my first summer away from vassar
so i was showing my aunt a slideshow of vassar. this left me to think about how much has developed and changed in the past year and i got a bit nostalgic and plenty sad.
i'm reminded of my fear of fading away and losing things. friends, material goods, classes, familiarity. losing...opportunities, i suppose.
my room was so....empty at the beginning.
even tho stuff was put up, it wasn't really ilved in. it was my old life
in the middle it was very very messy and i hadn't found my place yet.
at the end the holes had been filled up and everything was configured the way that we wanted, bc time and experience taught us what was best. i was confident and overall felt good. i finally had everything that i needed and i had a whole year's worth of life all around it. my room was just bulging w friends and love and certainty and history and stuff and rachael and i finally had everything that i needed and i wanted to cry, bc i could never go back to that. and rachael would never be my roomate again.
i know that it could be better next year, and things are more certain now, but still, i am afraid. i am in love w vassar and i want to go back more than anything and i am very excited about next year, but i miss last year so much already. things changed a bunch after winter break; sometimes i wonder what the summer will cause. not all my friends will be my friends by the end of the year. some will get closer, and some will drift away. i know this. sometimes it will be for the better, and others i will come to regret. i'm not even gonna get to what will happen to mpk this time.
vassar made me very, very happy last year. i guess i'm afraid to give that up.
i don't know.
i'm reminded of my fear of fading away and losing things. friends, material goods, classes, familiarity. losing...opportunities, i suppose.
my room was so....empty at the beginning.
even tho stuff was put up, it wasn't really ilved in. it was my old life
in the middle it was very very messy and i hadn't found my place yet.
at the end the holes had been filled up and everything was configured the way that we wanted, bc time and experience taught us what was best. i was confident and overall felt good. i finally had everything that i needed and i had a whole year's worth of life all around it. my room was just bulging w friends and love and certainty and history and stuff and rachael and i finally had everything that i needed and i wanted to cry, bc i could never go back to that. and rachael would never be my roomate again.
i know that it could be better next year, and things are more certain now, but still, i am afraid. i am in love w vassar and i want to go back more than anything and i am very excited about next year, but i miss last year so much already. things changed a bunch after winter break; sometimes i wonder what the summer will cause. not all my friends will be my friends by the end of the year. some will get closer, and some will drift away. i know this. sometimes it will be for the better, and others i will come to regret. i'm not even gonna get to what will happen to mpk this time.
vassar made me very, very happy last year. i guess i'm afraid to give that up.
i don't know.