Stacking the deck for Superdickery!
I've been occasionally reading some back issues of comic books that I haven't read before.
Today I read Vol. 1, #4 (Dec. 1981) of All-Star Squadron, written by Roy Thomas (shortly after he left Marvel for DC for the first time); this is the comic that was set during World War II on DC's Earth-Two, which to my mind was more interesting than DC's "mainstream" Earth, or Earth-One, since the superheroes on Earth-Two actually aged, had families, trained successors, and died. (Well, at least before Crisis on Infinite Earths, DC's first mondo-mega, company-wide "event" that was DC's first major reboot.) Probably the most successful spin-off of All-Star Squadron (none dare call it "ASS"..?) was Infinity, Inc., whose middle issues featured the pencils of Todd McFarlane, before he went on to greater fame drawing Spider-Man and his creator-owned character Spawn.
That's the cover to All-Star Squadron Vol. 1, #4, by Rich Buckler (another former Marvel mainstay, probably most famous there for his stints penciling The Avengers, Fantastic Four -- where he drew many "swipes" of panels from old FF comics penciled by Jack Kirby, apparently at the direction of Marvel's editors -- and the Deathlok strip [which character he co-created, with writer Doug Moench] in Astonishing Tales) and former Charlton Comics honcho Dick Giordano, below:
The cover, like far too many superhero comic covers, is a bit of a cheat, as it doesn't precisely represent the events contained within the covers. Nonetheless, my first response to seeing it was one of amused disbelief.
Why? Well, all the costumed characters thumping one another are good guys. Now, that's no real surprise, since one of the top five plots of all superhero comics that have ever been published is to have the good guys whale the tar out of each other for awhile, whether because of a misunderstanding, they're being mind-controlled or otherwise coerced, or are trying to settle a personal grudge.
No, what prompted my bemused amusement was the rather ridiculous mismatch of power levels depicted here.
First, there's Superman. Okay, granted, Earth-Two's Superman isn't quite as powerful as "our" (Earth-One's) Superman, but still: he's Superman, hello? He's giving a flying (literally) drop-kick to the first Robotman, Dr. Robert Crane (no, not this guy, or even this guy); while Robotman #1 doesn't have a snowball's chance against Big Blue, even Earth-Two's Big Blue, this is the most even match-up on the cover.
Next there's the first Green Lantern, the one who was occasionally written by science fiction icon Alfred Bester (who may have come up with the oath that the Green Lanterns recite when charging their rings); he's been tweaked in DC's New 52 reboot to be a young gay man on Earth-Two, so comic geeks can just forget about his adult, superpowered children, Jade and Obsidian.
Alan Scott's Green Lantern, who, like all Green Lanterns, can use his magic wishing ring to create constructs of anything that they can imagine, and which are as strong as his willpower, has only one weakness: his ring's energy cannot affect anything made of wood. He's decking his chum, Dr. Mid-Nite (a.k.a., Dr. Charles McNider, who was blinded in an attack by mobsters, but who can see just fine in total darkness; therefore, to many fanboys, he's not the first truly blind superhero: Marvel's Daredevil is). So we have a 6', 5" tall man with a magic wishing ring whose only weakness is wood (*ahem*), using his magic whatsis to cold-cock his buddy, a blind guy who is a good athlete, but probably not as good as the tall drink of water with a magic wishing ring. (Dr. Mid-Nite doesn't even have his sometime animal sidekick, Hootie the owl, to run interference for him here.)
Then there's the half-powered Dr. Fate, with his helmet cut in half so that he's "only" nearly invulnerable, super-strong, and gifted with the power of flight (as opposed to being the DCU's premiere magic-user on Earth-Two at this time), ray-blasting (I think this was an error on the part of the artists...) Johnny Quick, a guy who can move really, really fast, though probably not quite as fast as even the first, Golden Age Flash (Jay Garrick), never mind the time-traveling, faster-than-light traveling Barry Allen and Wally West Flashes. (I'm not as familiar with the speed levels of Bart Allen's -- formerly Impulse -- Flash.) So here we have a mook who can slug it out with Superman squaring off against an athletic guy of normal strength who can move really, really fast.
