The Speed of Light
After my recent experience, I do not want to do drugs... however, I would really like it if I could try speed. Right now I am on a serious caffeine high (I do not know what they put in the chai at Naropa) but I like feeling that I am moving at C. I love that feeling. It is the opposite of mindful abiding, and it is so good. At this rate I guess I'll never get out of Samsara. Feeling like this, though, I don't give a damn. It is so nice to have energy instead of the constant lethargy that I live in. Until I have the courage to try meth, I suppose I will have to make due with caffeine- I am going out right now to get no-doze. I figure, what the hell? I got a whole hell of a lot of stuff to do this weekend.
I had a great conversation (almost said dialogue, yikes!) with 'Tyle'r today (I am writing his name so that I remember it). We discussed many things, but what sticks in my mind is the absence of the trickster god in out culture. The trickster god is opposite to enlightenment, but, then again, beat poetry is too. Abuse of substances, wild living, etc. are the forbidden- the trickster influence in all of us. But we try to repress it. We have taken the Bastard out of the Devil. We've taken the Bastard out of God. Read Job and tell me that God isn't a bastard? Much closer to Odin than Jesus' 'Father.'
Well, my personal beleive system is based on an all-loving, all-forgiving God. Yet I am inexplicably drawn to Odin and Loki. The dichotomy in myself that was so expertly shown in my last therapy session. I am Scorpio, no wonder I see myself as the creator and the destroyer. (Pardon my giant bloated head.)
So, yes, Ash, I am a horrible person for being a humanist when there are starving children in the world; But then again, I'm not the one that left a tripping friend hysterically crying to go to a concert after I was the one that got her so stoned that she couldnt even form the thought "I am." I fucking could have killed myself, and almost did a few times. You left me in a world of infinite despair with lots of sharp objects. But I am the evil one, aren't I?
What the fuck did you give me?
Enough of that rant, eh?
Here are Steve Merrit's observations:
I cry because it looks so good- I cry, why not, its free- There's nothing more interesting then crying constantly
Alright, this entry is now officially off limits to my parents and most of my friends, for that matter. I feel a double-o-seven moment coming on- I could tell them about this, but then I would have to kill them. They must never know that I am not the Angel.
I had a great conversation (almost said dialogue, yikes!) with 'Tyle'r today (I am writing his name so that I remember it). We discussed many things, but what sticks in my mind is the absence of the trickster god in out culture. The trickster god is opposite to enlightenment, but, then again, beat poetry is too. Abuse of substances, wild living, etc. are the forbidden- the trickster influence in all of us. But we try to repress it. We have taken the Bastard out of the Devil. We've taken the Bastard out of God. Read Job and tell me that God isn't a bastard? Much closer to Odin than Jesus' 'Father.'
Well, my personal beleive system is based on an all-loving, all-forgiving God. Yet I am inexplicably drawn to Odin and Loki. The dichotomy in myself that was so expertly shown in my last therapy session. I am Scorpio, no wonder I see myself as the creator and the destroyer. (Pardon my giant bloated head.)
So, yes, Ash, I am a horrible person for being a humanist when there are starving children in the world; But then again, I'm not the one that left a tripping friend hysterically crying to go to a concert after I was the one that got her so stoned that she couldnt even form the thought "I am." I fucking could have killed myself, and almost did a few times. You left me in a world of infinite despair with lots of sharp objects. But I am the evil one, aren't I?
What the fuck did you give me?
Enough of that rant, eh?
Here are Steve Merrit's observations:
I cry because it looks so good- I cry, why not, its free- There's nothing more interesting then crying constantly
Alright, this entry is now officially off limits to my parents and most of my friends, for that matter. I feel a double-o-seven moment coming on- I could tell them about this, but then I would have to kill them. They must never know that I am not the Angel.