I seem to keep abandoning you, LJ.
I don't really mean to, but life is really getting in the way.
We start off with computer trouble: windows keeps rebooting over and over, and I went from angry to frustrated to incredulous to "let me get my handy computer guy on Facebook," while staring at it for ten reboots.
My grandmother, the one with arteriosclerosis, is getting worse by the minute. I got a call from her caretaker for birthday wishes, and my grandmother barely knew who I was. My mother is destroyed over it. I can tell from her voice when she calls me, how she looks at her mother when I get to see them together. It just doesn't make sense: how can this illness make you forget about people you've loved dearly all your life? It hurts.
Ivan's mother is dying. There are no other words for it. We spent the weekend at the hospital, and we've been there every day since. Yesterday, my boyfriend decided to do some personal growing up and went in to see her in the ICU for the first time since Saturday, after three days of utter and complete refusal to. I'd promised I would have gone in with him in case he changed his mind. He did and I did and yeah. She's currently in a coma, machines and needles and tubes and a respirator. The chemo did this, by giving her marrow toxicity, which allowed an infection to spread and send her body in septic shock.
There's been so much pain and suffering this year, can it stop now?
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