Long time no see. :D
Boy, has it been a while since I've been on here. My personality has changed quite a bit since the last time, as well. There will be no more whining from me, no more negativity against my parents, etc. Well, the last things I remember talking about were the problems with Nikki. They were dragging me down rapidly. We're still having those problems, but it's no longer killing me. Why? I guess I got used to it. For a while it was Bethanie dragging me down. Not purposely, mind you. I just wanted to be with her so badly that it was tearing me apart. I think there's a part of me that will always want to be with her, but it's no longer driving me crazy. Then, there was Taylor. The ex girlfriend. I loved her so much, and I still do. She lied to me, she cheated on me, she denied my existance, and she still told me she loved me constantly. After the breakup, she still gave me those sweet words that I fell for before, and I believed them once again. She gave me false hope of us being together again, and made me feel amazing the way she used to. There's a tiny part of me that still believes she really is the one for me, but it's very tiny. I do have a girlfriend, whom I love. Her name is Sierra. Lately, I've been going through this stage where I hate myself, and everything about myself. I believe no one loves me, and no one will ever do so. I want to change my hair, my face, my body; everything. Sierra is making this better. I still want to change those things, but for me; not for anyone else. She's exactly what I need right now. What I need to keep me away from those thoughts. She makes me happy, even though we haven't been dating for a long while.
Well, I'm sixteen now. And definately more mature. It's been almost two years since I last posted in this journal, and you wouldn't believe how much I've changed. I've stopped doing drugs, which is a great accomplishment. My anger has stopped, my hatred towards almost everyone I come across is over. Now, I'm loving. I love everything and everyone I come across. I see what is important in life now, and I no longer get angered over small things. What has pulled me out of this behavior? Writing is my savior. I write when I feel the need to go back to the girl I used to be. I've gotten back into reading, and I can't believe I ever fell away from that. I'm more concered about school now, and I try to keep my grades as well as I can. I plan to go to college and study either english, literature, or creative writing. Creative writing is my first choice. There is a great college in North Carolina with a complete creative writing course. This is wonderful, because Sierra lives in North Carolina. Marching band is great, and I can't believe I ever thought about not joining. I'm also studying german. Ah, I love the language. It's so fun, and easy. The teacher is great, as well.
Hm. Well, I guess that wil be enough. I doubt anyone reads these things, anyways. I'm not going to delete any of my past entries, because I like looking back into my past. Even if it was only a few years ago. They're staying. Annoyance, quizzes, and everything. *laughs*
-Jennifer.