We also have Wonder Woman -- who has been pretty consistently depicted as being powerful enough to make Superman work up a sweat if they duke it out (keep your minds out of the gutter, comic book nerds!) -- landing a right cross on Liberty Belle, an athletic news correspondent and early television reporter, who is a skilled gymnast and a fair fighter, and who gets just a little extra oomph if the actual Liberty Bell in Earth-Two's Philadelphia is rung. All things being equal, Liberty Belle shouldn't give Wonder Woman, even the non-flying first Wonder Woman, more than a few seconds' trouble.
In the upper left corner, we see Johnny Thunder's Badhnesian Thunderbolt -- later shown by hot-shot writer Grant Morrison to be a 5th Dimensional imp (see also Superman's pain in the neck, Mr. Mxyzptlk) during his run on JLA -- gut-punching the original Hawkman, Carter Hall. Now, Carter Hall was tough and brawnier than one would expect a winged guy (even a guy with artificial wings) to be, and he had a penchant to use various medieval-type weapons (as seen in the impressively-sized mace-and-chain topped with a morning star head he's wielding on the cover); but how the hell is he supposed to give a good account for himself against a magical being who can pretty much own anyone and anything in our pitiful 3rd Dimension (as long as his dimwitted master, the bow-tie-wearing Johnny Thunder, can think fast enough to tell him what to do)? Hawkman's best bet would be to knock out Johnny Thunder, but he's not even shown on the cover. (This must be artistic license, since JT wasn't normally smart enough to realize that he should get the hell out of the way when the superpowered grown-ups are throwing down.)
But the best -- the funniest, the most egregious fight card -- on this cover is the Spectre (the guy with white skin, a green hooded cloak, gloves, trunks and booties), who is ray-blasting the original Atom (Al Pratt), "the Mighty Mite," who, at this point in his career, was a shorter-than-average weight lifter-cum-boxer. (He would subsequently get amped up via retcon, in a subsequent issue of All-Star Squadron, by a dose of radiation.)
The Spectre is the wrath of God -- yes, the God: DC has been surprisingly, to this long-time, now recovering, Marvel Zombie, willing to use the Judeo-Christian supreme deity as an off-panel, though definite, character; in later years He is usually referred to as The Presence -- incarnate in the body of a slain NYC policeman named Jim Corrigan. The Spectre can punk Superman, be he the Superman of Earth-One or the Superman of Earth-Two. Hey, why not? Supes has a well-established weakness for magic and magically-derived, supernatural powers; plus the Spectre is, you know, The Wrath of God.
To reiterate: The Wrath of God, full-stop, is zapping a spunky, hot-headed boxer with a full hood, cape, and unitard.
Gee, I wonder who'll win??
Okay, okay, fine, comic book nerds: technically you could make the case that this Spectre wasn't the Wrath of God yet, not in this incarnation, at any rate. But he was still pretty close to being omnipotent, unless he was having a brain fart or something; he still could've quite handily mopped the floor with every single other character on this cover, including Big Blue, Green Lantern and the Thunderbolt (well, the Thunderbolt might give him some trouble, if Johnny Thunder could get an IQ bump-up), all by his little lonesome.
And yes, the big guns on the cover were in fact mind-controlled in this issue, as part of the Paul Levitz / Roy Thomas explanation as to why DC's Golden Age heroes (who, by the 1980s, included various characters from other comic book companies that DC had since absorbed into their roster, such as Plastic Man and the Human Bomb) couldn't beat the Axis powers (Germany, Italy, Japan) by themselves, thereby preventing much needless death and destruction (it has to do with the Spear of Destiny and the Holy Grail; seriously, unless you live, breathe and eat this guff, don't ask). Doubtless Thomas intended to use their mind-controlled state as a "get out of jail free" card for their lesser-powered friends: if they weren't mind-controlled, their reactions wouldn't be dulled; plus, subconsciously they were fighting against being controlled, blah-blah-bullshit.
But, still. Sending THE WRATH OF GOD after a short boxer, even a very, very good short boxer, is as good an example of super-powered douchebaggery as anything on the (apparently) late and lamented Superdickery website. (Although the curious can still look at its mirror site.)
