finagling Brooklyn women
I am moving to Los Angeles for a while, and my travel cost less than four-hundred dollars. I'm really impressed, which is why I want to brag about it.
...but talking about money like that is very crass. I learned this lesson today from the lady who bought (and returned) my vacuum. A little about the vacuum purchase:
Before she showed up I cleaned it out, and set it up downstairs so nobody would tow or ticket her car while she picked it up. My vacuum is less than a year old, wonderful, and I am selling it for $20 because I don't want to deal with anybody's shit.
When she shows up she starts chit-chatting about parking and towing, and wants me to plug in the vacuum. I have to take it upstairs for her. I plug it in and turn it on-- it works! Twenty-dollars! Wrong. She wanted to see it pick up the cat hair on my carpet. I let her, but this means the vacuum is dirty again.
She won't take the vacuum until she sees how it is cleaned, which I explain simply. She won't leave until she cleans my vacuum. She gets all the wrong parts wet (the filter) and starts fussing me because I don't use paper towels in my house. She wants Q-tips to clean things out. Saying "no" to everything doesn't rush her out, and she starts telling me how this vacuum is for a tenant in a studio apartment she is renting. She starts telling me that her husband won't clean a vacuum in the normal trash, because the incinerator would be ruined by it. All of these neuroses are terrifying, and she puts the vacuum together wrong so I have to fix it (it's so simple) and she wants me to walk her out because she doesn't trust my stairs.
Five minutes after she leaves she calls me to tell me "something that will make [me] laugh." While she was walking out the door she started nosing around my landlord, asking him if he is renting my apartment out in September and so forth. She's a property manager! She will help him out, manage the rental and put it up on Craigslist for him! How grand! She asks him rent and he says, "$2,000."
She asks me, "$2,000! What do you think of that?"
I say, "Uh, I don't know? I don't think anything of that?"
"No, really. What do you think. Tell me! What do you think of that! Tell me how does that sound to you? What do you pay? You have to know what you pay!" I try to dance around and say I don't sign the lease, and my portion isn't that high. "But you must know what your roommates pay and you must have an opinion on that price! It's high! Isn't it high? People are just so greedy." Sure are, I agree.
"Soon as I left your steps know what happened when I was holding onto the vacuum? A man comes up to me and tells me he'll take the vacuum! He didn't want to pay me for it! Can you believe it?! He says it's for his elderly wife and she can't move and can't pay me the twenty dollars I paid for it! People are so greedy, they want something for nothing!"
I agree again, and casually laugh that it is the lesson I learned trying to sell my things on CraigsList before my move. She laughs some more, and God-blesses me and tells me if I don't sell my blue chair she might want it. I tell her I sold it and she says, "Congratulations! Good for you! Really good! God bless, it was nice meeting you!"
When she hangs up I am exhausted. I shower a well-earned shower. It's the first shower I've had alone in a while, and perfect for all that girly-stuff like exfoliating and shaving and using the massage head anywhere I want to.
I had planned to spend the next few hours before Lois came home naked on towels and in front of fans, but the door bell is rung. Twice. Three times. My landlord's doorbell is rung. I rush downstairs. the vacuum lady is opening my door and my landlord looks murderous.
"My tenant can't hold this vacuum! It's too heavy! She's old and she can't push it and it's too complicated. Would you mind trading it back for my twenty?"
I give her the $20 back, because I want her out of my fucking house.
Earlier a woman bought my TV for $22 because I wanted her out of my fucking house. The TV was posted for $40, she talked me down to $30 on the phone and when she got her she said she didn't understand the photo I posted and only wanted to give me $25 but she didn't have any money on her, and her son only had $22. Her son would go to the ATM for her, and she'd stay here with me and my "gorgeous beautiful cat-- I had one like him he died recently and I miss him and I love your cat."
Get out of my house.
Before the vacuum lady left she left me with this reassurance: "I cleaned the vacuum up for you, too. It's immaculate now. It's so immaculate you shouldn't have a problem selling it."
