New fic- "If Only..."- PG-13- Stackhouse/Markham- 38 Minutes tag
Apologies that this is not Part 4 of A Cry In The Dark, for a start, LOL! Isn't that a great fic? More, I say! Anyway, hope you don't mind me joining this community and sharing this. I wrote it for my own amusement, but I'd love to hear what anyone thinks. I know this might be a bit old hat, a tag for 38 Minutes, but I'm new to actually reading and writing this pair seriously, so where better to start? Also, I really need to get me a Stackham icon ;)
Title: If Only...
Author: fififolle
Spoilers: 38 Minutes
Genre: angst, pre-slash, romance
Pairing: Stackhouse/Markham
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2232
Warnings: slash
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. This is written for fun or something. I make no money, etc.
Summary: Tag for 38 Minutes
Author Notes: Thanks to alfirin_kirinki for first names of the two primary characters.
~
The instant the jumper re-materialised in the Gateroom, Stackhouse and Markham could see the frantic activity around them. Gliding up into the jumper bay, to a welcoming committee of two medical teams and a swarm of engineers, they were even more shocked to look around and see Teyla crouched over the now-right-next-to-them-but-still-with-that-bug-on-his-neck-and-now-patently-not-breathing Major Sheppard.
“Shit!” shouted Jamie, and Adam leapt out of his seat to help Teyla, but the med teams were all over the Major before the jumper even came to rest. The fact there was no rear hatch helped, Adam mused, confused.
Jamie focussed on the drive sensors in front of him, which were going haywire, crazy. He could hear Kavanagh screaming at him over the shouts of the medical staff to Shut down the secondary drive manifold, dammit, Markham, now, Sergeant! He complied.
It was only when Doc Beckett and his staff had stabilised the Major, and a subdued Doctor Weir was pacing around in the rear, that Jamie and Adam finally had a moment to stare at each other.
“So, Markham,” Adam asked, “what the hell just happened?”
Jamie grinned, and shrugged. “I heard talk of thirty-eight minutes to live, or some such shit. Good thing we didn’t know anything about it.”
“Yeah, good thing.” Adam smiled.
Finally, everyone had left, even Doctor Zelenka.
“Something to eat, Stack?” Jamie asked.
“Sure, why not?” Adam clapped the pilot on the shoulder and they went light-heartedly to the mess hall.
Everyone they met looked at them in awe, and kept asking them for the exciting story of the rescue. Adam and Jamie smiled wryly at each other, and told everyone what they wanted to hear, or as much as they knew, anyhow. The audience barely noticed the part where the two of them said knew nothing from the moment the jumper entered the event horizon until they hit the Gateroom.
At last they got enough peace to eat their meal, and the crowd had mostly dispersed. Jamie and Adam had looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Adam chuckled and watched Jamie helpless with giggles.
Between bursts of laughter, Jamie managed to say, “We’re godamned heroes, and we don’t even remember!”
Leaving the mess hall, Adam pointed vaguely down one corridor. “I’m going to drop by the infirmary and see how the Major is doing, check up on Ford, then hit the sack.”
Jamie gave him an understanding smile. “Catch you for breakfast tomorrow then, Stack?”
“Sure.” Adam nodded, and walked away, listening to Jamie chuckling to himself all the way down the hall.
~
Lying in bed later, Adam had more time to think. What if he had known about the thirty-eight minutes? What if Zelenka and McKay and Kavanagh hadn’t been able to pull it out of the bag? He’d seen Ford. Sure, he’d been smiling, no ill effects from having been hanging in a vacuum for a while, but the boy was scared as hell. Teyla, now she’d looked different, her smile had lacked her usual confidence, if only barely. Everyone was different. Well, it was hard to tell with the Major, but still.
Adam felt like he ought to be changed in some way. What would he have said or done if he’d known he only had thirty-eight minutes to live?
Jamie’s face popped into his mind, and he squeezed his eyes shut, tried to ignore the feeling in his gut. Damn it. This wasn’t what he meant when he wondered what he would do or say with the last moments of his life. This was Atlantis, he was a senior NCO. He’d been telling himself that he didn’t have time to be falling for a pilot. He hadn’t had time before, and he didn’t have time now.