Today I read Vol. 1, #4 (Dec. 1981) of All-Star Squadron, written by Roy Thomas (shortly after he left Marvel for DC for the first time); this is the comic that was set during World War II on DC's Earth-Two, which to my mind was more interesting than DC's "mainstream" Earth, or Earth-One, since the superheroes on Earth-Two actually aged, had families, trained successors, and died. (Well, at least before Crisis on Infinite Earths, DC's first mondo-mega, company-wide "event" that was DC's first major reboot.) Probably the most successful spin-off of All-Star Squadron (none dare call it "ASS"..?) was Infinity, Inc., whose middle issues featured the pencils of Todd McFarlane, before he went on to greater fame drawing Spider-Man and his creator-owned character Spawn.
That's the cover to All-Star Squadron Vol. 1, #4, by Rich Buckler (another former Marvel mainstay, probably most famous there for his stints penciling The Avengers, Fantastic Four -- where he drew many "swipes" of panels from old FF comics penciled by Jack Kirby, apparently at the direction of Marvel's editors -- and the Deathlok strip [which character he co-created, with writer Doug Moench] in Astonishing Tales) and former Charlton Comics honcho Dick Giordano, below:
The cover, like far too many superhero comic covers, is a bit of a cheat, as it doesn't precisely represent the events contained within the covers. Nonetheless, my first response to seeing it was one of amused disbelief.
Why? Well, all the costumed characters thumping one another are good guys. Now, that's no real surprise, since one of the top five plots of all superhero comics that have ever been published is to have the good guys whale the tar out of each other for awhile, whether because of a misunderstanding, they're being mind-controlled or otherwise coerced, or are trying to settle a personal grudge.
No, what prompted my bemused amusement was the rather ridiculous mismatch of power levels depicted here.
First, there's Superman. Okay, granted, Earth-Two's Superman isn't quite as powerful as "our" (Earth-One's) Superman, but still: he's Superman, hello? He's giving a flying (literally) drop-kick to the first Robotman, Dr. Robert Crane (no, not this guy, or even this guy); while Robotman #1 doesn't have a snowball's chance against Big Blue, even Earth-Two's Big Blue, this is the most even match-up on the cover.
Next there's the first Green Lantern, the one who was occasionally written by science fiction icon Alfred Bester (who may have come up with the oath that the Green Lanterns recite when charging their rings); he's been tweaked in DC's New 52 reboot to be a young gay man on Earth-Two, so comic geeks can just forget about his adult, superpowered children, Jade and Obsidian.
Alan Scott's Green Lantern, who, like all Green Lanterns, can use his magic wishing ring to create constructs of anything that they can imagine, and which are as strong as his willpower, has only one weakness: his ring's energy cannot affect anything made of wood. He's decking his chum, Dr. Mid-Nite (a.k.a., Dr. Charles McNider, who was blinded in an attack by mobsters, but who can see just fine in total darkness; therefore, to many fanboys, he's not the first truly blind superhero: Marvel's Daredevil is). So we have a 6', 5" tall man with a magic wishing ring whose only weakness is wood (*ahem*), using his magic whatsis to cold-cock his buddy, a blind guy who is a good athlete, but probably not as good as the tall drink of water with a magic wishing ring. (Dr. Mid-Nite doesn't even have his sometime animal sidekick, Hootie the owl, to run interference for him here.)
Then there's the half-powered Dr. Fate, with his helmet cut in half so that he's "only" nearly invulnerable, super-strong, and gifted with the power of flight (as opposed to being the DCU's premiere magic-user on Earth-Two at this time), ray-blasting (I think this was an error on the part of the artists...) Johnny Quick, a guy who can move really, really fast, though probably not quite as fast as even the first, Golden Age Flash (Jay Garrick), never mind the time-traveling, faster-than-light traveling Barry Allen and Wally West Flashes. (I'm not as familiar with the speed levels of Bart Allen's -- formerly Impulse -- Flash.) So here we have a mook who can slug it out with Superman squaring off against an athletic guy of normal strength who can move really, really fast.
