(no subject)

[uwecsweetie]

I don't want to.
I can't.

Scalding hot water burning the nape of my neck,
The way I once held my hands against the walls as you were entering inside me, I now supported myself from collapsing.
Sobbing.
I hate my life.
I hate the person I am.
I don't want to be me anymore.
I can't be me anymore.

I quit.
I'm a quitter.
It's just... too hard.

I don't want random sex on the first date. I don't want to be jealous of my fuck buddy going on dates. I don't want to care about a married man. I don't want people hating me. I don't want to be fat. I don't want to be a failure.
I'm a failure.
I'm not worth loving.
I can't do it anymore. I just can't.

Soapy and wet, dripping water over my computer keyboard. I thought the sobs were over.
But they're not.
As if my soul was sobbing, too.
I hate it. I hate life.

I wish I had a knife. And the courage. I wish I could make it go away. liquor, I need liquor.
I need someone to hold me.

I want it to stop, I want the hurt to stop. My soul is sick of hurting.
Why did you die? Why did you leave me? Why won't anybody love me like you did?
No more sobs.
I have a life, I have things to do. I can't sob in my towel all afternoon.

Goodbye.