Looked like thirty-eight minutes had sharpened up his perspective a little. Didn’t mean he had to act on it. He could do without the complication. Right?
~
He could hardly ignore Markham completely. They had to work together every day. Adam just tried to play it cool. Professional and precise. No misunderstanding looks, no inappropriate comments.
Of course, it hadn’t been like that to start with. Jamie was cheeky - quick with a joke and a playful punch. Adam had laughed along, joined in. A few missions and they had come to trust each other implicitly. One word from Adam, and Jamie had it covered. Jamie made a call, and Adam knew it would be right. They worked. And it had been more than that.
Jamie had been open and honest, and had admitted his preference for men trustingly to Adam. Adam had nodded understandingly and told him it didn’t matter to him one way or the other. Adam had not seen a need to admit to Jamie that he found him attractive, and was not inexperienced with men. That would have been inappropriate. Or something.
After the Big Rescue, Jamie noticed that Adam had changed.
~
The strain got a little too much for Adam after about a week. If he had to remain aloof from the man any longer he thought he might break down and cry. You just couldn’t stay aloof from Jamie. It was like trying to kick a puppy. He decided he would try and explain. Ignoring his feelings was just not working. Maybe they could figure something out. Maybe he had to.
He found Jamie in the Rec Room that night, alone, and decided it might be a good time to broach the subject. Jamie would understand, and they could have a go at making it work. Adam just needed slow, and discreet.
“Hi.” Tentative.
“Hey, Stack.” Jamie’s smile lit up the room, and Adam closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, afraid.
“Got a minute?”
Jamie caught the note of seriousness in the tone. “Sure, Stack. Anytime.” He sat up on the couch, and leaned forward, as Adam took a seat beside him.
“Um… I’ve been thinking.”
Jamie chuckled. “What else is new, man?”
“Shut up, will you?” he said gently. “I’ve been thinking about when we were stuck in the wormhole.” Adam frowned deeply, focussing on what he had to say.
“Yeah…?”
“Yeah, and I got to thinking, what would you have done if you did know it was your last thirty-eight minutes?”
Jamie pouted. “I dunno. I didn’t, so I never.”
Adam sighed. “Well, I’ve been thinking about it.”
Jamie shuffled a little on the couch. “And…?”
“So, I got to thinking what I might have done if I had known, and I guess it kind of freaked me out a little.” Adam looked at his feet.
Jamie tapped the fingers of one hand over his knuckles, clearly taking time to think, and sighed. “Okay, so that’s what’s up with you this past week. Don’t worry, I get it.”
Adam looked up. “Get what?”
Jamie took a deep breath. He spoke with resignation, sadness. “You make like I’m invisible for a week, then you tell me you’re freaked out. I get it, I really do. You ask yourself what you would have done if you only had a few minutes to live, and you don’t like the answer. Well, that’s fine with me. I never said nothing anyhow.” He folded his arms sullenly.
Adam was confused. “I don’t know what you mean… What do you think I would have done if I only had a few minutes to live, exactly?”
Pausing only imperceptibly, Jamie moved. “This, of course.” He took Adam’s face in his hands, and kissed him full on the mouth, moving and sucking and teasing and Adam was too stunned to respond. Pulling back, Jamie licked his lips and said bitterly, “I’m sorry if I freak you out.” He stood up. “I get the idea. Professional relationship only. You can depend on me, Sergeant.” He stood stiffly to attention, and gave Adam a textbook salute, then turned sharply on his heel and marched out of the room.
Touching a finger to his lips, Adam stared in horror at Jamie’s retreating back. “Well, that went badly,” he muttered, and dropped his head into his hands.
After sitting in stunned shock for a minute, Adam realised he’d better go after him and put things straight. He couldn’t just leave it like that. How could Jamie think he didn’t want him? Didn’t he realise he couldn’t? Or that’s what he’d thought, until trying ‘couldn’t’ on Jamie had been like holding back the ocean.
