Blah
Bleah, woke up at 3 ayem with nasty spasms. That hasn't happened in quite a while, where it was bad enough not just to wake me, but really keep me up. I'm working on being grateful for the decent time I had, through bleary eyes, tottering around on weak limbs.
Got me thinking, just a wee bit. It's been a long time since things were bad bad, which is good. But it's been even longer since there was no bad. Pain, ranging from agonizing to merely distracting, has been part of my daily life for coming up on two decades.
If I ever woke up with no pain at all -- nothing beyond the normal "Grrg, tight muscles, can't wait to do yoga and stretch it all out" morning grumps -- what would that be like?
Would it feel like utter bliss...or would there be just this vague sense that "something is different, something's not right" -- ? My prescription drugs are highly controlled -- I mean, it's just Zanaflex, but it's tightly controlled; I can't refill till after the first of the month. So I'm smoking pot, and it's fine, and I'm really glad it's here, and glad it works so well for spasticity and spasm and pain. I just wish I didn't feel like I really needed it, y'know?
I've got things to do today, dammit! I guess I'll start doing 'em...slowly...while half stoned. And about half snockered with pain. That's much, much better than all the way.
It's been so long that M.S. has been part of my life. Most of the time, I feel like I've got a real handle on it, like it's an unpleasant thing that must be dealt with, but life is otherwise so good that it's more hassle than tragedy. Usually. I know that pain -- physical and emotional both -- is inevitable for a living creature. I get really fatigued by constant pain though. A person can learn to deal with and live with just about anything. That doesn't make it pleasant. :/
Got me thinking, just a wee bit. It's been a long time since things were bad bad, which is good. But it's been even longer since there was no bad. Pain, ranging from agonizing to merely distracting, has been part of my daily life for coming up on two decades.
If I ever woke up with no pain at all -- nothing beyond the normal "Grrg, tight muscles, can't wait to do yoga and stretch it all out" morning grumps -- what would that be like?
Would it feel like utter bliss...or would there be just this vague sense that "something is different, something's not right" -- ? My prescription drugs are highly controlled -- I mean, it's just Zanaflex, but it's tightly controlled; I can't refill till after the first of the month. So I'm smoking pot, and it's fine, and I'm really glad it's here, and glad it works so well for spasticity and spasm and pain. I just wish I didn't feel like I really needed it, y'know?
I've got things to do today, dammit! I guess I'll start doing 'em...slowly...while half stoned. And about half snockered with pain. That's much, much better than all the way.
It's been so long that M.S. has been part of my life. Most of the time, I feel like I've got a real handle on it, like it's an unpleasant thing that must be dealt with, but life is otherwise so good that it's more hassle than tragedy. Usually. I know that pain -- physical and emotional both -- is inevitable for a living creature. I get really fatigued by constant pain though. A person can learn to deal with and live with just about anything. That doesn't make it pleasant. :/