It will never change...
life seems so repetitive. I want something new, something exciting, something different! report cards came out today.. straight As.. again, and the sad part is, I can't manage to get lower just because I won't let myself--no matter how hard i try to "not care." oh well..
i never thought things in my life would be perfect, not after the way it started, not after everything i've been through in the past 5 or 6 years, but i was hoping it would get close. i was so happy when my mom said we were gonna move back with my dad. I hate living here, its so awkward, and Annette starts the stupidest fights, and my mom hates it here too. i really thought my dad was shaping up and really wanting to take interest in me for once. i guess i was wrong. not only is he taking pills now, but he started drinking again. he checked into rehab today, but i honestly dont think it will do him very much good. i watched him almost have a heart attack on sunday, and he was crying and holding onto my hand and telling me how proud of me he was, in between his gasps for air and biting his tounge because he was so drunk he couldnt figure out how to talk. my mom cant trust him. its not safe for us with him, and my sisters are taking it even worse than me. im desensitized to most of i guess. ive watched him be arrested, hold his gun to my moms head, threaten to kill himself, my mom, my grandpa, kidnap my sister. all i can do is hope for the best... no matter what happens, i know my mom needs me the most, and im gonna be there for her. she is who made me the person i am today, and im forever grateful. regardless of the horrible things she does or says to me sometimes, i know its because she loves me. she really is one of my best friends and i hope we stay close and get each other through this.
on a lighter note--only seven months till graduation!!! CANT WAIT! and im SO excited about next big thing... thank god that horrid tournament isnt ruining this!
i never thought things in my life would be perfect, not after the way it started, not after everything i've been through in the past 5 or 6 years, but i was hoping it would get close. i was so happy when my mom said we were gonna move back with my dad. I hate living here, its so awkward, and Annette starts the stupidest fights, and my mom hates it here too. i really thought my dad was shaping up and really wanting to take interest in me for once. i guess i was wrong. not only is he taking pills now, but he started drinking again. he checked into rehab today, but i honestly dont think it will do him very much good. i watched him almost have a heart attack on sunday, and he was crying and holding onto my hand and telling me how proud of me he was, in between his gasps for air and biting his tounge because he was so drunk he couldnt figure out how to talk. my mom cant trust him. its not safe for us with him, and my sisters are taking it even worse than me. im desensitized to most of i guess. ive watched him be arrested, hold his gun to my moms head, threaten to kill himself, my mom, my grandpa, kidnap my sister. all i can do is hope for the best... no matter what happens, i know my mom needs me the most, and im gonna be there for her. she is who made me the person i am today, and im forever grateful. regardless of the horrible things she does or says to me sometimes, i know its because she loves me. she really is one of my best friends and i hope we stay close and get each other through this.
on a lighter note--only seven months till graduation!!! CANT WAIT! and im SO excited about next big thing... thank god that horrid tournament isnt ruining this!