...but talking about money like that is very crass. I learned this lesson today from the lady who bought (and returned) my vacuum. A little about the vacuum purchase:
Before she showed up I cleaned it out, and set it up downstairs so nobody would tow or ticket her car while she picked it up. My vacuum is less than a year old, wonderful, and I am selling it for $20 because I don't want to deal with anybody's shit.
When she shows up she starts chit-chatting about parking and towing, and wants me to plug in the vacuum. I have to take it upstairs for her. I plug it in and turn it on-- it works! Twenty-dollars! Wrong. She wanted to see it pick up the cat hair on my carpet. I let her, but this means the vacuum is dirty again.
She won't take the vacuum until she sees how it is cleaned, which I explain simply. She won't leave until she cleans my vacuum. She gets all the wrong parts wet (the filter) and starts fussing me because I don't use paper towels in my house. She wants Q-tips to clean things out. Saying "no" to everything doesn't rush her out, and she starts telling me how this vacuum is for a tenant in a studio apartment she is renting. She starts telling me that her husband won't clean a vacuum in the normal trash, because the incinerator would be ruined by it. All of these neuroses are terrifying, and she puts the vacuum together wrong so I have to fix it (it's so simple) and she wants me to walk her out because she doesn't trust my stairs.
Five minutes after she leaves she calls me to tell me "something that will make [me] laugh." While she was walking out the door she started nosing around my landlord, asking him if he is renting my apartment out in September and so forth. She's a property manager! She will help him out, manage the rental and put it up on Craigslist for him! How grand! She asks him rent and he says, "$2,000."
She asks me, "$2,000! What do you think of that?"
I say, "Uh, I don't know? I don't think anything of that?"
"No, really. What do you think. Tell me! What do you think of that! Tell me how does that sound to you? What do you pay? You have to know what you pay!" I try to dance around and say I don't sign the lease, and my portion isn't that high. "But you must know what your roommates pay and you must have an opinion on that price! It's high! Isn't it high? People are just so greedy." Sure are, I agree.
"Soon as I left your steps know what happened when I was holding onto the vacuum? A man comes up to me and tells me he'll take the vacuum! He didn't want to pay me for it! Can you believe it?! He says it's for his elderly wife and she can't move and can't pay me the twenty dollars I paid for it! People are so greedy, they want something for nothing!"
I agree again, and casually laugh that it is the lesson I learned trying to sell my things on CraigsList before my move. She laughs some more, and God-blesses me and tells me if I don't sell my blue chair she might want it. I tell her I sold it and she says, "Congratulations! Good for you! Really good! God bless, it was nice meeting you!"
When she hangs up I am exhausted. I shower a well-earned shower. It's the first shower I've had alone in a while, and perfect for all that girly-stuff like exfoliating and shaving and using the massage head anywhere I want to.
I had planned to spend the next few hours before Lois came home naked on towels and in front of fans, but the door bell is rung. Twice. Three times. My landlord's doorbell is rung. I rush downstairs. the vacuum lady is opening my door and my landlord looks murderous.
"My tenant can't hold this vacuum! It's too heavy! She's old and she can't push it and it's too complicated. Would you mind trading it back for my twenty?"
I give her the $20 back, because I want her out of my fucking house.
Earlier a woman bought my TV for $22 because I wanted her out of my fucking house. The TV was posted for $40, she talked me down to $30 on the phone and when she got her she said she didn't understand the photo I posted and only wanted to give me $25 but she didn't have any money on her, and her son only had $22. Her son would go to the ATM for her, and she'd stay here with me and my "gorgeous beautiful cat-- I had one like him he died recently and I miss him and I love your cat."
Get out of my house.
Before the vacuum lady left she left me with this reassurance: "I cleaned the vacuum up for you, too. It's immaculate now. It's so immaculate you shouldn't have a problem selling it."