IM SO SORRY:(....Dont read too far into this..its not what u think
I have hurt so many people in my life that i have come to the point where i cant stand bein around people which hurts me more than anyhtin in the world but i think finally that i have been hurt for the last time and that i have hurt long enough so i want to make my peace with all those in my life that have always been there for me....AJ no matter what i have ever done u were always there for me through everyone and everything and for that i really appreciate it....Craig thanx for bein there for me even in my rough times...Squirrel if it wasnt for you i would not be here today to write this because you showed me that there was something out there in this fucked up world to live for but sorry man i have not found it and im seriously gettin tired of lookin...Stephanie thanx for bein a part of my life and puttin up with all my shit and i am so sorry for any pain that i have caused you...Danielle you were always a good friend and most of all you made me happy even though you said that we were only friends and even to this point(no offense to Craig)i wish that we would have been able to get together but the way things are goin i wont be around this place to see what happens just promise me that no matter what u will take care of those that mean everythin to me...Jenn i havent known you for very long but no matter what i want you to take care of my baby brother, i know that little comment right there will piss him off but that is how i will always remember him...im not sayin that i will do anythin stupid but if the pain becomes too bearable i want those people, those special people in my life that im sorry if i have caused you any pain...and last but not least there is one person that i had almost forgotten...Renee i want you to take care of my squirrel and u were the best thing that couldve happened to him and im so glad that you two are so happy together and maybe one day i might actually find that kind of love...i know that this entry sounds like a pity trip but its not i dont want anyones pity i just want everyone to be happy and i want them to remember how i used to be...always happy and the life of the party...but now that joe is dead and gone and i doubt that he will ever come back because that joe has seen the pain that he has caused and he just cant stand by and watch people get hurt and being the cause of that pain has finally sunk in and everyone can say all that they want that i have not caused pain but i know that i have when i seen stephanie cry i knew that it was because of wrong choices that i had made and i think the worst thing that i could have done was have her in my life and have her love me the way that she did and then seeing tears in Danielles eyes from pain that i was part of was the final tear in my heart and soul...im not sayin that this is your fault Danielle so please dont blame yourself...but im so tired of seein all the pain that i couldve have stopped but just stood by and let it happen...it wont happen any more i wont let it i wont just stand by anymore and let life pass me by so for all those who i have had the pleasure of callin my friends i no longer call u friends...i call you my family only because you have been there for me but now you need to move on with your lives and forget about me i will be fine i just need time to myself to think about and get my shit straightened out and then maybe i will come out of the dark and then again maybe not