They took my comic book geekery and made it even more ridiculous than it was in the first place.
Saw a news item the other day that made me gnash my teeth.
Given the financial success of the movie Iron Man, at least one sequel was a given. (My take on the movie? Well, short version, Robert Downey, Jr. was the only reason to see it -- and please, can we just agree that, whatever personal problems the man had in the past, he can still act better than most over-paid Hollywood stars who are thought to be able to "open" a movie? -- Jeff Bridges made for an even more comic bookish Obadiah Stane than Dennis O'Neil's original [who was something of a Bizarro World version of Lex Luthor], and the SPFX boys need to learn a thing or three about matching their CGI to live action, 'cause when Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper Potts was "running" from the [unnamed in the movie] Iron Monger, she wasn't even convincing as a woman urgently seeking a restroom, never mind someone running for her life from a maniac in a 12'-tall armored suit. And please: you're throwing the Iron Monger at us before the Titanium Man?? Iron Monger was a vapid, nearly one-off character [Captain America did fight some hack in the Iron Monger suit, for about two-and-a-half pages...]; Titanium Man was always Iron Man's pre-eminent [and gigantic] armored adversary, the one tin can man who consistently came closest to punching his ticket time and time again.) So bits and pieces regarding Iron Man 2 have been trickling out over the last few months.
The latest bits are really disquieting: Scarlett Johansson has been cast as the Russian spy/supervillain-turned-superhero the Black Widow.
Sure, she's eye candy, but she can't act her way out of a paper bag. I'm not sure if she'll be playing the original Black Widow (Natasha Romanova or, originally, Romanoff, widow of the first Red Guardian, former paramour of Hawkeye and Daredevil, leader of the short-lived Champions and eventual chairwoman of the Avengers during Bob Harras' tenure writing their mag) or the blonde one that Marvel Comics whipped up for its adults-only MAX line in the late 1990s/early 2000s (Yelena Belova). I'm hoping for the latter, as I've yet to read (refuse to read, actually...) anything with "Blondie" in it, and am less likely to pop a blood vessel at her back story being bent, folded, spindled and mutilated to fit into a "big tent" Hollywood movie. Still, I have a sinking feeling that Miz Scarlett will be playing a bastardized version of Madame Natasha. *sigh*
And Mickey Rourke, fresh from his triumph in The Wrestler, has been signed to play Whiplash? Really? Whiplash?!
Whiplash is one of those dorky villains (like Stilt-Man) that are fun -- in moderation -- because they have an offbeat costume and/or powers and they're relatively inept and free of any semblance of back-story or character development. Sure, Whiplash gave Iron Man trouble in his first appearance, but that was primarily because Iron Man's armor was running on fumes and he couldn't exactly call a time out to recharge it; Whiplash actually got away in his second appearance, but only after he torpedoed his civilian identity's (Mark Scott, née Scarlotti) chances at a promotion at one of Tony Stark's plants and 86'ed his engagement to the plant's manager: he was little more than comic relief from then on, usually with some other lame-os (most often the Melter and Blizzard, but he even teamed with the Man-Bull -- the Man-Bull! -- in his third sortie against IM, where they tried to heist the San Diego Comic Convention), until he revamped his costume and weaponry under the aegis of David Michelinie and Bob Layton, and changed his name to Blacklash. (That's him below.)
In other words, they didn't even sign Rourke to play an interesting villain; he could probably play Whiplash with his eyes closed. And he probably will.
Say, here's a wild thought: rather than trying to jam Mickey Rourke into a canonical-but-horribly-altered-for-the-movies character (the first or second Crimson Dynamo, or even the Titanium Man, perhaps? it would make more sense than Whiplash, since you're introducing the Black Widow...), why not have him play a totally new character for your movie? The Battlin' Bullpen knows that Marvel Comics movies bear precious little resemblance to Marvel Comics comics (and Marvel Comics post the "Onslaught" and "Heroes Reborn" crossovers bear precious little resemblance to the comics that I know and love and grew up on...), so why the heck not? Surprise all of us fanboys by showing that Hollywood can occasionally produce a good script.
Who knows? If you do a good enough job, you might even make us believe, for a couple of hours, that we're watching a cable TV show on a really kickin' entertainment system.....
