Come on and get up off of your knees...
...When life's a bitter pill to swallow, you gotta stand up for what you believe.
So, when I'm not trying to figure out my current relationship clusterfuck (cause it's a clusterfuck, not a relationship, that seemingly works out in very strange ways but is not what I signed up for when I got the form) I'm usually trying to do my best at work.
Only, every once in a while something goes wrong. I get it. I'm not one of those perfectly consistent people who can separate personal and professional aspects of their lives. I so suck at it that my real-life has often bled into my teaching, and vice versa.
During the 2010-that-should-never-have-been I crushed on and flirted with one of my students, and had a fling with another. The first came to nothing, the other got so out of hand it reduced my relationship with M. to dust and my self-worth to nothing. I didn't cheat on him with G., but I never really told him about him being in my class and seeing him every week, and the dishonesty hurt us both. But I couldn't tell him at the beginning, and then it got too late to, and...yeah. Never again with a student. It's just not worth it.
When M. decided to call it quits with me, I talked to one of my classes who turned out to be extremely understanding about not being on my game on that particular week. One of my other students, C., saw me going through that break-up and then meeting Ivan and subsequently falling in love with him. It's also reciprocal: I know everything about C., who has just moved in with his girlfriend, or about E., who got divorced because she was being cheated on.
In 2008 I had a student, L., recuse me because I was too tired (I was, she was right) and subsequently two because I was too young (I wasn't, they were just old-fashioned).
Last year I taught a class who didn't like me, and whom I didn't like back. We reciprocally wanted things we couldn't give, and at the end of the school year we sort of gave up on each other: I didn't want them, and they didn't want me.
This year, after coming home from Colchester, I got handed another off-site class, all the way on the other side of Milan again. I went in with the best intentions, but psychologically I wasn't happy, and it showed. Economically, it was more of a break-even than a gain, since I wasn't taking on enough hours to compensate for the off-site gig. Not to mention my headspace: I hadn't seen my immediate family in almost two months and my friends in one, my relationship was under terrible strain, I had absolutely no money to my name. When my handler told me she was going to take them away from me because they'd complained about me, I heaved a sigh of relief.
I've also asked not be sent off-site unless it's close to home. I'm tired of traveling off-site. I've been doing this since may 2010. For a few months I was averaging 250 km a week. It's very rewarding, but time and energy consuming. It's hours of my days and wear and tear for my car that could be better put to use to other ends.
Some stuff is going well: I just ended a shared course with a 22 year old tennis instructor. I have three students and there should be more coming in, but...the economy is what it is, requests are low. Some people are waiting for the new year, others to have more free time.
Today, by the way, I'm sick. *sigh* I mean, really. I don't want to think about how the universe might decide to amuse itself with me.
But at least Francesca loves me. She's been texting me all day, asking how I am and what I'm doing, since I can't speak.
So, when I'm not trying to figure out my current relationship clusterfuck (cause it's a clusterfuck, not a relationship, that seemingly works out in very strange ways but is not what I signed up for when I got the form) I'm usually trying to do my best at work.
Only, every once in a while something goes wrong. I get it. I'm not one of those perfectly consistent people who can separate personal and professional aspects of their lives. I so suck at it that my real-life has often bled into my teaching, and vice versa.
During the 2010-that-should-never-have-been I crushed on and flirted with one of my students, and had a fling with another. The first came to nothing, the other got so out of hand it reduced my relationship with M. to dust and my self-worth to nothing. I didn't cheat on him with G., but I never really told him about him being in my class and seeing him every week, and the dishonesty hurt us both. But I couldn't tell him at the beginning, and then it got too late to, and...yeah. Never again with a student. It's just not worth it.
When M. decided to call it quits with me, I talked to one of my classes who turned out to be extremely understanding about not being on my game on that particular week. One of my other students, C., saw me going through that break-up and then meeting Ivan and subsequently falling in love with him. It's also reciprocal: I know everything about C., who has just moved in with his girlfriend, or about E., who got divorced because she was being cheated on.
In 2008 I had a student, L., recuse me because I was too tired (I was, she was right) and subsequently two because I was too young (I wasn't, they were just old-fashioned).
Last year I taught a class who didn't like me, and whom I didn't like back. We reciprocally wanted things we couldn't give, and at the end of the school year we sort of gave up on each other: I didn't want them, and they didn't want me.
This year, after coming home from Colchester, I got handed another off-site class, all the way on the other side of Milan again. I went in with the best intentions, but psychologically I wasn't happy, and it showed. Economically, it was more of a break-even than a gain, since I wasn't taking on enough hours to compensate for the off-site gig. Not to mention my headspace: I hadn't seen my immediate family in almost two months and my friends in one, my relationship was under terrible strain, I had absolutely no money to my name. When my handler told me she was going to take them away from me because they'd complained about me, I heaved a sigh of relief.
I've also asked not be sent off-site unless it's close to home. I'm tired of traveling off-site. I've been doing this since may 2010. For a few months I was averaging 250 km a week. It's very rewarding, but time and energy consuming. It's hours of my days and wear and tear for my car that could be better put to use to other ends.
Some stuff is going well: I just ended a shared course with a 22 year old tennis instructor. I have three students and there should be more coming in, but...the economy is what it is, requests are low. Some people are waiting for the new year, others to have more free time.
Today, by the way, I'm sick. *sigh* I mean, really. I don't want to think about how the universe might decide to amuse itself with me.
But at least Francesca loves me. She's been texting me all day, asking how I am and what I'm doing, since I can't speak.