once upon a time i was falling in love
now i'm only falling apart
in fond memory of the AP outlines that never came this weekend...
I. The Fall of Friday
1. the highlights
a) Physics lab where Le and i were funny
b) Mike's soccer game... FPM kicked ass, Mike scored, and he's amazing
c) the adorable little boy at the game that i wanted to take home
2. the turning points
a) Gram. enough said, it's all ok now...
b) 7:30. or maybe 7:15 if we count anticipating the fall as miserable which it was. i'll keep it simple because, as i told phil, a LJ isn't the place where you post the world... basically i'm fucking up what i always said i wanted, and for all my internal conflicts i think i just set a new record of confusion. broken hearts are part of life, as you used to say.
3. when you want it the most, there's no easy out- when you're ready to go, and your heart's left in doubt...
II. The Realization
1. Kerry's party
a) good party, bad mind set.
b) Thing one and Thing two was the cutest idea
c) my hair was blue. ugh.
d) the bathroom, losing another part of myself that i kinda needed, the phone call (irrational ANYBODY???) and then the non-breathing-induced panic that followed
2. and the end of my youth was the possible truth that it all happens randomly
3. Calming Down
a) mom has joined the team. Please welcome our ever-amazing goalie
b) soccer is the highlight of my life and i could kick that ball forever
c) falling asleep in someone else's arms. sometimes people are just trying to be what you need. sometimes you just have to let them.
III. Nobody Has Best Friends Like i Do
1. Friday night
a) crying in Shall We Dance
b) wanting a guy who can dance like Richard Gere. yes, i think i just said i wanted Richard Gere. my life should be over with that comment.
c) LOTS OF FOOD. nothing makes you feel better like more love than you meant to eat (lol kate i follow the new rules)
2. Sunday Afternoon
a) some people just get it. some don't. i guess i'm lucky... Lena and Erica, i really needed that one. more than maybe even you realized.
3. Gym on Monday
a) Nic and Er, i apologize for my much called for irrationality. ::insert breakdown here::
IV. Hofstra
1. i had a hot date ;) haha who got to watch me freak out about hot chocolate on my uniform. wait till you see a real breakdown, babe... that was nothing.
2. My whole fan club came
a) and screamed
b) and made signs
c) and loved me
d) and made me feel really really important which was a nice change of pace for the week
3. Kate came home to watch me make a fool of myself in a plume (see above for details)
a) we had a nice catching up after
4. my band makes me so fucking proud on very rare occassions
5. Christina and Tracy... it's been amazing. from the first day of camp to now, i don't regret even the crappy parts and there isn't anybody i would have rather shared them with than you. i'm so proud of you both.
6. they announced my name at hofstra. in front of everyone. because i am the junior drum majorette. and i can honestly tell you that the glow wasn't just external...
V. The Lighter Side ((for those of you that catch the reference... talk about old school novel lmao))
1. Me: At first i thought it was because everyone had the same problems as me.
Lena: No. There would be mass suicide if everyone had the same problems as you."
2. Tiff: We had to run the mile and I had on a regular bra and I thought my boobs would go right through my face.
3. Frankie: I'm coming to the party, so it looks like this your last chance for plan B: tell people you moved to a different place because they are unexpectedly coming. I got a pity invitation and the pity it- I'm coming!!
4. Choir today. Erica and i. laughing. terribly hard. at someone.
5. ((so i've been told via kate)) Ed: we lost her!
Kate: maybe she turned sideways?
6. Erica: It's like the forbidden fruit.
Me: Yea. Now that he's forbidden... Yum-- fruit!
that's it, lata kidz... comment on my life. i love. too hard.
every now and then i get a little bit terrified but then i see the look in your eyes
every now and then i fall apart...