We also have Wonder Woman -- who has been pretty consistently depicted as being powerful enough to make Superman work up a sweat if they duke it out (keep your minds out of the gutter, comic book nerds!) -- landing a right cross on Liberty Belle, an athletic news correspondent and early television reporter, who is a skilled gymnast and a fair fighter, and who gets just a little extra oomph if the actual Liberty Bell in Earth-Two's Philadelphia is rung. All things being equal, Liberty Belle shouldn't give Wonder Woman, even the non-flying first Wonder Woman, more than a few seconds' trouble.
In the upper left corner, we see Johnny Thunder's Badhnesian Thunderbolt -- later shown by hot-shot writer Grant Morrison to be a 5th Dimensional imp (see also Superman's pain in the neck, Mr. Mxyzptlk) during his run on JLA -- gut-punching the original Hawkman, Carter Hall. Now, Carter Hall was tough and brawnier than one would expect a winged guy (even a guy with artificial wings) to be, and he had a penchant to use various medieval-type weapons (as seen in the impressively-sized mace-and-chain topped with a morning star head he's wielding on the cover); but how the hell is he supposed to give a good account for himself against a magical being who can pretty much own anyone and anything in our pitiful 3rd Dimension (as long as his dimwitted master, the bow-tie-wearing Johnny Thunder, can think fast enough to tell him what to do)? Hawkman's best bet would be to knock out Johnny Thunder, but he's not even shown on the cover. (This must be artistic license, since JT wasn't normally smart enough to realize that he should get the hell out of the way when the superpowered grown-ups are throwing down.)
But the best -- the funniest, the most egregious fight card -- on this cover is the Spectre (the guy with white skin, a green hooded cloak, gloves, trunks and booties), who is ray-blasting the original Atom (Al Pratt), "the Mighty Mite," who, at this point in his career, was a shorter-than-average weight lifter-cum-boxer. (He would subsequently get amped up via retcon, in a subsequent issue of All-Star Squadron, by a dose of radiation.)
The Spectre is the wrath of God -- yes, the God: DC has been surprisingly, to this long-time, now recovering, Marvel Zombie, willing to use the Judeo-Christian supreme deity as an off-panel, though definite, character; in later years He is usually referred to as The Presence -- incarnate in the body of a slain NYC policeman named Jim Corrigan. The Spectre can punk Superman, be he the Superman of Earth-One or the Superman of Earth-Two. Hey, why not? Supes has a well-established weakness for magic and magically-derived, supernatural powers; plus the Spectre is, you know, The Wrath of God.
To reiterate: The Wrath of God, full-stop, is zapping a spunky, hot-headed boxer with a full hood, cape, and unitard.
Gee, I wonder who'll win??
Okay, okay, fine, comic book nerds: technically you could make the case that this Spectre wasn't the Wrath of God yet, not in this incarnation, at any rate. But he was still pretty close to being omnipotent, unless he was having a brain fart or something; he still could've quite handily mopped the floor with every single other character on this cover, including Big Blue, Green Lantern and the Thunderbolt (well, the Thunderbolt might give him some trouble, if Johnny Thunder could get an IQ bump-up), all by his little lonesome.
And yes, the big guns on the cover were in fact mind-controlled in this issue, as part of the Paul Levitz / Roy Thomas explanation as to why DC's Golden Age heroes (who, by the 1980s, included various characters from other comic book companies that DC had since absorbed into their roster, such as Plastic Man and the Human Bomb) couldn't beat the Axis powers (Germany, Italy, Japan) by themselves, thereby preventing much needless death and destruction (it has to do with the Spear of Destiny and the Holy Grail; seriously, unless you live, breathe and eat this guff, don't ask). Doubtless Thomas intended to use their mind-controlled state as a "get out of jail free" card for their lesser-powered friends: if they weren't mind-controlled, their reactions wouldn't be dulled; plus, subconsciously they were fighting against being controlled, blah-blah-bullshit.
But, still. Sending THE WRATH OF GOD after a short boxer, even a very, very good short boxer, is as good an example of super-powered douchebaggery as anything on the (apparently) late and lamented Superdickery website. (Although the curious can still look at its mirror site.)