Free Sale
Today I tried to throw a "Free Sale" giveaway of all my crap: the Fly Kids VHS; some old hoodies; a yoga mat destroyed by the humidity of this damn town; crap; crap; crap! So, I put the ad up on Craigslist! (http://savannah.craigslist.org/zip/1185890242.html)
"Free" brings out all the squalid, trashy people I despise. If I ever want to have contact with people I can not hate more, all I have to do is attach the word "free." (I should have learned this lesson when I tried to give away fabric scraps, and only thieves and housewives contacted me but never came to pick 'em up. Fuck no.)
I planned to make this A+ fabulous with Bloody Marys on my spiral staircase. The V.I.P.s and I would shout at and judge people. Unfortunately, my friends didn't have time to hang, and I had a rotten headache. David or I had to make rotten small talk. I had to watch rotten people take armfuls of things I didn't mean to give away. I threw away the remaining rotten crap and mopped my rotten floor, but the people with the armfuls of rotten stuff were the ones that had the rotten day.
Top Ten E-mail Responses For The Free Sale:
10. "Hey. Lookin 4 da address 4 da stuff."
09. "Im interested in directions!!!! I love yard sales ... but not in a dorky way lol "
08. "Whar be de garage sale yar"
07. "hey were a cool family of 3. and we love free stuff!"
06. "what types of things will you have there? i'd be driving from hinesville so i wanted to make sure i wasn't driving fror no reason lol.thanks!"
05. "my mother is a very kind person she in savannah can u call her
she need those things ***-***-**** mrs harvey"
04. "... I'd love to come get some free stuff. I have three teenage daughters, a husband who just got laid off, and can funny teacher stories..."
03. "Hi, we are going out the door right now to head over to savannah...So I was wondering if
you could call us with addy? Please...? Thanks so much for your time..!! :) See ya soon!
***-***-**** Thanks again!!"
02. "ARE YOU STILL THERE MY MOM SAYS SHE IS THERE BUT EVERYTHING IS SHUT TIGH"
01. "Yes my name is Margaret Page I am intrested in your stuff can you send me the address I am 7 months pregnant and a single mom and moving in to my new place and I have nothing I am very intrested you can also call me at ***-***-**** thank you."
Oh, what a sorry situation! I have fabric scraps in the trash if you want. I also threw out a lot of small stuff if you want something for your baby to play with-- put in it's mouth or something. Easy fix your problem, right?
"Free" brings out all the squalid, trashy people I despise. If I ever want to have contact with people I can not hate more, all I have to do is attach the word "free." (I should have learned this lesson when I tried to give away fabric scraps, and only thieves and housewives contacted me but never came to pick 'em up. Fuck no.)
I planned to make this A+ fabulous with Bloody Marys on my spiral staircase. The V.I.P.s and I would shout at and judge people. Unfortunately, my friends didn't have time to hang, and I had a rotten headache. David or I had to make rotten small talk. I had to watch rotten people take armfuls of things I didn't mean to give away. I threw away the remaining rotten crap and mopped my rotten floor, but the people with the armfuls of rotten stuff were the ones that had the rotten day.
Top Ten E-mail Responses For The Free Sale:
10. "Hey. Lookin 4 da address 4 da stuff."
09. "Im interested in directions!!!! I love yard sales ... but not in a dorky way lol "
08. "Whar be de garage sale yar"
07. "hey were a cool family of 3. and we love free stuff!"
06. "what types of things will you have there? i'd be driving from hinesville so i wanted to make sure i wasn't driving fror no reason lol.thanks!"
05. "my mother is a very kind person she in savannah can u call her
she need those things ***-***-**** mrs harvey"
04. "... I'd love to come get some free stuff. I have three teenage daughters, a husband who just got laid off, and can funny teacher stories..."
03. "Hi, we are going out the door right now to head over to savannah...So I was wondering if
you could call us with addy? Please...? Thanks so much for your time..!! :) See ya soon!
***-***-**** Thanks again!!"
02. "ARE YOU STILL THERE MY MOM SAYS SHE IS THERE BUT EVERYTHING IS SHUT TIGH"
01. "Yes my name is Margaret Page I am intrested in your stuff can you send me the address I am 7 months pregnant and a single mom and moving in to my new place and I have nothing I am very intrested you can also call me at ***-***-**** thank you."
Oh, what a sorry situation! I have fabric scraps in the trash if you want. I also threw out a lot of small stuff if you want something for your baby to play with-- put in it's mouth or something. Easy fix your problem, right?