The hallway was dark near Jamie’s quarters. Adam could see a soft glow in the door, the way you could when the occupant was in - the occupant with the gene, that is.
He banged with his fist. “Markham, are you there?”
He listened. Nothing. He banged again. “Markham, open this door.”
There was silence. He banged hard and shouted. “Godammit, Jamie, let me in, will you?”
The door flew open and Jamie grabbed him by the collar and yanked him into the room.
“For chrissakes, Adam, why don’t you just make an announcement over citywide?” Jamie paced, flustered, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck.
“Thanks for letting me in,” Adam said carefully, “I don’t think I got to say everything back there.”
Avoiding eye contact, Jamie waved one hand rapidly. “I’m not sure I want to hear some long-winded gentle let down, Adam, so make it fast, okay?”
Adam took a step closer. “I’m not saying no, Jamie. And yes, I think maybe you were right about what I’d do with my last minutes. Only…”
Jamie has listened carefully, but now narrowed his eyes, “Only what?”
Adam rubbed a finger over his lips. “I, uh… I had no idea it would be like that.”
Jamie smirked. “I hope that’s a compliment.”
Adam took a deep breath, controlling his desire to grab Jamie and kiss him senseless. “I guess.”
Jamie scowled, “So what the hell have you been playing at, man? Why have you been so cold?”
Adam could hear the hurt in his voice, and it almost broke his heart. Reaching out his hands, he took another step. “Jamie. I’m your team leader. Don’t you see…?”
Jamie backed up, holding his hands up in a defensive posture. “We’re the same godamned rank, Adam. No one has to know. And we’re in Atlantis, for chrissakes. You must know I’ve just been waiting for you to let me in. Don’t you think it’s worth it?”
Adam sighed. Those were exactly all the reasons that maybe this could work. But it didn’t mean it wasn’t against a whole bunch of rules.
“I know, Jamie, I know. And believe me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you were worth it. Of course I could sense how you felt about me. I… dammit, Jamie, I haven’t felt like this about anyone for a long time.” He turned aside, one hand on his hip, the other scrubbed across his face.
Jamie shifted his weight a little, and folded his arms. “So. What are you going to do?” He sighed, and rubbed a thumb hard over his temple. “Don’t make me beg, dammit.”
Adam stared at Jamie. The man was really quite cut up. He’d figured him for happy-go-lucky, devil-may-care, take-it-or-leave-it kind of guy. Maybe he was wrong.
“You want this, Jamie?”
Jamie almost rolled his eyes. “Are you blind as well as dumb?” Only the slight crack in the voice diluted the sarcasm.
“I…” Adam stumbled on his words, “that is, I, uh… yes, then… if we can keep it… I’m not…well, yes, anyway.”
Jamie had a tentative smile on his lips as he’d moved closer to Adam, running his hands down Adam’s shoulders, arms, hands, as he talked. Then he kissed him. “Yes, Adam. That’s a yes.”
It took only a second for them to release their hands and lift them to caress necks and heads and face, as they kissed slowly and thoroughly.
“Oh, Jamie,” Adam whispered, “I need you. I’ve got to…” he pulled himself against Jamie as let him sweep his tongue over his.
“Yes, Adam, this is good,” encouraged Jamie, and pushed a little until Adam was forced to step back against the wall.
Adam gasped, as he hit the wall. He let his head rest back, allowing Jamie to keep it pressed there as he kissed him, sucking and licking. “So good.”
They kissed for a long moment, touching and exploring each other gently, Adam getting comfortable, Jamie enjoying every second.
“Adam, this is… You won’t…oh, yeah… regret this.” Jamie was putting little kisses to Adam’s neck, pressing close up against him, sliding his arms over Adam’s sides. Suddenly, he chuckled, and let his head rest on Adam’s shoulder.
“Jamie? Hey, what’re you laughing at?” Adam tried to see Jamie’s face, but the man was hanging on tight, and stifling his laughter in Adam’s neck.
“Oh, man,” Jamie giggled happily, and lifted his head so that Adam could see his shining eyes, “This is so great, Adam, this is just so great.” He took Adam’s face in his hands and kissed him.
