(no subject)
Have you ever had one of those moments where you're out somewhere, say a coffee shop, and for some unknown reason you start to twitch. I'm not talking about a little spasmolytic psychosomatic twitch. It's the moment where your visual filter suddenly starts to shake, your throat constricts, tightening on a bile-like mixture of revulsion and just barely controlled rage. Think really hard about old grunge and alternative music videos where they shake the camera to make it seem more dramatic. Suddenly you hate everyone in the room, you hate the birds in the trees, you hate the double decaff skinny mocha lady sitting next to you in her Gucci pants, you even hate the molding, kitties (well maybe not kitties), and the kitchy little frilly coffee shop do-dads at the counter, and it's like being an angsty teenager again. There is even an insolent spot on the ceiling that mocks you. Only this time you seriously have the impulse to smear puppies and small children all over the pavement. So out of fear of legal repercussions (or more as a result of your own cowardice and impotence) you squish caterpillars in an infantile rage while riding your bicycle self righteously and glaring balefully at SUVs imagining that you look fierce and menacing (because trust me it's so easy to look menacing on a bicycle, just ride like a belligerent drunk).
So why this sudden angsty explosion of rage all over the coffee shop's simple yet tasteful interior? Is it because you're jealous of all the happy healthy upwardly mobile middle class individuals who merrily sip drinks while checking their stocks and chatting on their cell phones? Is it because the underweight teenager sitting next to your is popping her gum too loudly? Is your rage directed at the corporate coffee house that is exacerbating the complacency and apathy of America?
Or is it because you realize that while contemplating all these lofty ideals, not only are you just like all the other fuck heads in the coffee shop, you are really wasting valuable time bullshitting when you should be working.
*No I wasn't in a coffee shop today* Caffeine is bad children, you shouldn't do drugs. They make you want to kill puppies and squish caterpillars. Be a good American and get your ass back to work.
On a side note though I confess: I took malicious child-like glee in squishing caterpillars today. There is a place reserved for me in the special hell next to child molesters and people who talk in movies. Oh yes, and the buddhist in me cringes, but the little existentialist that dwells in the dark places of my brain is going a happy little jig. Did I mention that caffeine makes me insane? FUCK YOU COFFEE SHOP SLUTS!!!
Okay the bitchfest is over. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.
So why this sudden angsty explosion of rage all over the coffee shop's simple yet tasteful interior? Is it because you're jealous of all the happy healthy upwardly mobile middle class individuals who merrily sip drinks while checking their stocks and chatting on their cell phones? Is it because the underweight teenager sitting next to your is popping her gum too loudly? Is your rage directed at the corporate coffee house that is exacerbating the complacency and apathy of America?
Or is it because you realize that while contemplating all these lofty ideals, not only are you just like all the other fuck heads in the coffee shop, you are really wasting valuable time bullshitting when you should be working.
*No I wasn't in a coffee shop today* Caffeine is bad children, you shouldn't do drugs. They make you want to kill puppies and squish caterpillars. Be a good American and get your ass back to work.
On a side note though I confess: I took malicious child-like glee in squishing caterpillars today. There is a place reserved for me in the special hell next to child molesters and people who talk in movies. Oh yes, and the buddhist in me cringes, but the little existentialist that dwells in the dark places of my brain is going a happy little jig. Did I mention that caffeine makes me insane? FUCK YOU COFFEE SHOP SLUTS!!!
Okay the bitchfest is over. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.