Given the financial success of the movie Iron Man, at least one sequel was a given. (My take on the movie? Well, short version, Robert Downey, Jr. was the only reason to see it -- and please, can we just agree that, whatever personal problems the man had in the past, he can still act better than most over-paid Hollywood stars who are thought to be able to "open" a movie? -- Jeff Bridges made for an even more comic bookish Obadiah Stane than Dennis O'Neil's original [who was something of a Bizarro World version of Lex Luthor], and the SPFX boys need to learn a thing or three about matching their CGI to live action, 'cause when Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper Potts was "running" from the [unnamed in the movie] Iron Monger, she wasn't even convincing as a woman urgently seeking a restroom, never mind someone running for her life from a maniac in a 12'-tall armored suit. And please: you're throwing the Iron Monger at us before the Titanium Man?? Iron Monger was a vapid, nearly one-off character [Captain America did fight some hack in the Iron Monger suit, for about two-and-a-half pages...]; Titanium Man was always Iron Man's pre-eminent [and gigantic] armored adversary, the one tin can man who consistently came closest to punching his ticket time and time again.) So bits and pieces regarding Iron Man 2 have been trickling out over the last few months.
The latest bits are really disquieting: Scarlett Johansson has been cast as the Russian spy/supervillain-turned-superhero the Black Widow.
Sure, she's eye candy, but she can't act her way out of a paper bag. I'm not sure if she'll be playing the original Black Widow (Natasha Romanova or, originally, Romanoff, widow of the first Red Guardian, former paramour of Hawkeye and Daredevil, leader of the short-lived Champions and eventual chairwoman of the Avengers during Bob Harras' tenure writing their mag) or the blonde one that Marvel Comics whipped up for its adults-only MAX line in the late 1990s/early 2000s (Yelena Belova). I'm hoping for the latter, as I've yet to read (refuse to read, actually...) anything with "Blondie" in it, and am less likely to pop a blood vessel at her back story being bent, folded, spindled and mutilated to fit into a "big tent" Hollywood movie. Still, I have a sinking feeling that Miz Scarlett will be playing a bastardized version of Madame Natasha. *sigh*
And Mickey Rourke, fresh from his triumph in The Wrestler, has been signed to play Whiplash? Really? Whiplash?!
Whiplash is one of those dorky villains (like Stilt-Man) that are fun -- in moderation -- because they have an offbeat costume and/or powers and they're relatively inept and free of any semblance of back-story or character development. Sure, Whiplash gave Iron Man trouble in his first appearance, but that was primarily because Iron Man's armor was running on fumes and he couldn't exactly call a time out to recharge it; Whiplash actually got away in his second appearance, but only after he torpedoed his civilian identity's (Mark Scott, née Scarlotti) chances at a promotion at one of Tony Stark's plants and 86'ed his engagement to the plant's manager: he was little more than comic relief from then on, usually with some other lame-os (most often the Melter and Blizzard, but he even teamed with the Man-Bull -- the Man-Bull! -- in his third sortie against IM, where they tried to heist the San Diego Comic Convention), until he revamped his costume and weaponry under the aegis of David Michelinie and Bob Layton, and changed his name to Blacklash. (That's him below.)
In other words, they didn't even sign Rourke to play an interesting villain; he could probably play Whiplash with his eyes closed. And he probably will.
Say, here's a wild thought: rather than trying to jam Mickey Rourke into a canonical-but-horribly-altered-for-the-movies character (the first or second Crimson Dynamo, or even the Titanium Man, perhaps? it would make more sense than Whiplash, since you're introducing the Black Widow...), why not have him play a totally new character for your movie? The Battlin' Bullpen knows that Marvel Comics movies bear precious little resemblance to Marvel Comics comics (and Marvel Comics post the "Onslaught" and "Heroes Reborn" crossovers bear precious little resemblance to the comics that I know and love and grew up on...), so why the heck not? Surprise all of us fanboys by showing that Hollywood can occasionally produce a good script.
Who knows? If you do a good enough job, you might even make us believe, for a couple of hours, that we're watching a cable TV show on a really kickin' entertainment system.....