Adam was glad he’d never felt what it was like to have a few moments to live. Not yet, anyway. He decided maybe it was better not to know, but maybe he should live like it could happen. That way, if it ever did, he wouldn’t have to regret anything. He took his chance, and kissed Jamie senseless.
FIN
Title: If Only...
Author: fififolle
Spoilers: 38 Minutes
Genre: angst, pre-slash, romance
Pairing: Stackhouse/Markham
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2232
Warnings: slash
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. This is written for fun or something. I make no money, etc.
Summary: Tag for 38 Minutes
Author Notes: Thanks to alfirin_kirinki for first names of the two primary characters.
~
The instant the jumper re-materialised in the Gateroom, Stackhouse and Markham could see the frantic activity around them. Gliding up into the jumper bay, to a welcoming committee of two medical teams and a swarm of engineers, they were even more shocked to look around and see Teyla crouched over the now-right-next-to-them-but-still-with-that-bug-on-his-neck-and-now-patently-not-breathing Major Sheppard.
“Shit!” shouted Jamie, and Adam leapt out of his seat to help Teyla, but the med teams were all over the Major before the jumper even came to rest. The fact there was no rear hatch helped, Adam mused, confused.
Jamie focussed on the drive sensors in front of him, which were going haywire, crazy. He could hear Kavanagh screaming at him over the shouts of the medical staff to Shut down the secondary drive manifold, dammit, Markham, now, Sergeant! He complied.
It was only when Doc Beckett and his staff had stabilised the Major, and a subdued Doctor Weir was pacing around in the rear, that Jamie and Adam finally had a moment to stare at each other.
“So, Markham,” Adam asked, “what the hell just happened?”
Jamie grinned, and shrugged. “I heard talk of thirty-eight minutes to live, or some such shit. Good thing we didn’t know anything about it.”
“Yeah, good thing.” Adam smiled.
Finally, everyone had left, even Doctor Zelenka.
“Something to eat, Stack?” Jamie asked.
“Sure, why not?” Adam clapped the pilot on the shoulder and they went light-heartedly to the mess hall.
Everyone they met looked at them in awe, and kept asking them for the exciting story of the rescue. Adam and Jamie smiled wryly at each other, and told everyone what they wanted to hear, or as much as they knew, anyhow. The audience barely noticed the part where the two of them said knew nothing from the moment the jumper entered the event horizon until they hit the Gateroom.
At last they got enough peace to eat their meal, and the crowd had mostly dispersed. Jamie and Adam had looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Adam chuckled and watched Jamie helpless with giggles.
Between bursts of laughter, Jamie managed to say, “We’re godamned heroes, and we don’t even remember!”
Leaving the mess hall, Adam pointed vaguely down one corridor. “I’m going to drop by the infirmary and see how the Major is doing, check up on Ford, then hit the sack.”
Jamie gave him an understanding smile. “Catch you for breakfast tomorrow then, Stack?”
“Sure.” Adam nodded, and walked away, listening to Jamie chuckling to himself all the way down the hall.
~
Lying in bed later, Adam had more time to think. What if he had known about the thirty-eight minutes? What if Zelenka and McKay and Kavanagh hadn’t been able to pull it out of the bag? He’d seen Ford. Sure, he’d been smiling, no ill effects from having been hanging in a vacuum for a while, but the boy was scared as hell. Teyla, now she’d looked different, her smile had lacked her usual confidence, if only barely. Everyone was different. Well, it was hard to tell with the Major, but still.
Adam felt like he ought to be changed in some way. What would he have said or done if he’d known he only had thirty-eight minutes to live?
Jamie’s face popped into his mind, and he squeezed his eyes shut, tried to ignore the feeling in his gut. Damn it. This wasn’t what he meant when he wondered what he would do or say with the last moments of his life. This was Atlantis, he was a senior NCO. He’d been telling himself that he didn’t have time to be falling for a pilot. He hadn’t had time before, and he didn’t have time now.
Looked like thirty-eight minutes had sharpened up his perspective a little. Didn’t mean he had to act on it. He could do without the complication. Right?
