay off.