DEPRESSED
I was talking to David last night about how, since we've been together, I havent had as many friends.
Its just different, especially since we live together now, and its like we're attached at the hip. He even makes me feel bad when I go up to visit mike or amber & stay overnight.
Another way of looking at it- is that when I invite someone over, its like they are being invited to hang out with me AND david.... and not all of my friends like him.
It's like, if I were at my dad's house & invited one of my girlfriends over, we could talk about guys and do hair or something, but if I lived there and said "wana come over and hang out? david's here too,".... then she would have to sensor what she said and act like we were hanging out with a group, rather than just a chick-friend.
I dont know if that made sense, but my life is now the latter example.
Like, when carter and ian came over the other night- they came to hang out with me AND david.. not cuz they wanted to, but because where I am, he is.
Then I started thinking about my SC friends- I talked to Ashleigh H. the other day on the phone, & she said we would hang out soon. That still hasnt happened yet. Then I started thinking about how CLOSE we used to be, and I cried a little. How can something that wonderful just fade away? I wanted to call Stephanie K. but I couldnt find her number. There are SO many people I miss.
Then I was on LJ so I started reading people's posts to see if I was missing out on anything, or if people were just caught up in stuff & didnt have time to call me or something...
I read Carter's- nothing new really. Thats okay cuz we've been hanging out more.
Then, I read sabrina's. Okay.
She told ME that she couldnt come on halloween, but she "wanted to, so bad!"
She said she would have a super early cerfew. Turns out she spent the night out, and did all sorts of things with all sorts of people... except me.
Then it said that Ashley came by around 12 or 1.... which was when she left my party.
I wouldnt mind this, except for the fact that that ASHLEY TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING HOME CUZ SHE HAD TO GET UP EARLY FOR SCHOOL.
I'm sorry. I just dont like being lied to-
and sabrina and ashley both lied to me.
Then in the comments, ash was complaining about how she doesnt hang out with brina enough, and compared herself to "a rejected melissa."
GEE. Thanks.* I'm rejected now?
Fucking apparently.
(Then I tried to comment on it- and it turns out I couldnt cuz I wasnt on sabrina's "friends" list.... which didnt help my mood at all.)
I've decided that trying to be a good friend to everyone has gotten me nowhere. Nowhere at all. Whats the point?
I buy people shit, give people rides, call to talk about THEM, offer advice, lend a shoulder to cry on, make people food, open up my home, try to be as honest as I possibly can....
Nowhere.
Actually, a few times it's gotten me lied to, or a friend has decided to go hump a boy i like...
SO, I've concluded that I should stop. I put way too much time into my friendships and get little out of them. Those who still think I'm worth it- go ahead and call ME. I've given up.
No more phonecalls, no more anything.
I wish I could go back to my S.C. days when I had all the time in the world & everyone was shallow enough to love me because I was a skinny cheerleader & dating a football player. But I cant. The sad thing is that I was a HUGE BITCH back then to everyone, and I had a million friends.
I guess people DO like jerks, cuz I feel pretty alone and backstabbed right now, and I've been nothing but nice to people lately.
I'm just gona go to my starbucks interview, go to tutoring, and come home. Im not gona call anyone or worry about how so-and-so is doing.
Its ALL about me now.
Fuck people.
Oh, ash & sabrina-- I dont know why you guys feel like you had to lie to me. That makes me feel *great* -Thanks.
Its just different, especially since we live together now, and its like we're attached at the hip. He even makes me feel bad when I go up to visit mike or amber & stay overnight.
Another way of looking at it- is that when I invite someone over, its like they are being invited to hang out with me AND david.... and not all of my friends like him.
It's like, if I were at my dad's house & invited one of my girlfriends over, we could talk about guys and do hair or something, but if I lived there and said "wana come over and hang out? david's here too,".... then she would have to sensor what she said and act like we were hanging out with a group, rather than just a chick-friend.
I dont know if that made sense, but my life is now the latter example.
Like, when carter and ian came over the other night- they came to hang out with me AND david.. not cuz they wanted to, but because where I am, he is.
Then I started thinking about my SC friends- I talked to Ashleigh H. the other day on the phone, & she said we would hang out soon. That still hasnt happened yet. Then I started thinking about how CLOSE we used to be, and I cried a little. How can something that wonderful just fade away? I wanted to call Stephanie K. but I couldnt find her number. There are SO many people I miss.
Then I was on LJ so I started reading people's posts to see if I was missing out on anything, or if people were just caught up in stuff & didnt have time to call me or something...
I read Carter's- nothing new really. Thats okay cuz we've been hanging out more.
Then, I read sabrina's. Okay.
She told ME that she couldnt come on halloween, but she "wanted to, so bad!"
She said she would have a super early cerfew. Turns out she spent the night out, and did all sorts of things with all sorts of people... except me.
Then it said that Ashley came by around 12 or 1.... which was when she left my party.
I wouldnt mind this, except for the fact that that ASHLEY TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING HOME CUZ SHE HAD TO GET UP EARLY FOR SCHOOL.
I'm sorry. I just dont like being lied to-
and sabrina and ashley both lied to me.
Then in the comments, ash was complaining about how she doesnt hang out with brina enough, and compared herself to "a rejected melissa."
GEE. Thanks.* I'm rejected now?
Fucking apparently.
(Then I tried to comment on it- and it turns out I couldnt cuz I wasnt on sabrina's "friends" list.... which didnt help my mood at all.)
I've decided that trying to be a good friend to everyone has gotten me nowhere. Nowhere at all. Whats the point?
I buy people shit, give people rides, call to talk about THEM, offer advice, lend a shoulder to cry on, make people food, open up my home, try to be as honest as I possibly can....
Nowhere.
Actually, a few times it's gotten me lied to, or a friend has decided to go hump a boy i like...
SO, I've concluded that I should stop. I put way too much time into my friendships and get little out of them. Those who still think I'm worth it- go ahead and call ME. I've given up.
No more phonecalls, no more anything.
I wish I could go back to my S.C. days when I had all the time in the world & everyone was shallow enough to love me because I was a skinny cheerleader & dating a football player. But I cant. The sad thing is that I was a HUGE BITCH back then to everyone, and I had a million friends.
I guess people DO like jerks, cuz I feel pretty alone and backstabbed right now, and I've been nothing but nice to people lately.
I'm just gona go to my starbucks interview, go to tutoring, and come home. Im not gona call anyone or worry about how so-and-so is doing.
Its ALL about me now.
Fuck people.
Oh, ash & sabrina-- I dont know why you guys feel like you had to lie to me. That makes me feel *great* -Thanks.