~
He could hardly ignore Markham completely. They had to work together every day. Adam just tried to play it cool. Professional and precise. No misunderstanding looks, no inappropriate comments.
Of course, it hadn’t been like that to start with. Jamie was cheeky - quick with a joke and a playful punch. Adam had laughed along, joined in. A few missions and they had come to trust each other implicitly. One word from Adam, and Jamie had it covered. Jamie made a call, and Adam knew it would be right. They worked. And it had been more than that.
Jamie had been open and honest, and had admitted his preference for men trustingly to Adam. Adam had nodded understandingly and told him it didn’t matter to him one way or the other. Adam had not seen a need to admit to Jamie that he found him attractive, and was not inexperienced with men. That would have been inappropriate. Or something.
After the Big Rescue, Jamie noticed that Adam had changed.
~
The strain got a little too much for Adam after about a week. If he had to remain aloof from the man any longer he thought he might break down and cry. You just couldn’t stay aloof from Jamie. It was like trying to kick a puppy. He decided he would try and explain. Ignoring his feelings was just not working. Maybe they could figure something out. Maybe he had to.
He found Jamie in the Rec Room that night, alone, and decided it might be a good time to broach the subject. Jamie would understand, and they could have a go at making it work. Adam just needed slow, and discreet.
“Hi.” Tentative.
“Hey, Stack.” Jamie’s smile lit up the room, and Adam closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, afraid.
“Got a minute?”
Jamie caught the note of seriousness in the tone. “Sure, Stack. Anytime.” He sat up on the couch, and leaned forward, as Adam took a seat beside him.
“Um… I’ve been thinking.”
Jamie chuckled. “What else is new, man?”
“Shut up, will you?” he said gently. “I’ve been thinking about when we were stuck in the wormhole.” Adam frowned deeply, focussing on what he had to say.
“Yeah…?”
“Yeah, and I got to thinking, what would you have done if you did know it was your last thirty-eight minutes?”
Jamie pouted. “I dunno. I didn’t, so I never.”
Adam sighed. “Well, I’ve been thinking about it.”
Jamie shuffled a little on the couch. “And…?”
“So, I got to thinking what I might have done if I had known, and I guess it kind of freaked me out a little.” Adam looked at his feet.
Jamie tapped the fingers of one hand over his knuckles, clearly taking time to think, and sighed. “Okay, so that’s what’s up with you this past week. Don’t worry, I get it.”
Adam looked up. “Get what?”
Jamie took a deep breath. He spoke with resignation, sadness. “You make like I’m invisible for a week, then you tell me you’re freaked out. I get it, I really do. You ask yourself what you would have done if you only had a few minutes to live, and you don’t like the answer. Well, that’s fine with me. I never said nothing anyhow.” He folded his arms sullenly.
Adam was confused. “I don’t know what you mean… What do you think I would have done if I only had a few minutes to live, exactly?”
Pausing only imperceptibly, Jamie moved. “This, of course.” He took Adam’s face in his hands, and kissed him full on the mouth, moving and sucking and teasing and Adam was too stunned to respond. Pulling back, Jamie licked his lips and said bitterly, “I’m sorry if I freak you out.” He stood up. “I get the idea. Professional relationship only. You can depend on me, Sergeant.” He stood stiffly to attention, and gave Adam a textbook salute, then turned sharply on his heel and marched out of the room.
Touching a finger to his lips, Adam stared in horror at Jamie’s retreating back. “Well, that went badly,” he muttered, and dropped his head into his hands.
After sitting in stunned shock for a minute, Adam realised he’d better go after him and put things straight. He couldn’t just leave it like that. How could Jamie think he didn’t want him? Didn’t he realise he couldn’t? Or that’s what he’d thought, until trying ‘couldn’t’ on Jamie had been like holding back the ocean.
The hallway was dark near Jamie’s quarters. Adam could see a soft glow in the door, the way you could when the occupant was in - the occupant with the gene, that is.
He banged with his fist. “Markham, are you there?”
He listened. Nothing. He banged again. “Markham, open this door.”
There was silence. He banged hard and shouted. “Godammit, Jamie, let me in, will you?”
