I Want To Kill Myself.
Well hellow all and To all a goodbye possibly. Right now I cant explain the thoughts and emotions running threw me right now. A feeling I havent felt since sophmore year in highschool re appeared and that feelin is Suicide. Im under so much stress. My mom is bein a godamn dike. She jus called and was all like your not movin out til your 25 and shit. And That I need to get online and look for some classes at bishop or some shit. Ive realized that you cant be apart of a family unless you are exactly like them in some way or another and seeings how Im not like anyone in my family I guess I dont belong. I know that im usually the problem solver and Im sure for some of you who read this find it unbeleavable that Me of all people are talking like this. But sometimes being a strong person is good but also that strong person has their weekeness. All of you know I just want you to know that waht ever I do. I love you all and I will always love you and to always stay strong and fight for whats in your heart. Thas what ive been doing. I mean Music is my number one passion and I fight for that more than anything but for like the past 6 or 7 years Ive been tryin to be apart of my family and Ive failed at it. I cant do anything right in my parents eyes or anyone elses. Im tired of living with the hate and racism i recieve from my family. They dont like my friends. I mean my friends the people who help me live so long and fight for what I want. I dont even invite them over no more why because I know that the people in my house make them feel very very uncomfortable. Life is a Joourney and today might be the last of my journal. I mean death cant be so bad. Has to be way better than the shit I fight everyday and Im tired of loosing the battle everyday. Im 20 years old. And Im still worried about what makes my parents happy. Im so tired of this shit. I guess the real reason is My grandma has a bad heart and I dont want to do anything that will stress her out but I mean shit. THe dont care about what stresses me out.IM FUCKING TIRED OF IT. I cant sit hear anymore and just take there bull shit anymore. Maybe I should just tell them Im not gonna live their life they didnt get to have no more. Its time to maybe live my life or something. I would love to go to college and mom loves to yell you can get some grants but what she fail to realize is that she fucked that up already why because she fucked up her credit. I dont care anymore you guys. All Ive ever asked and Im sure you guys can vouch for me that ive just wanted my band to rock. ITs what I live and breath everyday. Im gonna leave now. I cant tell you if Im going die or not. Maybe it will work out and I can keep rocking......so Im out...................