The door flew open and Jamie grabbed him by the collar and yanked him into the room.
“For chrissakes, Adam, why don’t you just make an announcement over citywide?” Jamie paced, flustered, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck.
“Thanks for letting me in,” Adam said carefully, “I don’t think I got to say everything back there.”
Avoiding eye contact, Jamie waved one hand rapidly. “I’m not sure I want to hear some long-winded gentle let down, Adam, so make it fast, okay?”
Adam took a step closer. “I’m not saying no, Jamie. And yes, I think maybe you were right about what I’d do with my last minutes. Only…”
Jamie has listened carefully, but now narrowed his eyes, “Only what?”
Adam rubbed a finger over his lips. “I, uh… I had no idea it would be like that.”
Jamie smirked. “I hope that’s a compliment.”
Adam took a deep breath, controlling his desire to grab Jamie and kiss him senseless. “I guess.”
Jamie scowled, “So what the hell have you been playing at, man? Why have you been so cold?”
Adam could hear the hurt in his voice, and it almost broke his heart. Reaching out his hands, he took another step. “Jamie. I’m your team leader. Don’t you see…?”
Jamie backed up, holding his hands up in a defensive posture. “We’re the same godamned rank, Adam. No one has to know. And we’re in Atlantis, for chrissakes. You must know I’ve just been waiting for you to let me in. Don’t you think it’s worth it?”
Adam sighed. Those were exactly all the reasons that maybe this could work. But it didn’t mean it wasn’t against a whole bunch of rules.
“I know, Jamie, I know. And believe me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you were worth it. Of course I could sense how you felt about me. I… dammit, Jamie, I haven’t felt like this about anyone for a long time.” He turned aside, one hand on his hip, the other scrubbed across his face.
Jamie shifted his weight a little, and folded his arms. “So. What are you going to do?” He sighed, and rubbed a thumb hard over his temple. “Don’t make me beg, dammit.”
Adam stared at Jamie. The man was really quite cut up. He’d figured him for happy-go-lucky, devil-may-care, take-it-or-leave-it kind of guy. Maybe he was wrong.
“You want this, Jamie?”
Jamie almost rolled his eyes. “Are you blind as well as dumb?” Only the slight crack in the voice diluted the sarcasm.
“I…” Adam stumbled on his words, “that is, I, uh… yes, then… if we can keep it… I’m not…well, yes, anyway.”
Jamie had a tentative smile on his lips as he’d moved closer to Adam, running his hands down Adam’s shoulders, arms, hands, as he talked. Then he kissed him. “Yes, Adam. That’s a yes.”
It took only a second for them to release their hands and lift them to caress necks and heads and face, as they kissed slowly and thoroughly.
“Oh, Jamie,” Adam whispered, “I need you. I’ve got to…” he pulled himself against Jamie as let him sweep his tongue over his.
“Yes, Adam, this is good,” encouraged Jamie, and pushed a little until Adam was forced to step back against the wall.
Adam gasped, as he hit the wall. He let his head rest back, allowing Jamie to keep it pressed there as he kissed him, sucking and licking. “So good.”
They kissed for a long moment, touching and exploring each other gently, Adam getting comfortable, Jamie enjoying every second.
“Adam, this is… You won’t…oh, yeah… regret this.” Jamie was putting little kisses to Adam’s neck, pressing close up against him, sliding his arms over Adam’s sides. Suddenly, he chuckled, and let his head rest on Adam’s shoulder.
“Jamie? Hey, what’re you laughing at?” Adam tried to see Jamie’s face, but the man was hanging on tight, and stifling his laughter in Adam’s neck.
“Oh, man,” Jamie giggled happily, and lifted his head so that Adam could see his shining eyes, “This is so great, Adam, this is just so great.” He took Adam’s face in his hands and kissed him.
Adam was glad he’d never felt what it was like to have a few moments to live. Not yet, anyway. He decided maybe it was better not to know, but maybe he should live like it could happen. That way, if it ever did, he wouldn’t have to regret anything. He took his chance, and kissed Jamie senseless.
FIN